NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Sunday, July 15, 2012

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

I know, I know. I'm a little late, but better late than never, right? Right! Now here you go. Today's movie.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from wikipedia and the good folks at 1000 misspent ...

"Monster from Green Hell is a 1957 B movie directed by Kenneth G. Crane and starring Jim Davis and Robert Griffin. It was shown as a double-feature to the 1957 film The Brain from Planet Arous. It is also seen as a clone of Them!.

You’ve probably never heard of independent producer Al Zimbalist by name. But God, what a resumé that man has! Cat-Women of the Moon. King Dinosaur. Valley of the Dragons. And, of course, Monster from Green Hell. These are not merely dreadful movies, either. Zimbalist’s productions were iconically dreadful, films with which the most hardened fans of 50’s crap celluloid might test the limits of their endurance, while weaker viewers curl up whimpering in the fetal position in the corner.

How to describe this movie? Hmmm ... well, start by imagining the most pointless and enervating jungle safari flick you can. Then picture an atomic bug movie that would make you pray for the “big damn spider for no reason” portion of Killers from Space. Now envision the two spliced together by a human vegetable who happened to be talking on his cell phone at the time. That, approximately, is Monster from Green Hell.

In preparation for sending a manned rocket into space, American scientists Dr. Quent Brady and Dan Morgan are put in charge of a program that sends various animals and insects into space to test their survival rates. After one of their rockets carrying wasps malfunctions and goes off course, a computer calculates that the rocket is likely to land somewhere off the coast of Africa. Some time later, in a remote part of Africa, Dr. Lorentz and his daughter Lorna perform an autopsy on a native and determine that he died of paralysis of the nerve centers caused by an injection of a massive amount of venom. Arobi, Lorentz' African assistant, then informs him that a monster is believed to be terrorizing people and animals in an area known as Green Hell. Hmm, something's fishy if you ask me! Theorizing that it may be the irradiated test wasp wreaking havoc in the jungle, he organizes an expedition to investigate.

Monster from Green Hell manages to be boring more often than not. There’s just too much stock footage, too much trekking across the savanna when what we want to see is a couple of square-jawed scientists chucking hand grenades at crummy plastic wasps. The movie isn’t but 71 minutes long, but there’s a stretch of 42 minutes smack in the middle during which not a single monster ever appears. I’m sorry, but that is simply not the way you do these things.

What we're saying is, watch at your own risk."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:
Even More Coffee
Various Internet Porns
That's About It-Ain't Nothing In This Damn House!

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE! Yay! Isn't that awesome? This blog kicks ass!

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be Penn State Locker Room-ed with extreme prejudice. Also, absolutely no cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING! Seriously, none. Alright?

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show, y'all!

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