NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia god ...

"House of 1000 Corpses is a 2003 American exploitation horror film written and directed by Rob Zombie, and starring Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon Zombie, Karen Black, Rainn Wilson and Erin Daniels. The plot focuses on two couples who are held hostage by a sadistic backwoods family on Halloween. Zombie's directorial debut, the film is heavily inspired by the horror and exploitation cinema of the 1970s, in the fashion of films such as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) and The Hills Have Eyes (1977).

Filmed in 2000, the movie was originally bought by Universal Pictures, and a large portion of it was filmed on the Universal Studios backlots, but it was ultimately shelved by the company in fear that it would receive an NC-17 rating. The rights to the film were eventually re-purchased by Zombie, who then sold the film to Lions Gate Entertainment. It was released theatrically on April 11, 2003.

The names of the villains were taken from the names of Groucho Marx characters (Animal Crackers' 'Captain Spaulding', A Night at the Opera's 'Otis B. Driftwood', Duck Soup's 'Rufus T. Firefly', and A Day at the Races' 'Hugo Z. Hackenbush', among others). While this was left as a subtle allusion in the first movie, the sequel The Devil's Rejects brought it out into the open, with the names becoming integral to the plot. Dr. Satan was inspired by a 1950s billboard-sized poster advertising a 'live spook show starring a magician called Dr. Satan' that Zombie has in his house.

The film was completed in 2000; Stacey Snider, who was head of Universal at the time called Zombie up for a meeting. Zombie feared Snider would give him money and say 'go re-shoot everything'. Snider feared the film would receive an NC-17 rating, which led to the company refusing to release the film. After several years of the film being shelved, Zombie was able to purchase the film rights back from Universal, and sell them to Lions Gate Entertainment.

The starting budget was $3–4 million, but finished at $7 million. The film opened on April 11, 2003 without being pre-screened for critics. Those who viewed it gave it generally negative reviews. The film grossed $3,460,666 on its limited opening weekend and $2,522,026 on its official opening weekend. The film grossed $12,634,962 domestically and $4,194,583 in foreign totals. Altogether the film made a worldwide gross of $16,829,545.

Zombie produced a sequel in 2005, The Devil's Rejects. Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon Zombie, and Matthew McGrory reprised their roles from Corpses. Karen Black demanded a higher salary — which Zombie could not afford — to return as Mother Firefly; Leslie Easterbrook was approached and later cast as her replacement. Tyler Mane - who would later play Michael Myers in Zombie's Halloween and Halloween II - took over the role of RJ. The character of Grampa Hugo was removed entirely as Dennis Fimple died before Corpses' release. The sequel received mixed reviews, but the critical reception was generally better than its predecessor."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week: Coffee
Pills
A Lot More Coffee
Asthma Medication
A Ton Of Popcorn
Random Chips
Internet Porn
Sexual Frustration

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! But before the show starts lets go over a few theater rules.

First off, there's no talking in Steve's Theater during our feature presentation and talkers WILL be turned into Koran-loving socialist gays.

Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. No open flames. Dispose of all trash in its proper receptacle. And please ... NO TEXTING! Very serious about that.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!


Thursday, September 27, 2012

My Pills ...

Gabapentin pills are these big horse-sized white pills that are meant to help with back problems but are also used as a mood stabilizer for people with bipolar disorder, although apparently from what I've read in various books and websites the jury is still out on whether or not the pills have any effect on bipolar disorder.

I have been taking these pills for a number of years now. And today marks the sixth day I have gone without them.

I didn't intentionally set out to try and kick this. It was all accidental. And it was partially my doctor's fault.

See, I live in such a small town that there's one doctor's office that I can go to in town. My doctor is also my kids doctor. Heck, I'm surprised that he's not also the town veterinarian and judge. THAT is how small my town is.

They don't ever give me refills on my medicines, even the ones I need refilled every freaking month, and they take absolutely forever getting me the refills I need. I have been waiting for over a week for them to get back to the CVS pharmacy so I can get my gabapentins. Still nothing. It's either that my doctor is not caring that I need refills or that the CVS pharmacy in Shawnee, Oklahoma doesn't give a rat's ass about my health.

Hell, it's almost as if I have to visit my damn doctor every damn time I want damn refills of my damn medications and what a pain in the ass THAT would be.

So I'm suddenly tying to kick my gabapentin addiction.

