NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, October 27, 2014

My Podcast: Episode Four (With Movie) ...

Hello everybody. And welcome back, people!

Yaaay! Here it is, episode freaking FOUR of my new damn podcast! And, again, forgive me for geeking out a bit here but ... how cool is this, huh? I have my own podcast! And this is episode four!

Aaaaaawesome!

In episode four, my partner in crime Bunny and I discuss awkward massages, six year olds with coffee, comic bookss, and the amazingly, jaw droppingly horrible 1976 movie "A*P*E" ...

That's a really good episode. Right? Honestly, the more episodes we do of this podcast, the more comfortable we get with talking about a bunch of random ass things. This show really, really is getting better with time.

Good stuff.

And now, if you liked the podcast and are interested in learning more about today's broadcast, I now proudly present to you the actual movie that was discussed, the absolutely, unbelievably hideous 1976 film "A*P*E" ...

Enjoy!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Now You Can Like My Storytimes On Facebook ...

Hey!

Guess what?

I have a nice, big, professional Facebook page for my amazing weekly storytimes now!

How awesome is that, huh?

It got over 100 likes in less than a week!

I'm really going places!

So go and like my storytimes on Facebook!

And here are some recent pics ...

Please please please please PLEEEAAASE go and like it.

Thank you for your time.

Watching Firefly For The First Time: "Out of Gas" ...

Hello and welcome back!

Do you know what time is it, my friends?

Yes! It is time once again for me, Reverend Steve, to watch an episode of Firefly for the first time.

It's been waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.

Yaaaaay! I just love all these Firefly posts, don't you? They seem to be pretty popular, lots of page hits for these babies, so I guess you do.

So, yeah. Awesome.

Anyway, it's been well over a month now since I started taking my first steps into the world of movies and tv shows that I've never bothered to watch. I have a real problem with popularity when it comes to pop culture. I've stayed away from a lot of things just because if their popularity. But I'm trying to change and to open my mind to new experiences and actually watch some of the crap I've always avoided for various reasons. And the first one that I have decided to try and watch is Joss Whedon's cult hit Firefly.

Here's how its been so far ...

The first pilot episode was just ok. Then I saw the second pilot episode, and that was much better. The third episode was a damn funny blog post. Then the next one I saw had boobs, so of course it was good. Then the next one I saw was a funny episode that I liked. And then the next one I saw was good, too. It had Zac Efron and junk. And the last one, the Jayne-centric one, was a bit of cheesy fun.

I bing-ed this episode (Get it? Because "Google" as a verb is to mainstream) and apparently today's episode, entitled Out of Gas, "differs stylistically from the rest of the series, in that it tells its story alternately in three timeframes: events in the present, events in the near-past that led to the present, and events in the past that led to the formation of Serenity's core crew."

Hmmmm ... this should beeeeeeee ... interesting?

So now it's time. Come, my invisible internet friends. Come sit by the fire or, in this case, the warm glow of your electronic device. Let us all sit down, watch another space cowboy episode, make fun of Tucson, Arizona (which I manage to do in every post), and have some stupid fun riffing on Firefly.

Lets do this ...

Opening narration is Mal. I like Barney Miller's narration better but what are you going to do, right?

So the ship is floating in space. It looks empty. And Mal collapses? And already there's a flashback. Jeez. This looks to be an episode where I'll have to think. I hate thinking. I don't regularly watch stuff to have to solve some puzzle or change my way of thinking or figure out the mystery. I watch entertainment to be entertained. I'll watch "Lobster Man from Mars" a million times before I'll see "Memento" twice. Anways, Mal and Zoe walking into the ship for the first time. Nathan Fillion looks to be about nineteen right here. Gawd. What a n00b!

I just want to point out that I'm watching this with closed captioning on and, when it was revealed right before the credits that Mal is bleeding, the closed captioning said "[grunts] [straining] [liquid splashing]" and that's just creepy. I think my closed captioning just sexually harassed me. I feel used, sexually, just from having to read that. Eww. Can someone say JAPANESE WEBSITE?

Shot of Mal staggering, then another flashback, this one slightly before whatever happened in the beginning. Loud dinner. Laughing. The doctor tries to tell a funny story and gets shot down. Ha ha, dumbass! You're vague and not well written! You're the Tucson of this show.

Thought I'd get the Tucson crack out of the way early this time.

It's the doctor's birthday. A lame ass cake. Then there's an explosion. Zoe gets hurt. Ehh. She doesn't have anything going for her, No great loss there. Then we get a shot of some of the worst, most CGI-looking fire this side of those lame Fantastic Four movies. Man those sucked, right?

Another flashback, this time showing us Wash with a mustache. Hiiiiiiiideous!

Now the flashbacks are coming fast. Adrenaline shots straight out of Pulp Fiction. Mal in the present dying. Zoe might die. And they're running out of air. It's the poor man's sci-fi cowboy Momento.

Hooray, he said sarcastically.

Sorry. I'm having a really hard time following this episode. There's three timelines happening at the same time. It's hard to follow a bit, you know?

Plus my son is LITERALLY crawling all over me right now.

See ...

It's a bit distracting.

So they hired an engineer. He's a shirtless beach bum. He's like the physical embodiment of a Jack Johnson song. He's like a human version of the turtle from Finding Nemo. He's a joke. But he's banging some chick and apparently that chick turns out to be Kaylee. Umm, aaaaawkward! But cute.

More flashbacks. Mal is going to go down with the shit. Oh, I meant ship. But I didn't correct him because "down with the shit" seemed funnier. Then there's the spacewhore. Great. I really don't care too much about how the spacewhore came to be on the ship. She's a soft talker. I don't like that. And Jayne gets an origin story, too. Man, he's a freaking ham. Seriously.

Mal gets saved, but the people who come to save him are kinda being dicks about it and, oops, they shoot Mal. It's a gutshot. And, believe me, I know a thing or two about gutshots, so I know it's going to hurt like hell but it takes forever to die from. Also, the song "Like A Virgin" is about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick, but that's not applicable to this particular episode of Firefly, nor will it ever be, I'm guessing.

Anyhoo, Mal gets a gun and the tables have turned ...

He gets his part, the bad people leave, and sure he's bleeding out but he has his part. Then he passes out.

When he awakens he gets a scene right out of the ending of The Wizard of Oz. Everyone's there. They came back for him. It's straight out of Oz, man, seriously. It's so cheesy. But good enough of an ending, along with a final scene where Mal buys the ship and starts all this. It's a real circle of life sort of thing.

AND CREDITS!

Well, ok. Overall I think that this was a pretty good episode. It was hard to follow, partially due to my loud, screaming baby, but I liked the flashbacks. I like seeing a different side of Mal other than the gruff but honor driven captain. I like seeing more of him. Screw everybody else. I want more Nathan Fillion.

Good stuff. I liked it.

More soon ...

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

My Podcast: Episode Three (With Film) ...

Hello everybody! I'm baaaack!

Look, I know I haven't been posting too much lately. But hey, I've been busy kicking ass and taking names. Because I make reciepts for all the ass kickings that I give. For tax purposes, you understand. I have to be thorough.

Anyway, here is episode THREE of my new podcast.

Forgive me fr geeking out a bit here but ... how cool is this, huh? I have a podcast! And this is episode three! Awesome!

In episode three, I discuss the history of the church, the story of the dirt bar (which is where a large portion of my twenties occurred), and the absolutely crazy Monkees film "Head" that is, surprisingly, prrrrrretty amazing.

That was a good episode, right? The more we do episodes, the more comfortable I think I get with talking about things. We are getting better with time. It's really something I'm proud of, honestly.

Good stuff.

Damn good stuff.

And now, if you liked the podcast and are interested in learning more about today's broadcast, I now proudly present to you the actual damn movie that was discussed today, the absolutely crazy 1968 psychedelic film "Head" ...

Enjoy!

Monday, October 13, 2014

My Podcast: Episode Two (With Film) ...

So my first episode of my brand new podcast premiered last week and I got a few good reviews. I got "Pretty fucking funny stuff" and "I didn't turn it off, so I must like you." Sooooooo, basically, comedy gold.

And so, my new podcast, called "The Pope On Film," is n ow available on iTunes and on YouTube. We even have our own Facebook page which you should like right now as well as our own Feedburner, so you have no excuse NOT to listen to the goddamn thing. I mean fuck, it's FREE! What the hell is YOUR problem?

So please please please please pleeeeease, if you have an iTunes account, then PLEASE go and subscribe to the thing. Every week I will be talking about movies (and getting drunk) with my partner in crime Bunny Williams. It's a darn good show, its pretty damn funny, and if you don't subscribe to it then ISIS wins. They do. FACT! And do YOU want the terrorists to win? HUH? DO YOU?!?

Anyway, here is episode two of "The Pope On Film." It's a much better episode, in my opinion, than episode one. We get into a heated and lively discussion about the hideously wonderful movie "Rock of Ages" ...

Good stuff.

Damn good stuff.

And now, if you liked the podcast and are interested in learning more about today's broadcast, I now proudly present to you the actual damn movie that was discussed today, the embarrassing 2012 musical comedy "Rock of Ages."

Man! This is a baaaaaaad movie right here.

Enjoy ...

Click here to watch ROCK OF AGES for free! (Beware - there's a pop-up ad or two)

Sunday, October 12, 2014

What I Did This Week (In Pictures) ...

Isabela and I participated in National Walk To School Day, which is apparently a thing ...

I created a legitimately creepy coloring page for my storytimes ...

Maxwell was brave at the dentist, took everything like a champ, and fell in love with the tube thingy that sucks out all th spit from your mouth ...

Maxwell got in the habit of, if he's going to play with one toy, he had better have ALL his toys there just in case ...

I snuck into my daughter's room and pulled another prank on her by sneaking a decal on her window ...

I portrayed a famous bounty hunter looking for a certain pigeon ... and when I removed my helmet, MAJOR LAUGHS!

All in all, a pretty darn good week.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Not Feling Woodmas This Year ...

Hey.

It's me.

And I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling Woodmas this year.

Maybe it's my bipolar disorder talking, but I'm just feeling extrrrrremely sad and depressed lately.

It has to do with my family. I don't feel like they care about me at all anymore. I mean, I do sooooooo much for my kids, for my daughters, and for Natasha. I do so much! I care about them and I care about how they are. But do any of them care AT ALL about how I feel, about how I'm doing, and do any of them do anything for me? Very little to not at all.

I guess I'm just feeling unappreciated.

At work. At home. Everywhere.

Ehh. I'll be fine. Maybe it's just my bipolar flaring up like a bug bite.

Or maybe my family should actually respect me.

Anyway here's a link or two to previous posts from when I was actually in the spirit. I hope they do the trick for you.

I'm just going to sit here and be depressed for a while.

Don't mind me.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

My Podcast: Episode One (Now With Film) ...

Don't mind the random picture.

Man, though, that J.K. Rowling is one talented author.

ANYHOO, the first episode of my new podcast, "The Pope On Film," is now available on iTunes and on YouTube. Please, if you have a iTunes account, please please please lease PLEASE go and subscribe. Every week I will be talking about movies with my partner in crime Bunny Williams. It's a darn good show, pretty damn funny, and if you don't subscribe to it then ISIS wins. And do YOU want the terrorists to win? DO YOU?

Anyway, for your listening pleasure, I present to you my podcast. So here, my friend, is episode one, where the two of us talk at length about the crrrrrazy 1957 monster movie "The Giant Claw" ...

It's good stuff. Right? I think so. It's a good show.

And episode two? Man oh man! Episode two is going to be twice as better as episode one. I promise you that.

And now, if you liked the podcast and are interested in learning more about today's broadcast, I now proudly present to you the actua movie that was discussed, the 1957 giant monster film "The Giant Claw."

Enjoy ...

There will be a brand new podcast available on iTunes every Monday, so be sure and listen to that.

Next week's podcast will be about "Rock of Ages" and it's pretty darn entertaining.

So stay tuned!

Sunday, October 5, 2014

I Wonder How Many Mexican Men Have Ever Dressed Up As An X-Wing Pilot For Their Job ...

So we're supposed to have a big Star Wars Reads Day storytime on October 11th.

But I decided to do one better by having TWO big Star Wars storytme events, both this weekend as well as next weekend.

The storyteller, your very own Mr. Steve, became Jedi Master and legendary X-Wing Pilot Stevie-Won Kenobi, the sole survivor of the violent and bloody "Battle of Tucson, Arizona." I said that during storytime, which I think means that my constant Firefly jokes about Tucson have spilled out into the real world.

There was a little girl in the audience, a plant, who was being so loud and crazy and annoying that I lost my temper and kicked out for being rude. The audence was reall surprised. They were even MORE SURPRISED when she came back as Darth Little Girl and attacked me.

There were about thirty kids who attended, all very loud and crazy, some of them in costume, and there were even a bunch of older teens and adults to. It was a big success.

And now we're expecting even MORE people for our event next weekend!

Here's a few pics ...

Friday, October 3, 2014

Details On My New Podcast ...

I HAZ PODCAST!

I have a new podcast and today it was uploaded into into iTunes!

SWEEEEET!

The show is called "The Pope On Film" podcast and it is now in the iTunes store!!!!

The first episode will go up on iTunes and Youtube this Monday!

Join me, Reverend Steve Galindo and Woodian Saint Bunny Williams as we discuss our absolute favorite films.

Episode 1: THE GIANT CLAW!!!!

... so pleeeeaaase join us THIS MONDAY for a whole bunch of podcast fun!

That is all.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

This week's free movie is a classic but rarely seen Japanese kaiju movie. Good stuff right here.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the wikipedia gods and our friends over at The Dwrayger Dungeon ...

"The X from Outer Space (宇宙大怪獣ギララ Uchū Daikaijū Girara?, Giant Space Monster Guilala) is a 1967 kaiju film released by the Japanese film studio Shochiku, the same studio that also brought us GAPPA, THE TRIPHIBIAN MONSTER. This film was the first of its kind released by Shochiku, and was one of the many giant monster films made during the late '60s 'monster boom' in Japan. 1967 saw the release of a monster film from each of the big studios.

The film was directed by Kazui Nihonmatsu and starred Eiji Okada and Toshiya Wazaki. It has gone under many alternative titles, including Big Space Monster Guilala. The monster, known as Guilala in Japan, is also called 'Gilala' and 'Girara'. The film was released in the United States in 1968 as The X from Outer Space.

The story starts with a trip to the Moon by a small group of Japanese Astronuts in their famous spaceship, AAB-Gamma. There's fun to be had on the Moon, like, bouncing up and down on the surface in 1/6th gravity. They take off in AAB-Gamma for a space expedition where they encounter a glowing UFO. After the UFO buzzes them, they discover some residue on the exhaust shield and they snags a small glowing nodule and takes it back to the ship.

Back at the Earth lab, they find that the specimen has melted through the metal floor, like in the movie Alien, and, has disappeared. The glowing nodule becomes a giant rubber monster, because Japan, and 'The X' sticks its weird looking head out of a crater and is immediately attacked by tanks and missiles. Then the destruction begins.

Shochiku followed this film up with a follow-up film, entitled The Monster X Strikes Back/Attack the G8 Summit (ギララの逆襲/洞爺湖サミット危機一発 Girara no Gyakushū: Tōya-ko Samitto Kiki Ippatsu?). It was released in 2008, and unlike its 1967 predecessor, it is meant as a pure comedy with some political satire. Climaxing with a battle between Guilala and a new monster dubbed 'Demon-Man Take' (Take-Majin), a giant golden statue warrior who is heavily based upon and portrayed by Takeshi Kitano, whoever that is."

Ok. About this version ...

From the poster of the video:

"My own special edit, combining the American International Pictures English dub, with the higher quality original Japanese Soundtrack. I utilized noise reduction and equalized the AIP audio, only using the portions with English dialogue. Short pieces of Japanese dialogue are heard, for some portions that were not included in the AIP release. The AIP version is public domain and commercially unavailable."

Cool. Enjoy ...

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Watching Firefly For The First Time: "Jaynestown" ...

Hello everyone and welcome back!

Do what time is it, my friends?

Yes! It is once again time again for me, Reverend Steve, to watch an episode of Firefly for the first time.

Awesome! I love these Firefly posts.

Soooo.

If you're just joining us, then hi. I'm Steve. I'll be watching Firefly.

Beyond that, however, let me explain ...

So it's been probably a little over a month since I started taking my first steps into the world of movies and tv shows that I've never bothered to watch. I have a problem with popularity when it comes to pop culture. Something gets so popular that I'll automatically say no to it. And there's a lot that I've done that to. There's Battlestar Galactica, Dr. Who, Game of Thrones, Freaks and Geeks, Buffy, all of those crappy Transformers movies.

But I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be more of a Yes man. I'm trying to open my mind and watch some of this crap. And the first one that I have decided to try and watch is Joss Whedon's cult hit Firefly.

And while I'm talking about Firefly, did you know that my favorite musician (and semi-secret mancrush) Mr. Adam WarRock has made some really great and totally free Firefly related music that you should go download right now? Yeah. I love that man.

That's a picture of Adam WarRock and I at his OKC concert. I was so nervous meeting him that I quoted the movie Pitch Perfect: "Ok, I'm gonna go introduce myself. Everybody be cool, this is just a normal day."

He's a nice guy.

So the first pilot episode was just ok. Then I saw the second pilot episode, and that was much better. The third episode didn't have a lot to say but it was a damn funny blog post. Then the next one I saw had boobs, so of course it was good. Then the next one I saw was a funny episode and a funny ass blog post. And then the last one I saw was damn good, too. It had Zac Efron and junk.

So now it's time for another one. So lets all sit down, watch another episode, find a way to make fun of Tucson, Arizona (which I somehow do in every post), and have fun riffing on Firefly, whaddaya say?

Lets do this ...

So the next episode I will be watching, following the original chronology and not the screwed up chronology that Netflix has, is episode seven, entitled "Jaynestown." It was written by Ben Edlund, better know as the series creator of the show The Tick, which was a few decades ahead of it's time. I just recently showed that show to my kids and they LOOOOVED IT. So I'm already excited o see this episode.

The character of Jayne. Let's discuss.

I am not sure about him. On one hand, he's this gruff, rugged, hardcore character. But he's also the silliest character. He's quite a ham. He gives a lot of the silliest lines and he has inspired many an eye roll and a face palm from me as I watch these shows. See, I saw the tv show "Chuck" before this show, so I can honestly say that this man seems to be typecast as a tough, serious man who engages in silly things for the laughs of the audience, which may be why I'm already so sick of his character because I've seen it before. So the concept of a Jayne-heavy episode gives me mixed feelings. Is this going to be a silly guffaw episode? Is he going to continue chewing the scenery and mugging and hamming it up like he always does?

Ehh. Lets see.

Opening and wait WHAT??? Why the heck is Preacher doing the opening narration now? What the hell, Mr. Whedon? I have the beginnings of O.C.D. and that means that I like repetition. I mean, come on! You do one narrator, then you changed it to Mal talking and I tried to be okay with that, and now you've changed it on me again! What. The. Crapballs.

The first scene is Kaylee and the Doctor and they're talking about swear words. Hmm. Is it just me or does this budding "relationship" feel a bit forced and tacked on? Because that's how it feels to me. In fact, in the first couple of episodes I got the feeling that Kaylee liked Mal but then they decided to replace Kaylee with the Spacewhore and so they just got the only other available man on board and said "Here, Kaylee, like THIS guy now." Maybe it's just me.

Jayne is wrecking the medical facilities to get tape to tape a gun to his chest because he made a few enemies in Canton, where they're touching down. The Doc gets flustered, which seems to be his main job on the ship, to be the stereotypical stuffed shirt of the group. Mal says no to the gun and Jayne rips off the tape, then a close up on him as he, totally called it, mugs to the camera as if to say "I'm the rugged one in the group, so this baby faced whimper will be hilarious to you, you stupid audience. LAUGH AT ME!" Man, I called it. It's like three minutes into the episode and already I totally called his overacting.

Spacewhore goes off to work and everyone else lands. They come upon sweaty, stinky working men dredging a disgusting brown river and looking all gross and hideous. Wow, is this downtown Tucson, Arizona FOLKS!

While wandering the town they find a statue of Jayne, then credits.

Interesting.

Them finding the statue like that, I'm quite upset that nobody does the end "Planet of the Apes" scene right here ...

So Spacewhore lands. River and Preacher have a rather silly scene involving her fixing his Bible. Qute-ish. But seriously, am I really supposed to take ten year old looking River seriously?

While they're at the bar hearing a story about how the man they were waiting for was killed, someone sings a really cheesy and stupid sounding song about how Jayne is the hero of the town. Jayne explains how he accidentally dropped sixty thousand dollars in the middle of the town and now they see him as a sort of Robin Hood.

Things happen, slowly but surely. A lot of small little scenes happen one by one by one. River is frightened by Preacher's hair ... ummmm, that is sooooooooooooo racist. Like, seriously. A little white woman runs in fear of a black man's puffy, ratty hair. That is so totally racist. Like, dayyyyyummm, that's not even funny. Wow.

Spacewhore has been hired to bang the town leader's 26 year old son who is apparently still a virgin. And everyone is at the bar drinking because everyone realized that Jayne is their hero. Doc is drunk and hits on Kaylee. And River is now in hiding because of a black man's hair. Wow. Summer Glau is racist.

So now things come together. All the plots start to converge. Spacewhore has been hired to sleep with the son of the evil head of the town, the man who learns that the town hero is overacting at the bar. Mal arrives at the bar and the Doctor accidentally insults Kaylee, which gets her panties all twisted. Spacewhore does her job. And the crew are going to throw a "Jayne Day" celebration to use as a cover to smuggle stuff out of the town, but his old partner, whom he apparently double crossed, is released from prison by the head of the town and he beats up the Doctor looking for Jayne.

Escalating Tension 101. Plus the wronged partner has what looks like the world's fakest beard.

Jayne Day comes and he does a might pretty speech in front of his statue ...

So the confrontation comes. The partner reveals the truth to everyone, but some youngin' townie still jumps in front of the bullet and saves Jayne. He does another big, dramatic, pretty little speech about how he isn't really a hero, then they all get ready to leave. There's a lock on the ship that is meant to prevent it from taking off but the son of the leader, all strong from getting laid, undoes the lock on their ship and they leave.

Small scenes wrapping things up. River is scared of black people's hair. Doc and Kaylee have a cute little scene. Mal talks with Jayne as he deals with his guilt over someone saving his life.

And here's another big, quotable line ...

AND CREDITS!

Overall I think that was a good episode. I don't like Jayne's mugging and I don't think it's right for a young white girl to be afraid of a black man's hair. But despite all that, I thin it was a very good episode. It was funny, entertaining, and there was some action to it as well. And I must say that these characters are getting to me. They're sticking. I'm really liking these people. I wish that there could be more Mal-centered episodes, but I like my once or twice a week visits to their world. I'm really starting to grow fond of these people. I don't want them to go away.

Sigh. Oh well.

More Firefly is still to come, so stay tuned!

Notes From The Grafitti Flame War ...

There is an escalating incident that has been occurring for a few weeks now on the wall of the bathroom at my place of employment and I thought I would walk you through it right here on my blog.

Brace yourself.

Here goes ...

First off, someone wrote the letter A within a circle, possibly a symbol for atheist, along with the words "There is no authority but yourself." Strong words. I agree with that.

Then some smart ass wrote the words "and Batman" underneath that. Way to ruin the message.

AND THEN some crazed Deadpool fan, and there really is only one type of Deadpool fan, decided to massively CARVE the name Deadpool underneath the little piece of Batman snark. Because Deadpool.

Then someone, probably a God-loving Christian, although a Christian who is not above fucking TAGGING A BATHROOM WALL, wrote the phrase "God is NOT dead" on the wall right next to the "authority" line. This is, of course, a reference to the popular but shitty religious film.

THEEEEEEN someone crossed out the words "NOT," making it say "God is dead."

This is some big ass war going on here. I am aaaaabsolutely fascinated by what's going on right here on this bathroom wall. Hell, I'm absolutely fascinated that the powers that be haven't just painted over the graffiti yet and allowed it to continue. Verily, 'tis excellent crap! Decades from now, balladeers will no doubt sings songs of The Great Oklahoma Graffiti Flame War of 2014!

I will be sure to update you if anything else pops up.