Kneel Before the Awesomeness of my Big Ass Title ...

Some Maxwell Firsts ...

2012-01-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

First Visit To Target:

First Halloween Costume:

First Christmas:

First Time Sitting Up On His Own:

First Taste (Not Swallowing) Of Solid Food:

BIG Tag Team Match Next Monday On Raw ...

2012-01-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm currently sitting alone in the living room of my Seminole, Oklahoma home. I am on my awesome laptop right now watching a pirated live feed of the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble. It may be illegal, but I ain't paying $45 on a pay-per-view. I have a wife and three kids. I can't waste huge bucks on things I want anymore.

My apologies to the World Wrestling Entertainment corporation.

But thanks go out to my awesome and amazing parents who really came through for me by getting Isabela and I tickets to next week's big live taping of WWE Raw in Oklahoma City.

This will be the Bela's first live wrestling event.

Isabela and Steve Galindo: The NEW Latino Heat!

Random Picture Time ...

2012-01-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Big Boobs Edition ...

2012-01-27T17:32:00.000-08:00

One of my top posts on this blog is the "Get My Wife To Let Me Buy This DVD" campaign where I asked people to e-mail my wife to demand she let me buy a double feature of big titty Doris Wishman movies.

I'm not sure why that post is so popular. I guess it's just people's fascination with how much of pussywhipped bitch I am. And it worked, BTW. I eventually found a gift card on the floor of the mall and used it online to buy the movie. And it was every bit as horrible as I figured it would be.

Now, still trying to make up for lost time, here is the worst of those double features. And now, a question: how much of an incredibly bad movie would you sit thru just for massive titties?

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...

"Double Agent 73 is a 1974 movie melodrama directed by Doris Wishman, starring Chesty Morgan, although her voice was dubbed due to her thick Polish accent. It was written by Judy J. Kushner (Wishman's niece). This is the second of the two films that Doris Wishman made with Chesty Morgan; the first one is Deadly Weapons."

Morgan, a woman whose bust is 73 inches in size, plays Jane Tennay, a secret agent. Her agency wants her to assassinate, one by one, an organized crew of low grade heroin pushers. In order for her to prove her killings, they plant a tiny camera in her big left breast. Each time she needs a photo taken, she takes off her shirt and clicks over her left breast.

Chesty Morgan, who's real name is Lillian Wilczkowsky, only appeared in four films throughout her career, and in those films, her lines were dubbed due to her thick Polish accent. Although she did only appear in four films, she became notable not because of her acting, but because of her very ample physique, which measured in at an incredible 73FF-32-36. Chesty was born in 1928 in Poland and then moved to Israel before finally making her home in America."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Chips

Crackers

More Coffee

Rice Cakes

Apples

Asthma Meds

My Wife's Huge Boobs

... and now ONCE AGAIN Steve and this blog are both PROUD to present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE!

A few ground rules first, though. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and all talkers will be fondled mercilessly by seven colored midgets wearing sombreros and fake mustaches while a one eyed albino man watches and shoves nacho cheese up your greased butthole. Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And please dispose of trash in its proper trash receptacle.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

double agent 73 (1974) (chesty morgan, doris wishman)

I GOT MY LAPTOP BACK!!!

2012-01-27T17:07:00.000-08:00

YESSSSSS!!!

That's that.

More later.

MUCH more...

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Make Up Edition ...

2012-01-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...

"The Driller Killer is a low budget, independently made 1979 slasher film directed by and starring Abel Ferrara. It was on a list of banned so-called video nasties in the United Kingdom. The film was released in the US in 1979, the UK in 2002.

Driller Killer was an independent feature with a cast of unknown actors produced by Ferrara's own Navaron Films company 1977-78. It was filmed on 16mm film and utilised Ferrara's Union Square apartment and adjacent streets as locations.[4] It features many of the elements which became trademarks of Ferrara's later films. These include Catholic iconography, lesbian scenes, gritty urban locations filmed at night, an eclectic soundtrack combining punk rock and Bach, scenes of extreme violence and a religious theme of redemption, salvation and damnation.

Many cut versions of the movie still exist, which show scenes of drilling into heads and abdomens blacked-out. The uncut version of the movie does show certain parts blanked out using the colour red, most notably the final scene.

The film was well received when released in America in 1979. In the UK, the reaction was very different. In 1982, the UK distributors of Driller Killer, Vipco (Video Instant Picture Company), took out full page advertisements in a number of movie magazines showing the video's violently explicit cover, depicting a man being drilled through the forehead by the Driller Killer. This resulted in a large number of complaints to the Advertising Standards Agency, and opposition to the film from the press and elsewhere; however, it seems that very few of the complainants ever actually saw the film but rather based their opinion on the poster and the shocking title of the film. The film was lumped together with other so-called 'video nasties' released at the time and a vociferous campaign was launched by the press to ban them all. The movie was not officially released uncut in the UK until 2002."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Chips

Chocolate

Asthma Meds

Porn

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE!

Please, though, a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be mutilated. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so serious about that last one.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show y'all!

Like A Sore Thumb ...

2012-01-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

I stick out so much here, the sole mexican in an endless sea of white boys and camouflage and football hats. Everywhere I go I feel like I'm being stared at and chuckles about, the odd man out no matter where I am.

And the things is that I look at myself in the mirror and, really, I can't blame them. I see what they mean. I look in the mirror and I sea a strange looking mexican guy with brown skin and a suit and tie and these goofy ass big glasses and a big ass mustache and brown skin.

I see a walking contradiction now. I see someone that can do nothing but frighten and confuse the white redneck hicks and the baptist families and the good ol' boy hunters and the good christian kids. They don't know what to do with me.

I am an enigma in a sea of sooners.

I really wish I wasn't me.

I still have no laptop BUT I will be trying to post a make-up Church-less Movie in the next day or two, so stick around!

Changing Channels In A Sea Of Goodness ...

2012-01-18T07:34:00.000-08:00

I'm watching Mitch Hedgeberg right now. The man is, was, a genius. So was Bill Hicks. Last night I watched three hours of 30 Rock. Then I watched The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and two whole episodes of Maury. Paternity tests are the greatest, not the crappy lie detector episodes. "You are NOT the father!" Those are the best.

It's been over a decade since I've had cable. Now I have it and I am absolutely in love. I am swimming in a crappy sea of watered down goodness.

Have you seen Storage Wars? It's literally about nothing but it's so damn addictive! And on TruTV there's this cop show called Vegas and it's cops on the strip. Screwed up stuff. They had a marathon on a week ago and I stayed up until about 2 am watching that stuff. That's good, too, because I have been closing at work a lot so I have adapted well to staying up late watching crap.

So, although living in the middle of nowhere in a backwards state may be challenging to me, as long as I have cable and my Netflix I could be living in the middle of nowhere or in freaking Pakistan and I would be hunkey dorey even steven around here.

See, I love bad movies.

That's why I love Netflix. It's the almighty King of bad movies.

LIKE SHIT?

GET NETFLIX!

Still no laptop, though. I'm writing this on my wife's Nook. I think my wife is somehow purposefully dragging her feet when it comes to getting my laptop back. That sucks because I really need to level up Isabela and I's superheroes in Marvel Superhero Squad.

But yeah. Things are pretty good for me right now.

If I didn't have cable then I might have a different answer, but I DO have it, so there it is. Life is pretty good right now.

Wind clan out.

Currently ...

2012-01-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

I am currently sitting on the couch watching a rerun of The Colbert Report as well as two hours of 30 Rock. See, there's an hour of 30 Rock on WGN and after that there's another hour on Comedy Central. The couch is small and vaguely uncomfortable but I have my feet kicked up on one of te arms. I am alone in the room except for a dog snoring on the floor right below. Now Isabela has joined me. The second hour of 30 Rock is about to start.

I am currently drinking coffee. I have been doing a TON of closing shifts at work lately, so I have been pretty darn tired lately. I've been sleeping in most days, thanks to my awesome wife with whom I get to have sex, but yesterday was our two girls' first day at an Oklahola school. They were great. They were excited, not scared, and Isabela didn't even cry at all. However, waking up early to see them off to school means that I had an incredibly long day yesterday which was capped off by an hour and fifteen minute drive home, an eight hour shift at work, and an hour and twenty minute drive in the pouring rain. I woke up a little after noon this afternoon, then took a small nap, then decided to drink some coffee. So that is that.

I am currently blogging on my wife's phone because I still do not have my laptop in possession. The laptop crashed and the computer tech people said that we could have them completely reset the computer and that would esare everything OR we could wait five to eight weeks and have them send it to this special lab where they could try and see if they could rescue as much as they could. It was successful. They rescued everything. They also took like nine weeks. And now that they are done we don't live there anymore. I keep bothering my wife to have her friend Cheryl see if she can pick it up so that she can send it to us, so hopefully soon we will have that damn thing back.

I am currently happy. I was really unhappy in Sacramento. There were people there that spend a really long amount of time and effort working on a witch hunt designed to persecute me and make my life a living hell. And it worked. I really do think, and my therapist backs it up, that after the robbery I was in that I developed post traumatic stress disorder which was intensified by the intense witch hunt that I was horrifically subjected to by a small handfull of nameless people who by no means have any relation to any major organization whatsoever. Which led to the cutting I now still wrestle with daily. Now I'm happy here. My life is great and things are awesome and all is well with the world I live in.

That is what I am currently doing.

About My New Home ...

2012-01-08T00:04:00.000-08:00

Oklahoma is now my HOME-a!

It's also my safe word.

For the nasty stuff.

Here's a song or two ...

The Answering Machine: Oklahoma

Eels: Oh, What a Beautiful Morning (Oklahoma! cover)

Laters.

Wind clan out.

Maxwell Laughing ...

2012-01-03T11:46:00.000-08:00

Bask in his cuteness ...

Happy Type Of Complaining ...

2012-01-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

So right before the end of the new year I wrote on my facebook page: "I like A, complaining, and B, making fun of strange looking weirdos. So thats why this state is great for me to live in!"

You may have thought that I was kidding (und makeeng vit der funny schtuff)but this is very much true.

I get to complain about the people and their driving and their teeth and their accents and how they look in their John Deer hats and their overalls and their latent racism. It's all a complainer like me could ask for.

Although I have found that most Okies are really nice and talkative and are willing to do things slower than most people. Being in the capital of California I learned to always be in a hurry about everything every time anything happens. It's nice to slow down.

Seriously, being here I feel like I'm in a witness protection program.

And, after I was treated in Sacramento, this is not necessarily a bad thing.

More Moving Pics ...

2012-01-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

Post 1,791: An Okie New Year...

2011-12-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

I an currently in a small town called Shawnee, Oklahoma at my brother-in-law's house for new years. His wife is here and my other brother-in-law is here as well. Right now the beer is flowing as we all take turns running away from giant sharks in Little Big Planet for the XBox 360.

I am deeply proud of myself and what I've accomplished. I used to be scared of change and now I am surrounded by family and making new friends in a completely different state.

Happy new year, everyone.

More later.

Wind clan out.

Watching Wrestling With Bela ...

2011-12-29T19:08:00.000-08:00

So it is thursday night and Isabela and I are cuddling on the couch watching TNA Impact wrestling. Isabela and I are pretty hardcore WWE fans. Brla's favorite wrestler is Edge and I was at Wrestlemania 26, so yeah, we are pretty big WWE fans. We haven't had cable so we've never really gotten to see the "other" wrasslin' company.

Bela thinks it's ok, but she likes "the wwe's" better.

Yesterday my wife took me on a little ride around the town to see the sights of the town.

Three minutes later, we were done.

THAT is how small of a town this is.

We went to the local general store, an incredibly small store called Dollar General that reminded me of going to Goodwill as a toddler. Then we went to the local video store which was so small and dismal that I just wanted to cry. It was sad. And, just as I expected, there were wooden salloon doors in the back that protected the rest of the store from the evil "adult" section.

And the store was called "FAMILY Video!" Irony, right? What type of FAIL family video store has porn? Damn! How freaking stupid is that?

I threw together an impromptu storytime at work today. It had been so long that i've done s storytime that the whole wonderful experience left me feeling literally high.

More later ...

My Hand And Weird Al ...

2011-12-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

So you remember that cut that I said I made into my hand with that old box cutter I found?

Well that's a picture of it.

I was fairly nervous today at work and it was just a nonstop barrage of people and angry customers and toothless Okies and apparently during all this post Christmas madness I managed to scratch my scar open.

Now it hurts and stings like a son of a bitch.

And you know what?

I love it.

I love it because I hate myself and I deserve to feel this pain. I just act funny and cocky to hide the fact that I just absolutely hate myself. And this pain on my hand is my punishment.

I hate myself for feeling like this about myself.

So THAT is why I am currently watching the awesome Weird Al comedy special on dvd to try and defuse my depressed anti-Steve feelings...

I don't think that it's working.

Cool shit, though. Funny as hell.

Seriously! I've seen him live four or five times now and each and every time it was absolutely amazing. I can't believe I loved him when I was like 8 and here I am watching him rock ass with my kids next to me, you know? Amazing stuff.

And did you know that his legendary cult film UHF was filmed entirely in Tulsa, Oklahoma?

I take that as fate.

Fuck the haters!

Mr. Steve can't be stopped!

Some Moving Pics ...

2011-12-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas In Nowhere ...

2011-12-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

It feels strangely sad to be here in the middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma with Natasha's loud, crazy, drama-filled family. It's so loud and angry and I feel like I am just being forgotten.

I feel sad.

I really miss my parents.

Right before we moved, while we were constantly doing packing and sleeping on the floor and whatever, I felt so stressed and sad and frenzied that I found a really old, rust-covered box cutter and slashed my left hand open.

It's been a little over a month since I did it and the scar is still dark and slightly throbbing.

It feels good to punish myself again.

Check out the sweet old glasses that my wife found for me ...

Cool, huh?

More later.

Merry Christmas.

Some Random Thoughts And Free Christmas Music ...

2011-12-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

-Sometimes this next picture reminds me of my life ...

-I am writing this during a very rainy day here in Seminole, the bleak boil on the butt of Oklahoma. There are days when I honestly don't know if I can stand living here. This place is so small and the people here seems so strange and primitive. I am used to big cities and now I'm stuck in some hick village in the middle of nowhere. But my wife says that she knows that I can do it and if she thinks that I can do it then I can. Or at least I think I can.

-Since Isabela and Maxwell were both born in September, that means that my wife and I got it ON in December. So my wife has put up a mandatory cock block this month, meaning NO sex for me. Not like I was getting any before that, but it just means that my brown balls are so blue that when I pee people mistake my testicular chicken tenders for Papa Smurf.

-So my youngest daughter and I are playing Marvel Super Hero Squad Online together. She WOULD play on her own but she gets confused and always needs help when it comes to video games, so I usually have to sweep in and help her, which becomes me playing a video game while she watches. But I really like this virtual superhero world. It's a really fun way for us to spend time together. And, quite frankly, I think that I may be having more geeky fun than she is playing this thing.

-Work is good. I have been working at my new store for about a week now. It's strange being there because I have over 11 years of bookselling experience, but the new store layout and the new customers makes me feel like a total noob. occasionally, though, someone will come up to me and ask me something and I will just KNOW exactly what they're looking for and exactly where it is. It's an exhilarating feeling to still have that "Mr. Steve" power that I was so worried that I lost. I'm still the man when it comes to working at a bookstore and I think it's only a matter of time until people REALLY start to notice.

-I was pleasantly surprised when I went to my new store and started meeting my fellow Okie employees. I expected something a lot more, well, racist I guess. I expected tall white men with army haircuts chewing Skoal Bandits and spitting and missing teeth and whatnot. I didn't expect a very nice Iranian guy and an older British woman to take me under their wing and help me learn the layout of the place. I also had a really sweet woman with pink hair and multiple facial piercings invite me to a Christmas party, so i guess you could say that I am finally starting to fit in. Yay for me!

-And, as promised in the title, here are some free Christmas music for your punk ass ...

Vince Guaraldi: Christmas Time Is Here (vocal version)

Death Cab For Cutie: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

The Format: Holly Jolly Christmas

south Park: Dead Dead Dead

Eels: Christmas Is Going To The Dogs

Blackalicious: Toy Jackpot

Mystery Science Theater 3,000: Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas

Jack johnson: Someday At Christmas

Blazer Force: Electronic Santa Claus

Run DMC: Christmas In Hollis

Weezer: O Come All Ye Faithful

You're welcome.

