NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

YAY! BAD MOVIE TIME!

Today is a good/bad one ...

"Superargo is a 1960s Italian wrestler/superhero movie. It it crap. It is only barely watchable by watching the Cinema Insomnia version.

Cinema Insomnia is a nationally syndicated American television series presented by horror host Mr. Lobo. It's fun and funny and I, Reverend Steve, writer of this blog, know Mr. Lobo and have appeared in a handful of episodes, althought not this particular one."

Enjoy ...

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Bad Movie Art: Part One ...

This is a picture I drew last night. I think its damn good.

It's a pivotal scene in Ed Wood's "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and it came out much better than I thought it would.

I plan on doing a whole series of drawn scenes from bad movies now.

This is part one ...

Why My In-Laws Despise Me ...

Data plans.

Fucking data plans.

Do people even DO stupid data plans anymore?

I honestly cannot imagine most people out there still doing old school data plans for their cell phones anymore. I mean, aren't most people nowadays doing these really nice unlimited plans with unlimited data and unlimited everything? Aren't most people out there no longer tied down by a stupid little limited number of gigs a month? Isn't that an incredibly old, outdated and antiquated idea in this modern day?

Yeah.

I'm stuck in a data plan with my in-laws, as if you couldn't tell.

There's my mother and father in law, my brother in law and his wife, my wife, and, finally, myself. And the six of us are somehow supposed to share a measly eight gigs of data every month.

I hate it.

I use the majority of the data every month, which regularly causes my father in law to want to rip my head off like the angry grizzly bear that he sometimes is.

In my defense, though, I have suddenly found myself as a stay at home dad in a house in yhe middle of redneck nowhere with  absolutely no wifi, no internet, no cable, no local television stations, nothing at all, completely cut off from the outside world.

It drives me nuts being shut off ftom existence. Just being alive gives me cabin fever, me spending almost all of my time stuck in this godforsaken house with absolutely no link whatsoever to the outside world. What am I, fucking Amish? It's like every day I wake up stuck in a remote cabin in the woods or a goddamn prison. I can't take it. I can't. It makes me want to blow my fucking brains out.

So I turn on the data on my phone so that I can feel like an actual member of planet earth.

And I use too much data.

And my in-laws plot my death.

Fuck me.

Seriously.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Family Christmas 2013 ...

Fun time. Pretty fun. 

Got a few things. Kids were happy. And the amount of fighting at the in-laws was minimal.

Here are some random pictures for you ...

Monday, December 23, 2013

Recycled Wrapping ...

I'm doing something different this Christmas.

It's pretty cool.

See, I have a LLLLLOT of old magazines and comic books lying around the house that I really should start getting rid of.

And I absolutely hate wrapping Christmas presents!

So i'm recycling the magazines and stuff, ripping them up and using the pages and ads and stuff to try and artistically wrap most of this year's presents.

It's made wrapping presents fun as hell this year. It's a blast trying to find the best pages and pictures to use.  

Plus it's a fairly green thing to do, I suppose. Which is good.

I sstrongly recommend that you follow my example and recycle your media for a fun wrapping craft this year. 

Here are a few of my personal favorites so far ...

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

"Yarasa Adam (otherwise known as "Turkish Batman") is a horrendous 1973 Turkish ripoff of Batman.

See, in Turkey the copyright laws are notoriously lax. Filmmakers there are known to take American films and butcher them into their own films. Turkish Star Trek and Turkish Star Wars are other hillarious examples.

Turkish Batman takes a number of laughable liberties with Barman. Remember when Batman used guns, hung out in strip clubs with Robin, beat up women, and didn’t have to wear a mask if he didn’t want to? Neither do I. But this is a pretty awesome flick."

Saturday, December 21, 2013

My Oldest Daughter's Slumber Party ...

My oldest daughter turned 12 yesterday.

She had a huge ass slumber party.

Have YOU ever tried to get ready for work at 5:45am while 10 tweens are sleeping on your living room floor?

It's haaaaard!

Anyway, here are the pics ...

Monday, December 16, 2013

Spamming Spammers ...

I did something mean.

VERY mean.

But I think I was justified.

See, i've been getting a lot of calls lately. They're all from completely different numbers from all over the nation but they're all the same spam recording. I've been getting about four or five calls a week and it's not stopping.

It's from some bullshit company called World Acceptance something-or-other and they start by saying how the FBI warns about the dangers of home invasions. They then start in on their spiel about how I need a security system. 
It's total bullshit and i'm getting really frustrated about it.

The problem is that I keep putting my number on their no call list but, seeing as they are all technically different numbers, once I get my number on a no call list they call me from a totally different damn phone number.

There seems to be no real way to stop them.

Soooo...

I got a call from spammers today wanting to give me a free home security system. Afterwards, instead of asking them to put me on their no call list, I pressed 1 which meant that I wanted more information.

Five minutes later I got a call from a representative. 

I waited until the woman on the line was done talking. She asked me if I was the owner of the house.

