NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, November 26, 2012

This Is Me ...

My name is Steve.

Sometimes I go by Mr. Steve when I'm a storyteller.  Sometimes I go by Reverend Steve when I'm preaching the word of Ed Wood.

Either way, I'm Steve.

I'm 35 years old. I have three kids and a frustrated but sexy wife. I am now living in Oklahoma for reasons that have not yet manifested themselves.  But it's nice and quiet and .. different. I like that.

I work in a bookstore that is a 55 minute drive away from my house. But I don't mind because it is the most AMAZING drive you've ever been in. Its fields and hills and forests and cows. It's roadkill and wild deer and long stretches of nothing that is so beautiful that I find myself thankful to be alive.

I am bipolar.

But it is NOT one of those angry crazy bipolar cases where I lose my temper and cops are called. It's a nice, quiet type of bipolar disorder that tries not to get in anyones way.

Sometimes I get deeply depressed. Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I want to die.

Sometimes I cut myself. Long, nasty cuts on my hands and wrists and arms with boxcutters I find at work. I am trying to stop but the cutting makes me feel good, makes me feel alive.

I love my wife. She laughs at my jokes (usually) and treats me nice and her breasts are huuuge. Last night we stayed up dtinking and playing Beatles Rockband. It was awesome.

This is me.

Hi.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hello From Hell ...

So I have a house now.

It may have no wifi and no internet and no Netflix and no cable and no tv stations and no microwave and a serious bug problem, but it is OUR problem in OUR house and thank WOOD for that!

Yes! I am finally out of my in-law's house! I am finally out of a house where my violent, alcoholic brother-in-law sleeps on the floor in front of the tv until noon or one pm and then IMMEDIATELY starts drinking. A huuuuge alcoholic. No job. No life. A complete discrace to himself and his daughter. He needs help. He needs to get his life straightened up. But he is allowed to ruin his life and run the house and yell at everyone and drink and drive with NO reprocussions. None at all. He is never told off and when he is it doesn't take, he doesn't listen, he doesn't care and he continues being an a-hole... whereas I will have my ass literally handed to me if I put a cup on the wrong shelf or eat a bag of popcorn that I shouldn't have but wasn't told about. The real villain gets away scott free while the nice guy, me, constantlt gets yelled at and bitched at and just gets so much crap. It's unfair. It'd all just pointless bullshit and, thankfully, it is NO LONGER my problem!

Hells yes!

Anyway, you may have noticed that the pictures in my last post are all crooked and loopsy. That is because I am trying my darndest to be able to post on my blog from my phone but these apps can suck it and die. They either don't work or they post stuff wrong like the crooked pictures you see below. I am currently posting from a nook tablet at my in-law's place if you are wondering.

I apologize for the pictures.

I swear things will return to normal soon.

I hope.

Friday, November 9, 2012

My Okie Halloween 2012 ...

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Our New Place ...

We have a place! To live! That's not my in-laws house!

SO MUCH WIN!!!

I swear, our first night in this house I stripped down to my tighty whities and drank a beer in the middle of the living room JUST BECAUSE I COULD!!!

There's still a lot of work to be done.

Still, I am so proud!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Dark Times Ahead, Harry ...

After about a year of fighting with Electronic Fry's our computer is FINALLY ready.

Now we just have to send back their rental laptop and get a friend in Sacramento to pick up our laptop and send it to us.

So no computer for a while for me.

(sigh)

I will still be able to post, probably. Just nothing too detailed. And almost definitely no Sunday CHurch-less Movies of the Week.

So here are two full episodes of Cinema Insomnia to tide you over for a while. And you're welcome.

Enjoy ...

Thursday, November 1, 2012

This Blog Features More Rock Of Ages Content Than Anyone Would Ever Want Out Of Such A Horrible Ass Movie ...

I am alone at my friend and sister-in-law Lauren's house. Maxwell is here with me but he's still knocked out in a extra long super nap. Halloween was a lot for him. I can hear his little baby snores. Cute as hell.

SO my wife and Lauren are out running some errands and getting food. Sonic. When we first moves here I was told that Sonic restaurants actually originated in Oklahoma, which is why there are ten bajillion Sonics here. I was told I would get sick of Sonic. But whoever said that didn't know that I could eat the same thing every day for a million years if its yummy. I love it. Sonic rocks.

Anyway ...

You see that huge rack? Amazing!

I rented Rock of Ages a few days ago.

My wife flat out REFUSES to watch it with me!

I mean, yes its a bad movie. Yes it's horrible. Yes every scene in this film is an embarrassment to watch. But it's my favorite bad movie and I love hating-slash-loving this amazingly awful movie.

And my wife won't let me watch it with her.

Bitch!