I'm a little jittery. And I have no drive to do anything either, like post any new Church-less Movies of the Week or gain cheap page views by posting pics of big boobies. And I am afraid to go to work, too. It's like the robbery I was in happened just a few days ago.

But beyond that I'm fine.

I apologize for the lack of posts.

Wish me luck!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Today's Movie ...

Sorry.

But that means that I have to find the right movie, post stuff about it, find the movie poster and the appropriate images.

I am just not feeling it right now.

Again, I'm sorry.

Maybe I'll post a movie later before I have to go to work. Or maybe tomorrow because I have tomorrow off.

Or maybe not. I dunno.

I'm off one of my meds and I'm a big lacking in drive.

Here. Here's a video. It's from freaking Hanson. Hate them all you want for that annoying ass "MMMM Bop" disease of a song ... but this damn song, with a Blues Brothers video directed by Weird Al, is a darn good song.

Enjoy ...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

My Recent Draw Something Awesomeness ...

Various Random Thoughts (And Free Music) ...

-I miss being in a big city. I don't miss Sacramento, per se, because fuck that place. No, I just miss being around stuff. Our town has one McDonalds, one Walmart, one very small and very crappy little movie theater, and about a million churches. It has a ton of schools, one really huge ass park, and very little else. If I want to go to a Target I need to drive about an hour and fifteen minutes. I live in a town filled with farms and fields and nothingness. Why would anyone consciously want to live in the middle of nowhere? It doesn't make sense to me. No modern human should want to live here. I live in the middle of nowhere and it really pisses me off sometimes.

-I am one episode away from finishing the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which will hopefully take me far, far away from that awkward clean-shaven Commander Riker phase. I'm not sure if I really liked this first season. Too awkward. I hope that seasons two and three will take me into the more relaxed, more confident, less Will Wheaton-heavy seasons I know and remember.

-I have an idea for a play or perhaps a sitcom. It's set on earth during The Next Generation. I'm currently calling it "Starfleet Rejects" and I hope that it will answer all the burning questions I have about Star Trek, like, who is left on earth and why? Would it be the rich and connected left on earth or would it be like World War Two in America and only the sickly and old are left? Who works the crappy ass fast food places now that the earth has abandoned all forms of money and work to "better" themselves? Are there any fast food places even left on earth now? What type of music and movies and tv shows do people enjoy on earth? Wouldn't there be LITERAL illegal aliens woking crap jobs on Earth now? And why the hell are there no mexicans is space? The show will be set in a fast food restaurant located right next door to a Starfleet Academy and will feature a crew of mostly Starfleet students waiting on their orders or struggling for the nineteenth time to pass. And maybe one android. Because this is the stuff I wonder. While the Star Trek shows focus so much on what's going on in space I am most interested in what's going on back on earth.

-Here is PROOF that former legendary author William Faulkner WAS Magneto, the master of magnetism ...

-I think a lot about the lawsuit that almost was. You see, after the robbery I was I I started seeing a therapist. After about two years seeing her she tried repeatedly to convince me that I had the basis for a lawsuit due to the hideous treatment I was given after the robbery. And I believed her. It was like a witch hunt over there and I was the witch and it seemed to intensify after the robbery happened. My therapist said that management was taking advantage of my Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and had placed me in an unfair work environment and that she would gladly go to court to defend me. And I considered it. But I like the company I worked for, not the assholes I directly worked under, and didn't want to burn any bridges. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had gone through with the lawsuit and if I would have won. I think I would have won. They treated me like shit over there. I think I would have won.

-Do you know what they gave me after the robbery? Nothing. Nothing but a heavy therapy bill.

-I really miss my family in Arizona. I miss my brother in Arizona. Hell, I just generally miss Arizona. It's to bad that my wife has basically directly said repeatedly that she would never live there because it's "too hot" because I really do see that state as my home and I really do yearn to live there again one day.

-It takes me roughly about 55 minutes to drive from my house to my work. It's an absolutely breathtaking drive but it's also boring as hell. So I spend most of that time rocking out to music on my phone. My music means a lot to me, but since I live "temporarily" with my in-laws, the old white southern baptists that they are, I don't really get too much time besides these long drives to listen to my music.

Here's a few of my recent songs ...