That was when I screamed as loud as I could nonstop.

I screamed bloody murder until she hung up 15 seconds later. At the end of it all little Maxwell was screaming along with me.

I know it's not that woman's fault.

But fuck those guys.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Too Busy ...

Sorry.

Just too darn busy.

First off, when I'm at work, we're not only swamped by holiday shopping "ijits" but there's a visit from the C.E.O. of the company this wednesday.

And when I'm at home I'm rushing to clean up for the inspection this week as well as my oldest daughter's big party at the end of the week.

There is no rest for me.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Thank Gawd For The Sun ...

My two daughters had Thursday off because of ice and sleet and frozen roads.

They then had Friday off because of about six inches of snow.

Then the weekend.

Then the snow stopped, but because no one bothered to do any snow plowing or salting or shoveling of any kind here in Shawnee, the roads stayed completely covered in ice this whole damn week.

So my kids had yesterday AND today off, too, despite the weather being a million times better.

But it's late Tuesday. The sun is out. It's getting warmer. And what sounds like rain outside is actually the snow and the icicles melting at a rapid pace.

Thank Gawd, too, because my daughters were seriously getting on my fucking nerves.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

The Problem With Oklahoma TV News ...

"This is the absolute WORST STORM EVER! If you are NOT panicing and completely shitting yourself then you had better start NOW! If you are not in a fortified bunker then you and everyone you know will soon DIE! AAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
-Oklahoma TV News during a SMALL storm

And here are some links to some great examples:

KFOR tv Channel 4

Oklahoma TV News results in deaths

Meterologist Mike Morgan

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Steve's (Snowy) Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

Because of the snow I'm doing a movie of the week rerun, my favorite cheesy snow-based movie.

So enjoy!




Yoinked from the wiki and from 1000misspenthours.com ...


"The Snow Creature is a 1954 black-and-white sci-fi monster movie produced and directed by W. Lee Wilder, and written by Myles Wilder. It stars Paul Langtonand and Leslie Denison as members of a scientific expedition to the Himalaya's that encounter and capture a Yeti. The creature is then brought back to the U.S., only to escape and run havoc in Los Angeles. It's the east coast King Kong, only strange and boring and without talent.


Director W. Lee Wilder was the same talentless clod who gave us Killers from Space and The Man Without a Body, and The Snow Creature is every bit as shabby and lackluster as either of those turkeys. The movie has been released on DVD in numerous bargain basement versions and is now considered a cult classic.




The movie has two acts, the first taking place in the exotic locale of the Himalayas and the second occurring in Los Angeles, California. While the first act takes place in an undisclosed Himalayan country (presumably bordering India) the actors portraying the locals speak Japanese for some reason. Whatever, freaking Japs.


So The Snow Creature was the first of several 'Yeti/Abominable Snowman' themed movies. It also bore some strong resemblance to King Kong, in terms of plot, with act-one in an exotic setting and act-two taking place in an urban setting. The monster is captured in the first act and is brought to the urban setting in the second act, only to be set loose -seeking out a habitat similar to its home (in this case, the snow creature runs to the sewers of L.A.). Finally, both films feature a monster that is drawn to women.




Beyond the singularly tacky monster suit (it’s nothing but a bunch of cheap furs sewn haphazardly together), the excessive reliance on voice-over to propel the story, and a cast that deservedly spent most of its respective careers playing characters with names like Farmer, Policeman, and Japanese Ambassador, The Snow Creature suffers from the deadliest of all shortcomings... it’s fairly boring.


Apart from the specific nature of the monster, there’s nothing here you won’t have seen done better a hundred times already, and even its one distinctive selling point, the Yeti, was done better several times in subsequent years. But I guess it gets points for being the first.


Anyway, it's a bad movie and you'll have fun watching it. So watch."


Maxwell's Snow Day ...

Ok, here's a correction:

Yesterday, we actually got about four inches of snow. My in-law's house got a little over six inches of the stuff. And all of the road around us are just blanketed with inches of ice.

And Maxwell, my upstart two year old, refused to come in to the house yesterday.

Here are the pics ...

Friday, December 6, 2013

Snow Day ...

I spent the first twenty odd years of my life living in Phoenix, Arizona. I was at a waterpark the day it hit 122-degrees.

Perhaps it's my fiery latino blood but I love the heat. I love it. I just can't STAND the cold.

I REPEAT: I CANNOT STAND THE COLD!!!

Keep that in mind as you see these pictures ...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The Paper And I ...

The Norman Transcript newspaper NEVER does any little blurbs advertising my weekly storytimes.

Never.

Remember that, okay?

I usually do storytime every Saturday at 11am. It's prrrrretty crazy and the kids love me.

However, since it's the crazy days of the holiday season, we decided to cancel the weekly storytimes starting this past Saturday all the way to the end of the year.

So no storytimes this past Saturday.
Right?

And guess what newspaper suddenly decided to start advertising my storytimes?

You guessed it ...