NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Monday, January 28, 2013

On Cutting ...

So I still wrestle with cutting myself.

Not proud of it but that's the truth.

I had a bad day on Saturday.

In the early afternoon I started making a numerical list of all the bad things that were happening to me that day. By 4pm I was in #23.

It was a pretty shitty day.

I wanted to cut myself on the drive home. I had two boxcutters in my bag and a handful scattered in my car

I thought about doing it on my wrist, suicide style, but that area started hurting and aching, like a phantom pain of sorts. It honestly hurt as if I had done it already. Ouch.

So I slashed my hand. My left hand. One quick motion on a part of the top of my palm that I usually cut at.

I bled for fifteen minutes.

I couldn't stop the bleeding.

I tried to stay calm, putting pressure on the gaping wound with a wretchedly dirty towel I use to clean off dirty windows.

I bled. A lot.

And if I had actually gone ahead and cut my wrist like I had wanted to, I think I may have died.

The wound was so deep that you could almost see muscles inside.

This is a picture of the wound two days later.

I feel so vague about this.

You know?

Can You Believe People Actually LIVE Here, Part One ...

This is the start of a new regular thing here in my blog, a brand new series that, judging by the looks of the houses around here, could easily go on indefinitely.

CAN YOU BELIEVE PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE HERE?

The following picture might make you think "Gee Steve, why are you showing me the set of My Name Is Earl?"

But this is a house!

People ACTUALLY LIVE HERE!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: No-Frills Edition ...

I don't have a lot of time. I'm wifi "weezing the juice" at my in-law's house, so here's a "no frills" free movie for your punk ass.

Enjoy ...

Ed Wood: Look Back in Angora (Video 1994)
51 min - Documentary

"A hysterical documentary which uses footage of Ed Wood's movie to tell the story of his life. It may not be a deep analysis, but shows distinctly how Ed's life strongly influenced his own films.

A thorough biography of Ed Wood, as told by his wife Kathy, ex-girlfriend Dolores Fuller, right hand man Conrad Brooks, among others. Clears up many false-truths that were stated in Burton's "Ed Wood" (1994)."

Follow me on TWITTER for more Ed Wood madness!

Laters.

What I Miss ...

-The internet. We don't have wifi in our new place. We really can't afford it. So we have no internet at all. It's maddening.

-TV. We don't have cable and we have an old television, so since television has gone digital we don't get any channels at all unless we have a tv box and an antenna. But it looks like our antenna is broke, so we don't get to watch any tv. I miss Parks and Rec. I miss 30 Rock. I miss SNL.

-Target. The store. See, we are in a small southern sort of city in the middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma. A few thousand people. One Walmart. A lot of warehouses and factories where most everyone works. Farms. Lots of farms. there was a cow on the road on my way to work the other day. We have nothing here except two small supermarkets and a Walmart. I miss Target.

-I miss big cities. Big buildings.

-I miss people, NORMAL people, not these redneck fucks in a cowboy hat doing chew and listening to country and buying guns and talking about how Obama is a Muslim.

That's about it.

What I DON'T MISS, though, would be about ten times longer than this list.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Donate To The STEVE IS BROKE Fund ...

I am broke.

Flat ass broke.

If you would like to help AND show your love for Ed Wood, please purchase something from my crazed Church of Ed Wood online merch store.

That is all.

Somebody That I Used To Know ...

Download Gotye: Somebody That I Used To Know

This is a true story. It's kinda sad and it's pretty lame. But it's true. It's about somebody that I used to know, somebody who will remain nameless.

I loved her.

I really did. I loved her with all my heart.

Mine was the biggest stupid crush in the world.

I remember our time at the State Fair. Just her and I and my oldest. I remember it fondly. Holding hands. Pushing the stroller. Just sitting by the fountain, holding each other while my daughter plays. It felt as if we had been together for an eternity, even though we were always with other people. She was my "alternate universe wife" and I told her as such.

I loved her.

I think she loved me too.

Then I blinked and she fucking hated me.

And it was her big fat mouth caused everybody to hate me.

Hell, I was chased out of California by a torch-wielding mob and it's all her fault. Mine, too. Sure I was at fault. But she's the one who makes everybody uncomfortable with her big mouth, always holding court by telling everyone every single uncomfortable detail of her personal life like her drugged out family and her brother in prison and everything else INCLUDING things between her and I that were in the past and should have STAYED THERE.

She loved me, then got bored of me, then hated me and ruined my good name. She somehow went from being right by my side to casually tossing me aside like a used tissue.

The thing is, though, I never stopped loving her. And now when I think back at my life in the west coast I actually have to REMIND MYSELF THAT I HATE HER NOW. And I swear to God there isn't a sadder sentence in all the world.

I wonder if she wonders how I'm doing now that I never think of her.

And also: Fuck her.

Steve's Church-less Movie of the Week: The "No Frills Attached" Edition ...

I know I haven't posted a free video in a while.

My bad.

Look, I have no internets at home and it's a bit hard to post a free movie on my crappy ass little phone, alright?

So here is the 1971 Hammer films production "Twins of Evil."

Enjoy ...

I would usually post the movie poster and a ton of facts but I am at my in-laws doing this and time is tight.

You want facts? Google it. Bing it. Ask Jeeves it.

Wind Clan out.

Monday, January 7, 2013

What Happens When You Don't Have Cable Or Wi-fi ...

Look ...

Look at the horror.

THIS is what happens when you get bored in MY house:

Crazy Daddy shows up!

Beware!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Free Form Posting ...

My wife left to go do some laundry. My youngest daughter didn't want to go so I told her that we could stay home but only if she watched a bad movie with me.

She picked The Brain That Wouldn't Die. We're watching it now. MST3K. Good stuff.

I'm tired. I need more coffee. I wish I could down some 5 Hour Energy but the last time I had some of that I got heart palpitations. It was freaky. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

I WAS going to go to the movies today but we can't afford it. Damn shame, too. Django, Hobbit, Hitchcock. There's some good stuff out there.

My wife and I totally did it yesterday. It was hot.

Anyway, here's some random pics ...

Laters.