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Friday, January 3, 2014

Man of Steel: Steve's Pretty AWESOME Review ...

So i've finally gotten around to watching the new Superman movie, "Man of Steel."

Yawn.

Ok.

Let's get into this.

See, what made that last Spider-Man movie good was that it took the tired old origin story that you know, that EVERYBODY knows, but it was a radically different version of it, one with things you didn't know, different insights, new information, a brand new take on a classic story but with new "meat" to it. It all felt shockingly new.

Not this.

The only things that are "new" in this new Superman movie are the faces and the special effects. There's nothing else really new to this story. It's all the same exact shit. Sure it's polished and then fabricated to look gritty and raw but underneath all that it's just the same old shit.

Heres the deal: Marvel stays true to the original comic books while DC says "Fuck the comic books" and just makes them look all gritty and shit. An Aquaman movie would have Bryan Cranston doing crack in a run down Sea World.

That's the Nolan factor.

Fucking Christopher Nolan is absolutely ruining comic book movies.

Superman sucks anyway.

He has every power. He has the power set that a five year old would give himself if he was playing superheroes:

"Okay so like I can fly and i'm like indestructible and I can shoot heat lazers outta my eyeballs and i'm indestructible and I have ice breath aaaaaaand I can fly."

I'll give the movie this, tho. It's pretty as hell.

Too bad it's nothing new.

Yawn.

Look at the following picture. Look how "excited" my son is halfway thru this gritty Nolan dick sucking fest. It's pretty goddamn classic. In fact, Maxwell's face is a much better review than I could EVER write ...

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