NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Emerald's First Volleyball Game ...

My 11-year-old, despite being the youngest person in her class, made the 7th grade volleyball team. And she's dominating the ball with her "skeeeelz".

Check it out ...

Library Time Again ...

First off, here's a picture of me, Mr. Stay At Home Dad, with my darling son.

Cute, right?

So anyways, here I am, back at the library computers, blogging my pathetic little heart out.

This place is driving me fucking crazy.

It's because it's Labor Day weekend. That's why there's so many people here. This place is driving me crazy just like the community pool used to drive me crazy when I was a child. Too many people here. Too many kids playing dress up games and too many annoying teens checking their facebooks and too many creepy ass adults missing teeth playing online games and god knows what else. The smell of sweat and desperation fills the air. It's gross.

I love libraries. Don't get me wrong. I love them. But this is also pretty damn gross.

Here's a few examples:

-There's a old guy wandering around the magazines right behind the computers. He has no teeth. He has scars all over his arms and sores on his face. He smells of sweat and urine. He has a caine. He has a number of patches suggesting that he was at one time in some sort of war. And he's talking to himself, at times quiet and at times loud as hell. He's scaring me. And I think he might be talking about me. I distinctly heard the word "wetback" in one of his rants and the only people in this library (and this state) are indians and white bread folk. I stick out like a sore thumb in a toe convention.

-There's an overweight indian chick, Native American I should say, who smells of sweat as if she has walked here from a great distance in the 109-degree heat. There are no open computers and she doesn't have a reservation and apparently the 30-seconds it takes to make a reservation is too much for her. So she is going to EVERYONE'S COMPUTER and, apparently because she is goddamned blind, she is shoving her fat fucking rude ass head INTO EVERYONE'S COMPUTER SCREEN to see the small box on the bottom right that says how much time you have left. She is looking at EVERYONE's computer screens, covering up the screen, getting her fat face between you and your computer, and she's doing this to everyone.

-My daughter, Isabela, is with me. She brought her Nintendo DS. And some girl, some freaking STRANGER, asked her to play it. A complete and total FUCKING stranger had the BALLS to ask my daughter to let her play her DS. Seriously, WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!?!? It reminds me of the time I loaned a stranger an album I bought before I even bought it. Bela is repeating my life. I hope to god she doesn't have to relive my whole life. Most of it was loneliness and hurt. I want more for her.

Anyway, things are good.

I have just completed an entire week of being a stay at home dad. It's pretty fun/boring/exciting/freeing/depressing/awesome.

Pick one of those.

I wish I had the internet at home. Or a working computer. Or cable. Or a tv that got television stations.

I watch a lot of dvds. A LOT! And I do a lot of reading.

Hey, it MAY be slow and maddening and frustrating and a bit lonely. But it's better than working at a bookstore that doesn't care if I live or die.

SO HA!

I'm getting out of here. These people are reeeally creeping me out.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Working Wife And The Home Dad ...

My wife started her big new job with the state this past monday. Since then I have been a stay-at-home dad, taking care of Maxwell and cleaning the house, doing laundry and cleaning dishes and taking care of my two girls after school.

A work friend of mine, a female who will remain nameless, when I told her that I would be spending more time at home, said ...

"Are you SUUURE you're okay with that?"

FUCK YEAH I'M OK WITH IT!!!

I guess that, being in Oklahoma, I'm expected to work 45 hours a week in a factory and not care about my family and drink too much and die while my wife cooks anmd cleans and takes care of the kids and shits out more babies.

But fuck that!

I deserve a break!

So yay me!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Job Fair (Jobs And Fairs) ...

Sorry. I know it's been a while.

It's just that hours are few and far between at work, so that means hardly any money for me and my fam. Times are tight. But, then again, that's been my life for quite some time now, right?

So what's new? Nothing much, really. Been broke. Been going to job interviews. Been cutting myself. Been manic-depressive, which is 50% awesome. So, you know, the usual.

I'm trying to see my underemployment as being a blessing in disguise because it means that I get to spend good time with my kids. My oldest daughter is developing my love for Adam Warrock music as well as my own sense of humor and smart ass'd attitude, which is funny for me but torturous for my poor wife. My youngest daughter is becoming a big reader, waaaaay ahead of her class. And Maxwell, my darling son, is about to become two. He is becoming potty trained, mostly, and he usually wants nothing more than to sit down with his daddy and watch Godzilla movies or old Ultraman episodes. It's great.

About jobs ...

(sigh)

I realized recently why I haven't been that successful with my job hunt.

See, Oklahoma is a small state. If you get a ticket here the ticket has your court date, the time of your court date, the judge's name you will go up against, the address of the court, directions on how to freaking get there. However, if you get a ticket in California you get nothing. Instead, they mail you your court date to your home at a later time. I guess that's because Cali is a much bigger state with about 20% of all of America's criminals.

So I got a ticket. And a month later, I got nothing in the mail.

I called the state and asked about my ticket. They said that they had no record that I got a ticket. I had them check and double check and triple check and all that. No ticket.

Then I moved.

Then, sometime during the 20+ months that I have lived in Okieville, they apparently found my lost ticket. Since I no longer lived in that state anymore, they couldn't get ahold of me to pay it.

And that, my friends, is why there is a warrant for my arrest in the state of California.

Yay for that.

Thankfully, however, my wife just landed a really sweeeeet state job that should pay enough for us to actually live above the poverty line like actual human beings. I'm pretty excited for that. This means that I will be taking care of Maxwell more and it means that we should actually be able to affors stuff like regular humans do. Maybe I can go see movies again. The last film I saw was Iron Man 3. I missed most of the rest of the summer. That sucks.

What else?

The Oklahoma State Fair is coming up.

Didn't go last year. We'll probably go this year.

It just won't be the same.

I mean, I loved the Arizona State Fair as a kid. I never missed it. And the California one is epic and it became an important part of my family's year. We would usually have season passes, pimp style.

But the okie hicksville fair?

LAME!

Anyway, wish me luck.

I always need it.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Various Random Whatnots ...

-My wife and I both have a few job interviews coming up, so again please send your prayers, well wishes, or human sacrifices this way.

-My youngest daughter and I are sharing a television obsession: the 1970s British sitcom "Are You Being Served?" My parents and I would watch it on our local PBS station in Phoenix when I was a child. I didn't understand it all, what with me being seven or eight, but I have been checking them out of the Norman library and I've been loving them all over again. And my Isabela loves them, too. She laughs at the physical humor and Mr. Humphreys and everything. It's nice to share this with her. Makes me feel like my father. I've been feeling like him a lot, especially with my money problems.

-There is an opening for a pretty big job that I know I could get. It'd be a pay raise and guaranteed hours. The thing is that it would be a job at a store ... in Arizona. And that means that I would have to live with MY PARENTS!?! And if I got it then I'd probably end up moving there by myself and working for a few months before my wife and kids were able to move, so I would be without them for Wood knows how long. Could I even do that? I don't know ...

-My youngest daughter is SO LOUD! And I try not to freak out about it and get angry. Do you know why? Because it's just God fucking with me. I was loud as HELL when I was a kid. Now that I have kids this is punishment. Parental karma. Messed up.

Well, wish me luck.

Laters.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

Today's film is a bad movie classic!

So buckle up, campers!

Yoinked from wikipedia with my own saucy style added for flavor ...

"Cat-Women of the Moon is a 1953 science fiction film directed by Arthur Hilton. It stars Sonny Tufts, Victor Jory and Marie Windsor. The musical score was composed by Elmer Bernstein. The plot revolves around an expedition to the moon which encounters a race of 'Cat-Women', the last eight survivors of a 2-million-year-old civilization, deep within a cave where they have managed to maintain the remnants of a breathable atmosphere that once covered the moon.

The film is also crap. It's one of the all-time-great schlock masterpieces. It's bad. Real bad.

But, like so many bad black and white movies from the 1950s and 60s, it's bad in a cute, pathetic sort of way.

Enjoy ..."

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Well Wishes THIS Way ...

Things MAAAAY be looking up for me ...

I spent the first three hours of my day in a local job center near my house. I got a brand new spanking resume from my father, tweaked it, and used it to apply for eight nearby jobs.

There's even a kids-centric library job that's open near my current job that going to try and get and that I hope I nab because I'm PURRRFECT for it!

So please send your prayers, well wishes, positive vibes, and/or goat sacrifices THIS way, towards Nowhere, Oklahoma, towards me.

Thank you.