NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Randomly Themed Paragraphs ...

SHAWNEE SHOPPING:

I always feel so strange when I go shopping here in Shawnee, Oklahoma. It's strange for me going into a Walmart and being the only non-white person there. Same with Dollar Tree. I get panic attacks when I go out shopping. I'm like a small brown dot in a sea of milky white faces. It's strange and it makes me uncomfortable, the stares I get, me with my long hair and unkempt facial hair and dark skin. AAAAAND white wife. Let's not forget that we're an interracial couple. I had an old white veteran shake his head in disgust a few days ago over my wife and I holding hands. I'm in a different world now, a world filled to the brim with old people and ignorant people and bitchy disapproving Christians and a very low literacy rate. I'm a walking contradiction, a man with a giant bullseye on my face, and it makes every second outside my home highly awkward.

NETFLIX:

This is juuuuuuust GRRRREAT! Last weekend, while I was at work, my daughters apparently got my two year old son hooked on that utterly ATROCIOUS Super Mario Bros. Super Show from the 80s. Bad animation. Captain Lou Albano. "Do The Mario". I have spent the last two days watching this absolutely shitty ass show and I swear to Gawd that my brain has been fucking melting because of it. I can't take much more of this. If I have to hear "Swing your arms from side to side ..." all day, I swear I will go nucking futs.

EATING:

I think I may have an eating disorder. For starters, my massive coffee consumption helps me go thru a large part of my day without any food. For lunch I usually just have some popcorn. Honestly, I would say that most days I only eat a snack for lunch and then a regular sized dinner. That can't be healthy. I think it has to do with my weight. See, a few months ago I actually got up to 166 pounds. I know that's not a lot but it is to me. That was the fattest I've ever gotten. And according to the kiiiiinda bullshit Body Mass Index I was obese. And that really scarred me. So I guess that's when I started starving myself. A few weeks ago I weighed myself and I was 148 lbs. That seems pretty drastic, you know? I don't know. I'm eating more now, however, due to the fast that it's tax time and so we have money and so we're eating out a lot. Golden Corral is pretty awesome. So we'll see. We'll see how my weight does.

SCHOOL DAYS:

My eight year old daughter Isabela has been having a really tough time lately. She just hates school. She says it sucks and every morning is like a comedically frustrating sisyphean ordeal, She sleeps in, drags her feet, complains about everything, and she invents problems and illnesses in the hopes of staying home from school. Her legs always hurt. Her ears ache. Her hands ache. Her eyes are sensitive. She just doesn't want to go to school. She's not getting bullied and she's not getting in trouble or anything. She just doesn't want to go to school. She says that they make her do too much work and it bores her. Poor girl. Just wait till she has to get a job. Total boredom. Am I right?

WRESTLING:

So I've recently found an amazing British website that streams all the live WWE events including Raw aaaaand every pay per view absolutely free. It's my new home for all things wrestling, especially since I don't have cable and I refuse to pay for their new streaming service. So I've had a fun two weeks there watching stuff. I've watched two Raw broadcasts and the Royal Rumblea and last weekend's Elimination Chamber and, I say this again for emphasis, I saw it all aaaaaaabsolutely free. It's been fun logging into their chat room and watching wrestling with a few hundred wrasslin' fans, mostly from Europe but a few from the USA who accidentally found the site just like I did. It's been fun. It feels good to have friends online to watch WWE with and it feels good to be back into wrestling again. Uuuuuuunfortunately, the WWE has really been sucking ass lately. It's obvious that the fans want Daniel Bryan as champion and they're extremely vocal about it, but WWE is internally run by Triple H and his wife now and they want to push their old buddies and consistently screw over the people who the fans really want to have on top. THIS is why CM Punk quit a few weeks ago. He doesn't want to be a part of this corrupt red tape fucking bullshit. It's total crap right now. I'd be even MORE upset of I was paying money for this. I mean, thank GAWD I'm watching this shit for fee. The WWE doesn't DESERVE my money right now, the assholes.

No comments: