NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Friday, May 31, 2013

My Brother Is On Fire ...

I couldn't find a picture of my brother that he wouldn't hate me for, so here's a picture of what to do in case of choking ...

Anyway, my older brother Joe has his own blog now and everyone should go see it a million times a day. It's getting a lot of traction lately, probably because his writing has literally been on fire lately. It's damn good stuff, people!

It is called "A Blog for the Mentally Guitarded" and it's a pretty awesome mixture of funny articles about music as well as personal posts about his own struggles with bipolar disorder, which I can veeerrry much relate to.

back in the day my brother and I kinda sorta hated each other. Not anymore. Now Joe and I are BFF'S: bipolar friends forever.

Damn that's good. I should copyright that. Seriously.

Go see it.

Here are some links to a few recent awesome ones ...

Why Nirvana Unplugged Rules and Your Parents are Shooting Heroin in Your Bedroom

It's Gonna Suck When Paul McCartney Dies

All Rock Stars Should Take Heroin

Trent Reznor is Halfway to an EGOT: And Other Reasons Why He Sucks

Anyway, go see it.
I promise it won't hurt my feelings if you decide to see other blogs.

Monday, May 27, 2013

The Painful Drive ..

I drove thru Moore, Oklahoma a few days ago.

It broke my heart.

Really.

I usually drive to work by taking the 40 to the 240 and then hit the 35 straight to my job. But since the big tornado destroyed the 35 then I have spent the last week taking the 9. It's a straight shot to Norman on the 9 but there are so many twists and turns that it takes 10 to 15 minutes longer to get to work that way. But I've been hearing about how bad the 35 still is and how packed and congested it is, so I've been avoiding the 35 every day.

Last Saturday I thought that since it was fairly early and a weekend that I would just take the 35. Just this once.

I was woefully unprepared mentally for what I saw.

Everything looked normal. I mean, the buildings were still there and everything looked fine and all.

Eventually I saw the Warren movie theater coming up ahead ... and that's when I realized that I could never see it before because the mega church and the bank and the bowling alley that covered up my view were demolished.

It broke my heart seeing the damage up close.

Seeing buildings I regularly drove by and stopped in and visited, seeing them completely demolished like a house made of sticks. Seeing houses obliterated. There's no words to describe it.

Seeing how much damage a tornado can do up close, it really does a good job of shutting you up because your problems are not REAL problems when compaired to all the people without houses.

I almost feel blessed to be alive.

Or, I would if I believed in that shit.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Todays (Abridged) Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

Today's movie is a very "special" Ed Wood movie, one that never got released in a major way because the film company went bankrupt before it could get a widespread release.

Here's the wikipedia entry for it ...

"I Woke Up Early The Day I Died is 1998 American camp comedy film written by Edward D. Wood, Jr.. The film, directed by Aris Iliopulos, stars Billy Zane, Tippi Hedren, Ron Perlman, and Christina Ricci, among many others.

The movie, produced two decades after Edward D. Wood Jr.'s death, was aimed at being a tribute to him. Wood was awarded a posthumous Golden Turkey Award for being The Worst Director Of All Time, and has since gained a cult following. The producers of this film used many techniques that Wood himself would use, such as including stock footage to save filming expenses. The cast was made up of a huge list of actors, including several who were previously associated with Wood's films. "

It's awesome!

Enjoy!

The Worst Charlie Brown Special EVER ...

This is a 1997 Charlie Brown cartoon that was never aired on television. It is called "It Was The Best Birthday Ever, Charlie Brown."

It is the 38th animated special based on characters from the Charles M. Schulz comic strip Peanuts. It is one of two specials that have yet to air on TV (the other is It's the Pied Piper, Charlie Brown).

According to wikipedia, "It Was My Best Birthday Ever, Charlie Brown was one the final television specials completed during creator Charles M. Schulz's lifetime (along with the next special It's the Pied Piper, Charlie Brown). He died in 2000."

It is also unwatchable shit.

Seriously, this is jaw-droppingly bad. This is RIDICULOUSLY BAD! You will not believe how bad this is. Seriously! It is SHOCKINGLY hideous! It has the horrible quality of a badly graded student film hastily assembled and created quickly with an old, outdated apple laptop by a retarded six year old. THAT, my friends, is how bad this is!

No sound quality, repetitious scenes over and over again, bad script, horrible pixellated animation, a lousy script, absolutely hideous voice acting, and what seems like 45 straight hours of rollerblading.

This is the "Manos: The Hands of Fate" of Charlie Brown specials. I half expected Torgo to show up.

You HAVE to watch this:

What you have seen you can never UNsee!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Five Miles And The Messed Up I-35 ...

First off, yes, I am alive.

So this past Sunday, before the big tornado hit nearby Moore on Monday, a tornado almost hit us where we live. And I reaaaalllly do mean "almost" there. That sucker came about five miles from our house. There was a real possibility that we could have been seriously hurt.

And yesterday, well, there's no words.

