I still cannot afford wifi at my house, so we are at the library here in town.
This is creeping the shit out of me.
The fundamental problem I have with living in the midwest (everyone here likes to think they live in the south, as if being in the middle of nowhere, the middle of the whole damn country, can ever be considered "south") is race.
I am a very white-seeming brown skinned latino with no connections whatsoever to my own race. I don't speak spanish. I hate mexican food. I am latino by looks ONLY. I wear suits and ties, glasses, and listen to heavy metal and rap. I know all the lyrics to every Beatles song ever created. I read lots of Discworld books. I have my own religion, albeit one whose web domain I cannot afford. I have three kids, one of which is a white skinned girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.
I am an anomaly, especially in the midwest. I am a walking contradiction.
So, being in Oklahoma, the massive amount of white people and rednecks and old people and farmers and christian yuppies and white supremacists, they all stare at me, feeling both angry and confused ...
... and, here's the kicker, so do all the native americans! And all the blacks! And even the other latinos here! I go out in public and I get stared at, laughed at, the works. It's like I have a third hand coming out of my nose, the way people look at me. I am surrounded by Jesus-loving people who see me as evil, a stranger in a strange land.
And no place in Oklahoma is this more evident than here at the library on the free computers. I feel like I'm gonna be lynched at any second. There are people playing facebook games, vastly overweight people on rascal scooters, angry teens playing online games, rednecks screwing with their very old cell phones, and me, the mexican-looking guy with the khaki shorts and the thick ass glasses.
I feel like a freak living here. And I feel like as long as I'm NOT a white skinned 6'2" Jesus-loving OU student and douchebag in a pickup truck, then the stares will never end.
How are you?
A few things:
1) Still no idea why my blog is so popular lately, although it's probably boob-related. Gee, thanks, guys.
2) Being broke sucks ass.
3) My big breasted wife is off on yet another lengthy road trip with her parents to the annual Scentsy convention, this year in Indiana I think. For those of you who do not know what Scentsy is, it's a wicklesss scented candle industry that is a cult that sucks women into it's organization with dreams of starting their own business at home, although from what I can see it's just a neverending money pit that never stops sucking away all your hard earned cash. Although it makes my house smell AWESOME! She is off in Indiana for five or so days. What's worse is that she took Maxwell with her, my 20-month-old son who is still breast feeding, which leaves me with both my daughters and no money. Hence, the library.
4) My oldest daughter, Emerald, has been obsessed over these past few months, with watching every episode of Gilmore Girls, the rapid-fire dialogue ridden chick show with the mother and daughter that are hot, the diner owner who died in the Saw movies, and Sookie who went and did Bridesmaids and who now is crazy famous despite the fact that she was great in Gilmore Girls like a DECADE ago. And last night, my daughter finally got to the last episode. She laughed, she cried, and she missed her mom so much that, despite the fact that she's almist 12, she slept in my bed last night, crying her eyes out. Whatever. Lorelai is hot.
5) Financial problems are troubling us. It's impossible to stay afloat with the small little paycheck I get every week. We had to take a loan out just to keep our second car. It's bad.
6) I'm cutting my arms and wrists again fairly regularly. If you want to know why, then just see #'s 2 and 5.
Well, that's about it. Gotta go.
See you later, everybody.
Here's an old video of me and my youngest daughter: