That's my life right now. Waiting.
The waiting is the hardest part.
It's also the title of a Tom Petty song. It's a good one, too.
I guess I like Tom Petty. I don't like ALL his stuff, but he's good, I guess. Good music. I like it. I'm not a huge fan. I'm a Greatest Hits guy with him. But I like the popular stuff. That's all great.
Anyway, yesterday was the due date that the hospital (cough cough SCAM cough cough) gave us.
Look. Don't get us wrong. We believe in doctors and hospitals. But the doctors were all "This birth is going to be just fine" when we didn't tell we were thinking of a home birth. And those same doctors, when we eventually told them our plans, quickly started saying "WELL THEN YOU RUN THE RISK OF DEATH, DO YOU WANT TO DIE? Lets schedule your c-section NOW just to be safe, ok?"
And that's really fucked up, right?
A lot of people in Shawnee have HORROR STORIES about giving birth in the Shawnee hospital and my wife has heard a number of them recently, which only solidifies our beliefs that we can do this thing, no problem.
So the day the doctors gave us came and went without a fuss. And this Wednesday, tomorrow, is the due date that the pregnancy app gave us and that's in two days. We love that pregnancy app.
See, unlike the other pregnancies, we really really really really PLANNED for this one, mapped out due dates, mapped out cycles and junk. We were prepared and excited to get pregnant. We MAAAAAY have been caught unprepared these last few pregnancies, but not this time. We knew exactly when our conception was and within a day or two afterwards we had this really great pregnancy app walking us through this every step of the way.
So yeah, forgive us if we put our face in an app instead of a hospital that, THE SECOND WE WALK IN THE BUILDING, is pressuring us to set up payment plans and put money down for the hospital pregnancy that we don't even WANT! People laugh at us for trusting the word of an app more than the word of a doctor. But, shit, these bastards in Shawnee are trying too hard. It's like this pregnancy is a gym membership. THAT'S HOW HARD they're trying to get our money.
The pregnancy could happen any day now. And I guess that's starting to hit me. Because I AM RESTLESS AS FUUUUUUCK!
Most of my days revolve around doing nothing, which is hard for a man who has held the same job for almost 16 years now. It's hard for me to do nothing. So here I am blogging. This will be a nice time waster.
Here's a small list of the other things I've been doing this wait-cation: I've been working on my podcast, growing out all my facial hair, meditation, drinking copious amounts of coffee, working on my film editing skills, catching up with shows I've heard great things about but have never gotten around to seeing like Veep and Silicon Valley, listening to a bunch of new music, and doing a lot of reading.
On the first day of this very long wait-cation of mine, I decided to try and read thru a novel since I definitely have the damn time. And since I had a slight inkling that this might be a long wait, I picked up the BIGGEST book I owned, the one that I've been putting off reading for well over a year now.
What I'm trying to say is that, in the mere 5 and a half days that I've been reading it, I am currently at page 615 of Stephen King's massive, epic, well reviewed time travel novel "11/22/63" and I have to say that this book is freaking GREAT! The pages flow quickly with a sense of urgency to the characters and their lives. And the research must have been massive because King paints a picture perfect look at life in 1958 to 1963.
Hell, reading the book almost makes ME want to time travel to that simpler time ... until I catch a glimpse of my skin color and realize that I'd be lynched.
I probably wouldn't have started reading this 1,088 page book if I hadn't had a heavy cache of free time on my hands.
Another reason for my reading this huge tome is due to my wife's back. My wife's back hurts. Her legs hurt. Hell, her EVERYTHING hurts right now and has for quite a while. So all the chairs and couches and recliners and junk in the living room and the kitchen are alllllllllll hurting her back and knees and other various whatnots. In fact, the only spot IN THE HOUSE that makes her feel 100% comfortable is the bed.
Thank Wood for Sleep Number beds, I guess.
So she spends a lot of time in bed. She's not bedridden. She gets out, does errands, and we go out and do stuff. But the bed is the only comfortable place for her in this house. And I want to spend time with my pregnant wife. Which is difficult for me because, apparently, I frrrreaking HATE spending long amounts of time in the bedroom. I learned this about myself recently. Isn't that interesting? Fun fact there.
So yeah. The book helps.
Now that Bela's head is shaved she looks JUST LIKE ME, right???
Anyway, speaking of, here's a strange fact for you guys ... the kids have been gone for over a week now. And I don't know when I'll see them again.
Let be explain ... so their Nanah kept saying "I NEVER GET THE KIDS, TOSH! WHEN CAN I HAVE THE KIDS AGAIN, TOSH? I WANT THEM ALL SUMMER, TOSH!" (If you knew Nanah then you would know that she speaks all in caps. I love the woman. But it's a fact.) Ad since we're having a home birth, my wife has repeatedly said that the only people she wants with her during this pregnancy, during this labor, during the moment, are people who will not stress her out, will not yell and scream and flip their lid, people who are 1,000,000% convinced of her ability to do this at home.
So that leaves out the kids. and prrrrrrretty much her entire family.
So we sent the kids to their Nanah's while we wait for little Eleanor to come out. It's odd. I miss Bela and I miss Maxwell. But I understand. I get where my wife is coming from. Natasha needs to be surrounded with comfort and certainty. Bel and Maxwell fight. They yell and scream and they just can't be here. Her family wants to be here, too. But they're not 100% with the home birth. Plus, there's drama. There's always drama.
I've actually been instructed to TELL NO ONE when she goes into labor. Natasha's decree. I tell no one. Not even her parents. It's strange, having this baby in secret, basically. But I get it. I do. If her mom, if Nanah found out that Natasha was in labor, then she'd be here in a New York minute freaking out about every little thing and my wife can't have that right now.
So it's all positive vibes and happy smiles from here on out.
I can't WAIT for this baby to be born. I want to hold her against my chest, get that skin to skin feeling that I don't get with my hyperactive older children. I want to hold my daughter. I want to see my wife hold her. I want to be able to call Nanah and say, yes, the deed is done. We have a baby. I want my kids to come back home because I really miss them. I want to see the look on Bela and Emerald's faces when they hold Eleanor for the first time. I want to see Maxwell get the chance to be a big brother because he's so excited.
I want my whole family together again.
Until then, tho, it's all coffee and Stephen King and sleep number beds for me. Standing still. Stillness is hard.
That's my life right now. It's awesome-slash-maddening.
That's about it. Thanks for reading my crazed ramblings.
Here, here's a whopping crapton of free music for you. It's the least I can do. Feel free to download it and rock out to your hears content.
The first song is very representative of my life right now, by the way.
Styx: Too Much Time On My Hands
Liam Lynch: How To Be A Satellite
Groovie Ghoulies: Normal (Is A Million Miles Away)
The Ataris: Bad Case Of Broken Heart
Repo The Genetic Opera: We Started This Op'ra Shit
Hamilton: Ten Duel Commandments
The Mallrats: Coming Back To California
The White Stripes: Apple Blossom
Minutemen: My Heart And The Real World
Modest Mouse: Alone Down There
Dick Dale: Mr. Eliminator
The Rutles: Lets Be Natural
Primus: Is It Luck?
Check back here for any new baby news.
Or just news about me being bored. Either way, keep checking back.