NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Friday, February 14, 2014

My Recent Twitter And Facebook "Zingers" ...

In Fantastic Four, @jessicaalba played her toughest role: a blonde haired, blue eyed white girl.

At what point do we "Simpsons Movie" West Virginia and just dome up that place?

I am proud to have lived to see the day when Jay Leno f-ing leaves.

Eye doctor had me take OFF my glasses and read the largest letter they could project. I told her I saw a swastika.

There's a book called "SATAN, you can't HAVE my marriage!" My book is called "Satan, now, this isn't a yes ... but just ballpark it for me, how much money are we talking about here?"

Wouldn't be surprised if #Scientology had something to do with Phillip Seymour Hoffman's death. It's a religion of snakes and liars.

When people talk about #racism it's almost always in regards to black/asians. It's fairly acceptable to still hate mexicans in the US.

If someone wants to make something "diverse" they almost always add every race imaginable ... BUT mexicans. We don't count.

BREAKING NEWS: #Nintendo to hide under covers and continue pretending that no one plays games on their cell phones.

To make Super Why more interesting to watch, my mind's eye has given all the Super Readers former addictions that they've kicked. Alpha Pig did Heroin with Phillip Seymour Hoffman on the set of Boogie Nights.

Don't tell me mountains can't be moved. It can be done with true love and being true to yourself. And dynamite. A shitload of dynamite.

When did Wal-Mart make neck tattoos mandatory?

Birdemic is SUCH A BAD MOVIE that even the biggest bad movie lover watches this film and thinks: "Perhaps its not too late to become an accountant."

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they bleed to death.

Looked over my daughter's report card. Straight A's except for one F in "Gender" which I am reeeeeally angry about!

Ya know ... I never did figure out who killed Harlowe Thrombey.

You say tomato, I say I fucking hate tomatoes.

Wow! I just won a free $1,000 Wal-Mart gift card - no scam! - and all I had to do was slaughter two baby goats! And I got to pick the goats!

If the book "Skippyjon Jones" was about a cat who wanted to be a pitbull, puts on gold chains and an afro, and talks ghetto slang, then THAT would be widely considered racist and would be altogether banned. But the book's current racist attitude towards Mexicans is COMPLETELY ignored and the book is considered a children's classic.

I'm at a Halloween party dressed as a taco pirate. Just a typical day.

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