NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Saturday, April 5, 2014

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Wrestlemania Double Feature ...

Soooo, Wrestlemania is this weekend.

I had given up on the WWE for various reasons. First off, we didn't have cable or wi-fi, so I was pretty much forcefully removed from all things wrestling. Also, they were burying Daniel Bryan while C.M. Punk just quit, so things were bad for a while.

But I'm an old school wrestling fan and, well, things changed. Fan favorite and WWE punching bag Daniel Bryan just might walk away with the championship and I've found a great place to watch everything for free, so my love for the WWE is gaining speed.

(Plus, I'm gaining a lot of twitter traction from my hilarious live tweets during WWE events, so follow me if you're a wrestling fan.)

So here's a double feature for you, a horrible wrestling movie and a "religious" themed movie about a kick ass savior.

Enjoy ...

"No Holds Barred is a 1989 film produced by Michael Rachmil, directed by Thomas J. Wright, written by Dennis Hackin and starring professional wrestler Hulk Hogan (who is billed as executive producer alongside Vince McMahon). The film is produced by World Wrestling Federation (now WWE, inc.) under a 'Shane Distribution Company' copyright and was released by New Line Cinema on June 2, 1989. It was launched as an attempt to boost Hulk Hogan's acting career several years after his appearance in Rocky III.

The movie debuted at #2, behind Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, with $4,957,052 in ticket sales. Hogan writes in his autobiography the budget was about eight million dollars. Vince McMahon, who financed the movie, more or less broke even because of distribution fees. The final tally was $16,093,651 in ticket sales. The film was widely panned by critics, with a 5% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on 19 reviews . Film critic Brian Orndorf described the film as 'tremendously crude, unapologetically manipulative, and aimed directly at easily entertained 13-year-old boys.' Recently, the film has developed a cult following."

Man this movie is shit. I mean, I was twelve when this movie came out and I was a huge Hulk Hogan fan ... and I STILL thought it was shit way back THEN! I guess I knew a bad movie even when I was a kid, you know?

Anyway, have fun with it.

INTERMISSION TIME!

... aaaaand now here's part two for you sinners!

"Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a 2001 cult film from Odessa Filmworks which deals with Jesus' modern-day struggle to protect the lesbians of Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, from vampires with the help of Mexican wrestler El Santo (based on El Santo, Enmascarado de Plata, and played by actor Jeff Moffet, who starred as El Santo in two other Odessa Filmworks productions). This film earned an honorable mention in the Spirit of Slamdance category at the 2002 Slamdance Film Festival.

I know it might sound good, but trust me: it's a pretty horrible movie.

The movie begins with Jesus Christ sitting on a beach relaxing and comparing the kingdom of God to a sand castle. He meets up with El Santo and a woman named Mary Magnum. Together they fight lesbian-killing vampires. Jesus fights with mixed martial arts skills and uses his carpentry skills to create weapons to slay vampires."

...and today's second feature is one of my award-winning youtube playlists which you people seem to like so much. I've filled this week's playlist half full of my usual mix of retro movie theater and drive-in stuff and half with a bunch of crrrrrazy anti-religious and anti-Christian stuff I found. No offense. I firmly believe in freedom of religion. I mean, of COURSE I do! But televangelism is all in all prrrrretty evil, as this playlist will show. Plus, it really gets you in the mood for the movie.

Enjoy ...

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