Winc Clan out.

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-12-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

So I am here living in the middle of nowhere (AKA: Seminole, Oklahoma) and I am once again stuck with no computer.

Sigh.

But I'm borrowing my mother-in-laws to bring you this horrible Danish-American monster flick I bought for fifty cents at a Savers in Chandler, Arizona on my road trip here.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia god and b-movie central...

"Reptilicus, a giant monster film about a fictional prehistoric reptile, is a Danish-American co-production, produced by American International Pictures and Saga Studios, and is upon close examination two distinctly different films helmed by two different directors.

The original version, which was shot in Danish was directed by Danish director Poul Bang and released in Denmark on February 25, 1961. The American version, which was in English with a nearly identical cast, was directed by the film's American producer-director Sidney W. Pink; this version was initially deemed virtually unreleasable by American International Pictures and had to be extensively reworked by the film's Danish-American screenwriter, Ib Melchior, before being finally released in America in 1962.

As this was a Danish monster flick and the Danish aren't know for their filmmaking greatness, I went into this movie not expecting too much. It was this lack of expectation that kept me from being too disappointed at what I did get. There's a lot of b-movie material here but not a whole lot of that b-movie goodness that goes with it. The only real bright spot in the movie is that Dr. Martens daughter Lise is very nice to look at and only gets better as the film goes on. Unfortunately, that's about where the good points end.

The monster animation was very bad and almost all of the monster scenes were out of focus just enough to be annoying. There were way too many tourist shots and way way too many scenes of people running for their lives. It gets repetitive and old really quick.

A novelization of the film was released in paperback at the time of its original release (Reptilicus by Dean Owen. In 1961, Charlton Comics produced a comic book based on the film. Reptilicus lasted two issues. After the copyright had lapsed, Charlton modified the creatures look and renamed it Reptisaurus. The series was now renamed Reptisaurus the Terrible and would continue from issue #3 before being cancelled with issue #8 in 1962. This was followed by a one-shot called Reptisaurus Special Edition in 1963."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Soda Pop

Potato Chip Shards

Ice Cream Bars

Various Nuts

Asthma Medication

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE! Yeah. Sweet. That's how much I rock.

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in Galindo Theater locations. Any and all talkers will be abused via witty sarcasm. No cell phones or African-American berries. And NO TEXTING!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

So, all that's left to say is ...

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Click here to watch Reptilicus!

Our Kitten Glenda LOVED Moving ...

2011-12-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

About My Move ...

2011-12-11T14:47:00.000-08:00

I wasn't allowed to come right out and say it because my wife wanted to surprise her relatives and especially her niece Deinna. However, now that we are here I am free to come out and say it. So here it is: we moved. We sold our house in Sacramento and road tripped it to the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma.

And I say good riddance to that stink town! And good riddance to stinky sweater-wearing people who did nothing but find fault in my greatness. I am good, regardless of what anybody says.

It's like what one of my followers keeps saying to me: "Steve, fuck the haters!"

So now I work in Norman, Oklahoma where I am in charge of kick-starting their new storytime program. I'm currently only working part-time but I have faith that when my new store sees how awesome I am with 11+ years under my belt that I will get my full time job back.

I do not live in Norman, however. Norman is a slightly small college town where the University of Oklahoma Sooners originatre. I live about 45 minutes away in a frighteninly small town called Seminole. Extremely small. In fact, I may go crazy. But we shall see.

More later...

Today's Church-less Movie Of The Week Will NOT Be Seen Today ...

2011-12-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

And here's why ...

Willie Nelson: On The Road Again

You're Gonna Miss Me ...

2011-11-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone,

see all the things that you did wrong.

You'll wish I wrote you just one more song,

left well enough alone.

You're gonna miss my smilin' face,

havin' me around the place.

Well you knocked me into outer space and

pushed me off my throne.

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

You're gonna miss me ... when I'm gone."

Kepi Ghoulie: When I'm Gone

I Did It My Way ...

2011-11-29T13:17:00.000-08:00

My time here is almost at an end.

And I have never felt better!

I have honestly never felt more comfortable in my own body before. I am almost done with this long, lonely, heartbreaking chapter in my life. I am closing a ten year long chapter in my life. I feel free. I feel light as air. My time is almost over. I am soooooooooo close to being done once and for all that my soul could take off and fly away.

I'm done here.

I feel like I should start singing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" right now.

I have no idea what the future holds for me. And for once that feels awesome.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-11-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

Yoinked from wikipedia and my boys at Monster Movie Music ...

"For Your Height Only (also known as For Y'ur Height Only) is a 1981 Filipino comedy/action movie starring Weng Weng. Its title is a play on words on 'For Your Eyes Only' which was the title of the James Bond film released that same year. A sequel was produced in 1982, titled The Impossible Kid.

Ernesto de la Cruz was born on Sept 7, 1957, and his short life ended on August 29, 1992, at the young age of 34, but Ernesto was also Weng Weng, a 2 Ft, 9 in. tall Filipino actor and martial artist, and in this movie he stars not as 007 but as Agent 00! Weng Weng was so popular that at one point he was given the rank of honorary Philippine Secret Agent by the shoe queen herself, Imedla Marcos! Weng Weng is known as the shortest man to ever be a lead in an action film/martial arts film.

(awesome) FAKE TRAILER:

In the film, Weng stars as Agent 00, who is sent to stop the drug trade and its mysterious warlord Mr. Giant. (Giant is a dwarf, while 00 is a midget.) He befriends a woman who, still in the grip of the organization, works as a mole for him. This leads to many battles between 00 and the villain's henchmen.

The plot eventually shifts to Mr. Giant's true goal: using the N-Bomb. Created by Dr. Kohler, it is a weapon that does something that is never really explained. Always the company man, Agent 00 takes this story swing in stride and continues to fight the villains. One part early on has him sneaking up on people throughout, which is easy given that he exists just below most people's peripheral vision. Another has him taking on Samurai and with a conveniently-scaled katana sword.

I know that in this ever growing climate of political correctites, it probably seems wrong to use a small person as a novelty in a movie, but get this one thing straight, as funny as it seems, this isn't a comedy, and Weng Weng is very serious about his performance and his martial art skills! It's a miniature man acting seriously in the single most UN-serious spy movie ever."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Cold Pizza

Various Chips

Peanut Butter

Asthma Medication

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE! Yeah. That's right. That's how much I rock.

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be molested Penn State style. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

For Your Height Only Legendado PTBR - The most amazing home videos are here

Surviving Black Friday ...

2011-11-26T05:54:00.000-08:00

I hate how many people use the phrase Black Friday now.

The news uses it to instill panic and brainwash you into believing their lies and the giant corporations are using this phrase now to sell you more crap you don't need. They all use the phrase like it's nothing.

That was OUR phrase, the workers. We invented that phrase, us retail monkeys, to describe how horrible of a day it was, and now it's been stolen by the big 1% corporate behemoths and used to try and spread retail panic and draw even more sales.

Anyway, I survived.

Yay me.

A "Sexual" Thank You ...

2011-11-23T06:50:00.000-08:00

I would also like to say a very heartfelt Thank You to my wonderfully awesome and amazing therapist for the Bela Lugosi action figure and, most importantly, for agreeing to look the other way as I finally took the awesome pamphlet in the lobby that I have been eyeing and giggling at since my first session ...

Sweet.

Thanks.

The Hard Times ...

2011-11-22T06:53:00.000-08:00

I said good-bye to my therapist yesterday. I have been seeing her fairly regularly ever since the robbery happened. Saying goodbye to her was a million times harder than I thought it would be. I tried to keep it together when we were having our session but I cried and cried when I got into the car.

We are down to the wire here. We don't have much time left here. It's time to just jump into the pool and see what happens.

These are the hard times now.

Wish me luck.

Post 1,775: Freaking Cleavage ...

2011-11-20T13:30:00.001-08:00

This blog has been around for almost ten years and for the last half of that time it has had detailed stats which allow me to see just how many people like to see my craziness.

And sure my free movies are popular, with Creature from the Black Lagoon being the biggest so far (although I suspect my recent epic Franken-Marathon might surpass that soon), but I am not fooling myself. I know what's the most popular feature on this blog.

Tits.

Yup.

Tits.

(sigh)

It's been a while. