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Monday, February 23, 2015

An Open Letter To The Drivers Of The State Of Oklahoma

Dear Drivers Of The State Of Oklahoma,

Hi.

Look, we need to talk.

Now, I know that you work Monday through Friday from 9am to 5pm at a warehouse or a factory or as part of a construction crew or at a used car lot or a loan office or an automotive repair shop or, really, wherever it is that you Christian Republican white people work at.

Walmart assistant store manager, perhaps?

Forklift driver?

I don't know. Pick one.

I know that you work very, very hard and as a result of that I also know that when the weekend comes you want to rest and relax. After all, it's the weekend. All you have to do during the weekend is put on your dress jeans (excuse me while I laugh) and go to church so you can look like a Christian and then, afterwards, watch sporting events on your 1,000 channels of cable television while you drink heavily and ignore your ADD-riddled children.

It's the weekend. You want to take it slow.

And I don't want to ruin that for you.

But may I explain something to you?

This may be hard for you to understand, but there are people out there who do NOT work a rigid Monday through Friday schedule. There are people out there that find themselves working working early in the morning one day and closing late the next day. There are people during the weekends that actually need to get to a job. There are jobs called "retail" jobs and those people usually do NOT get a typical weekend off.

And, this will be extremely hard for you to understand but try to follow me, these people?

They are ACTUAL PEOPLE! They have thoughts and emotions and are actually just like you.

I know! Can you believe it?!?

So during your weekend off, when you and your morbidly obese family of eight are on the road and in your comically oversized SUV driving 10 to 15 miles UNDER the speed limit, please remember these words. Please remember that there are people out there, people who DON'T have the weekend off, people who actually have work and need money and need to get somewhere to make said money, people who are just as equal as your are in the grand scheme of things, people who would like to AT LEAST drive the speed limit during the weekend.

Basically, there's some people who actually have work on the weekends, you fucking fucks.

So get the fuck out of my way.

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