Richard Cheese: Milkshake
Sum 41: We're All To Blame
Beck: No Fun (from Scott Pilgrim VS The World)
Five Iron Frenzy: My Evil Plan To Save The World
The Rolling Stones: Play With Fire
Prince: Partyman
Jim Carrey: I Am The Walrus
Mark Mothersbaugh: Let Me Tell You About My Boat
The Breeders: Cannonball
Michael Jackson: Another Part Of Me
Soul Asylum: Can't Even Tell

I was going to write more but now I'm feeling really down about myself.

Maybe I'll write more later.

Maybe.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Maxwell Destroys His Birthday Cake ...

Maxwell "claps" now at things he likes. Here is him clapping" at his cake, making things even messier ...
Then he rubbed his eyes ...
THAT was a bad idea ...
... and here is a comparison picture from little Isabela's first birthday:
SHE loved it! She loved destroying that cake. Maxwell, however, did not. He was amused at first. But then he got tired, so he rubbed his eyes, getting frosting all up in his tear ducts. Plus he probably got a bit of my OCD and all that messiness probably doesn't sit well with him.

Still, that's my boy!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Maxwell's First Birthday Party Pictures ...

His first birthday ended in disaster. Somehow Emerald, Isabela, my wife, my brother-in-law, my niece Deinna, and (somewhat) me, we ALL got deathly sick by the end of the night.

Massive group vomiting was NOT how we wanted Maxwell's first birthday to end.

We might redo his party.

Anyway, here are the pics ...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from the mighty wikipedia machine ...

"Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a 1982 American science fiction horror film and the third installment in the Halloween film series. It is the only Halloween where the story does not revolve around Michael Myers.

Directed and written by Tommy Lee Wallace, the film stars Tom Atkins as Dr. Dan Challis, Stacey Nelkin as Ellie Grimbridge, and Dan O'Herlihy as Conal Cochran. The story focuses on an investigation by Challis and Grimbridge into the activities of Cochran, the mysterious owner of the Silver Shamrock Novelties company, in the week approaching Halloween night.

Halloween III departs from the slasher film genre which the original Halloween spawned in 1978, instead featuring a mad scientist theme. The frequency of graphic violence and gore is less than that of Halloween II (1981), but this film's death scenes remain intense.

Produced on a budget of $2.5 million, Halloween III grossed $14.4 million at the box office in the United States, making it the poorest performing film in the Halloween series at the time. In addition to weak box office returns, most critics gave the film negative reviews. Where Halloween had broken new ground and was imitated by many genre films following in its wake, this third installment seemed hackneyed to many: one critic suggests that if Halloween III was not part of the Halloween series, then it would simply be 'a fairly nondescript eighties horror flick, no worse and no better than many others.' Some cultural and film historians have read significance into the film's plot, linking it to critiques of large corporations and American consumerism.

When approached about creating a third Halloween film, original Halloween writers John Carpenter and Debra Hill were reluctant to pledge commitment. According to Fangoria magazine, Carpenter and Hill agreed to participate in the new project only if it was not a direct sequel to Halloween II, which meant no Michael Myers. Irwin Yablans and Moustapha Akkad, who had produced the first two films, filmed Halloween III on a budget of $2.5 million.

Special effects artist Don Post of Post Studios designed the latex masks in the film which included a glow-in-the-dark skull, a lime-green witch and an orange Day-Glo jack-o'-lantern. Hill told Aljean Harmetz, 'We didn't exactly have a whole lot of money for things like props, so we asked Post, who had provided the shape mask for the earlier 'Halloween [II] ..., if we could work out a deal.' The skull and witch masks were adaptations of standard Post Studios masks, but the jack-o'-lantern was created specifically for Halloween III.

Most of the filming took place on location in the small coastal town of Loleta, California. Familiar Foods, a milk bottling plant in Loleta, served as the Silver Shamrock Novelties factory, but all special effects involving fire, smoke, and explosions were filmed at Post Studios>"

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee
Pills
More Coffee
Cold Ice Cold Water
Root Beer
Buttered Popped Corn
Vanilla Iced Cream
Day Old Birthday Cake
Whatever Candies I Can Find
My Wife's Boobs
Internet Porns

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE!

But lets all go over a few theater rules first.

Absolutely no talking is allowed during the feature presentation. Any and all talkers will be shat upon with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Non-Nude Young Women ...

That last post really brought me down emotionally.

So here are some pictures of hot chicks.

You're welcome ...

Also, and I hope you are still reading this part here, I have been doing storytimes for kids every week for well over 11 years. And in celebration of this I've compiled a big photo album of over 50 pictures and hilarious stories from over a decade of entertaining children and it would be a personal favor to me if you could check it out and maybe share it ...

STORYTIME WITH MR STEVE 2003-2014

Seriously, if you could plllllleeeeease share the photo album on your Facebook page. It would only take a second and I reeeeeally want to get my name out there. So a quick share would really help me out. Plus, it's pretty cute and fairly hilarious.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Story Of How I Am A HORRIBLE Son ...

This isn't going to be the longest post I've ever written here. Sorry. I could really turn this into a massive, epic sort of post about me and my family and my feelings, but this story pains me greatly and I really don't feel like dwelling too much on it. In fact I would just love to skip it but something in me says that I really SHOULD share this story here.

So here goes.

About a week ago, shortly after my saturday storytime at work, I got a text from my mother asking how it went and for me to give her a call. I said to myself "Steve, remember to call my parents tonight!" But I was so busy that I just forgot.

The next day during church I received the exact same text message, word for word, from my mother. That's odd, I thought, and then thought nothing more of it.

It was then, during that second text, that I decided to blow off my mother's text.

So either that day or the next day, I forgot exactly when, I was playing on my new smartphone with my youngest daughter, when I got a call from my mom. "Your mom's calling, daddy. Do you want me to answer it?" she said, but I SHUSHed her, hoping my wife didn't hear her say that because if my wife knew that my mom was calling then she would make me answer it and I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like talking to my parents.

This is why I decided to avoid them. I thought that if I talked to my parents then I would end up telling them all about how my son is walking and almost a year old and how my youngest daughter is almost seven and funny and bright and how my oldest daughter is super smart and at the top of her class and about how great work is going and about how great my life is.

And all I would hear from them is about how money is tight and how they might not get to keep their house and how my brother is on the verge of divorce and how he is wanting to try and kill himself again and about how bad things are. And I would want to be there for for them to be here. But that's impossible on all accounts.

So I would end up feeling guilty. I would feel bad that I wasn't there for my parents and for my brother. I would feel bad that I'm here so far away having a good life while my real family suffers. I would end up feeling like shit. And I didn't want that. So I ignored my mother's call.

A few days later I was bored on my hour long drive to work so I called my parents to see how things were. I made up some flimsy excuse about not getting in touch with them sooner, something about my phone not working at home which was only partially true.

This is why she was trying to get ahold of me ...

About a week before my father went for a bike ride. It was getting dark. And either he was hit head on or was run over by a car that sped off afterwards.

He ended up being airlifted to the Intensive Care Unit.

My dad almost died.

And I couldn't be bothered with it.

This is the story of how I am a horrible son and the story of why I feel like shit right now.

My dad is out of the hospital now and is doing a lot better.

Still, it probably wouldn't hurt if you sent him your prayers or animal sacrifices or whatever.

That's that.

More later ...

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Monday, September 10, 2012

Bela's Birthday Party Pictures And The Repeated Death Of Wesley Crusher ...

Before I get to the pictures I want to say something. On this slightly small aside, I just want to say that I am currently trying to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation all the way through from beginning to end on Netflix just like I did with Parks and Recreation recently.

I am finding it hard to do with The Next Generation, mainly because of how horrible the first season seems to be.

Ok, first off, I hate Counselor Troy. I mean, what a stuuuuuupid power she has. "I sense ... anger." NO SHIT, WOMAN! I could have told you that and I'm not a slightly big breasted, vaguely jewey alien counselor woman.

I also hate the stupid sniveling little baby that Wesley Crusher is in the beginning of the show. And I think the writers feel the same way that I do because I'm in the middle of the first season and in the last episode I saw he was sentenced to death. And in the one I'm watching now he just got stabbed to death by a French Legionnaire pig monster's musket-phaser. I keep wanting him to die and he just keeps on living.

Anyway, enough of that.

My youngest daughter Isabela and my almost one year old son Maxwell have the exact same birthday. We didn't mean for that to happen, which roughly translates to me never having sex in the month of December ever again without paying for it. Lucky me. Not like I get any anyway.

Anyway, we spread out our celebrating this year. So this weekend was Isabela's party and next week will be Maxwell's party.

So here are the pics from this past weekend. They also include the "dedication" of my nephew at church. And apparently a dedication is a sort of midwest, southern baptist, white person's baptism.

Enjoy ...

Note The Matching Glasses!