The massive super tornado that literally decimated the town of Moore occurred a mere half hour from my house and only ten minutes from my work.

I worked last night, too. And I was going to leave super early so that I could chill out at work and read comic books and use their wi-fi. I was going to jump in the shower at around 3:00 or 3:30pm but I was watching tv and being lazy. If I had left when I wanted to then there is a good chance that I would have been in Moore and on the I-35 WHEN the tornado hit.

Frightening when you think about it.

Last night my family and I stayed the night at my in-laws house. I slept on the floor. Didn't get the best sleep. My back still hurts.

But at least I'm alive.

Fuck the midwest.

Fuck it.

Seriously.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia machine of knowledge ...



"Things to Come (1936) is a British science fiction film produced by Alexander Korda and directed by William Cameron Menzies. The screenplay was written by H. G. Wells and is a loose adaptation of his own 1933 novel The Shape of Things to Come and his 1931 non-fiction work, The Work, Wealth and Happiness of Mankind. The film stars Raymond Massey, Ralph Richardson, Cedric Hardwicke, Pearl Argyle and Margaretta Scott.

The cultural historian Christopher Frayling calls Things to Come 'a landmark in cinematic design.'

Wells is assumed to have had a degree of control over the project that was unprecedented for a screenwriter, and personally supervised nearly every aspect of the film. Posters and the main title bill the film as 'H. G. Wells' THINGS TO COME', with 'an Alexander Korda production' appearing in smaller type. In fact, Wells ultimately had no control over the finished product, with the result that many scenes, although shot, were either truncated or not included in the finished film. The rough-cut reputedly ran to 130 minutes; the version submitted to the British Board of Film Censors was 117m 13s; it was released as 108m 40s (later cut to 98m 06s) in the UK, and 96m 24s in the United States (see below for later versions). Wells's script and selected production notes were published in book form in 1935, and was reprinted in 1940 and 1975.

Wells originally wanted the music to be recorded in advance, and have the film constructed around the music, but this was considered too radical and so the score, by Arthur Bliss, was fitted to the film afterwards in a more conventional way. A concert suite drawn from the film has remained popular; as of 2003, there are about half-a-dozen recordings of it in print. After filming had already begun, the Hungarian abstract artist László Moholy-Nagy was commissioned to produce some of the effects sequences for re-building of Everytown. Moholy-Nagy's approach was partly to treat it as an abstract light show but only some 90 seconds of material was used, e.g. a protective-suited figure behind corrugated glass. In the autumn of 1975 a researcher found a further four sequences, which had been discarded.

The city of 'Everytown' in the film is based on London: a facsimile of St Paul's Cathedral can be seen in the background. The film, written throughout 1934, is notable for predicting World War II, being only 16 months off by having it start on Christmas 1940, rather than 1 September 1939. Its graphic depiction of strategic bombing in the scenes in which Everytown is flattened by air attack and society collapses into barbarism, echo pre-war concerns about the threat of 'the bomber will always get through'. Wells was an air power prophet of sorts, having described aerial warfare in Anticipations (1901) and The War in the Air (1908)."










Steve's Snacks Of The Week:





Coffee


Pills


Chipins Popcorn Chips


More Coffee


Yet Even More Coffee


Random Potato Chip Shards


Apple Slices







... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's super special Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! Because I fucking rock is why.



But lets go over a few theater rules first. Firstly, there's absolutely no talking allowed in Steve's Theater during our feature and any and talkers WILL be given a dirty sanchez. Seriously!



Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. No open flames. Gays are accepted, however. Dispose of all trash in its proper receptacle. And please, absolutely NO TEXTING! Very serious about that one.



And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).





ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!




Thursday, May 16, 2013

Cold Turkey ...

So not only do we not have wifi at our house and no TV or cable but my wife just lost my brand new phone so I have been forced to use my old phone which is a piece of crap. And we have yet to turn it on in the hopes of finding the old one, so I have been phoneless and internetless for quite some time now.

FYI.

Pray I survive.

That is all.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Bits Of Various Random Whatnots ...

I'm at the in-laws house. Again.

Sigh.

But it won't be theirs for long. They just put money down on a big farm sort of patch of land outside this small village they call a city. So good for them. I'm happy for them.

Yawn.

I had two interviews and a 100% guarantee from the store manager that I would get hired. Them they didn't hire me. WTF? I had an expressed verbal agreement and now I'm being shut out. It's deeply frustrating.

Do you want to know something funny?

There is a Family Video here in town, here in Seminole... "family" being the important word here. "FAMILY" Video. They're a family video chain. They rent free kids movies. Faaaaamily.

And there's a room in the back with hardcore porn.

So it's "Family" Video then. You can rent Backdoor Sluts 9 at "Family" Video.

I have another interview coming up but I'm not sure if I should take it. It's with one of the biggest and most beautiful movie theaters in America and that's a bit of pressure for me.

I see movie theaters like other people see cathedrals. Movie theaters are my churches. Working at a theater would make me a true Ed Wood priest.

Anyway, wish me luck.