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Sunday, October 27, 2013

A Lengthy Post About Why Mazzio's Pizza Sucks Ass ...

I just came back from a Halloween store.

You know, one of those big Halloween superstore that is hastily assembled inside of an empty building about a month before halloween?

The thing is right by my work and yet I haven't gone inside until today. And when I finally did go inside of it ... I was just bored. There just didn't seem to be anything there that I liked or cared about.

Is there something wrong with me? Is this what getting old feels like, you don't like the things you use to like?

I'm scared.

Anyway this post today is going to be about a place called Mazzio's pizza.

It's also going to be about the difference between the midwest and the rest of america because Mazzio's is one of those stores, one of those restaurant, one of these places that is prevalent in the midwest and in smaller places but no one in the rest of the country has ever heard of.

That happens a lot.

Here's a list of places prevalent around here but, living almost all of my life in the southwest and the west coast, I had never heard of until now:

TACO MAYO
CHEEZIES
FAMILY VIDEO
BOOMARANG DINER
DOLLAR GENERAL (NOT a dollar store - what dafuq, right?)

And apparently Mazzio's pizza os part of that list.

I had a long talk with an employee of mine at the bookstore and he explained it to me away than made a lot of sense.

You see, you know how sometimes a small city won't be big enough to get a Dairy Queen so the get a Tasty Freeze? Well apparently a lot of cities in the midwest, a lot of smaller cities, ca'tn get a Pizza Hut so they get a goddamn Mazzio's. So they are popular but only because that's the only pizza they have. A lot of people in the midwest grew up with Mazzio's thinking that it's what pizza in supposed to taste like when in fact it's shit on cardboard.

I went to one about a year ago with my oldest daughter. This happened in Seminole, Oklahoma by the way. Back then my oldest was dabbling in a gluten free lifestyle back then and I had heard that they made a gluten free pizza.

But when I ordered one and sat down with my daughter, the cook in the back could easily be heard by the entire restaurant yelling:

"A gluten free pizza? Gimme a freaking break!"

Does anyone in the food service industry in the midwest understand what customer service mean? If I had a penny for every time I wanted service but instead got teenagers too busy chatting instead of helping customers then i'd be a goddamn millionaire.

Seriously.

Fuck Mazzio's.

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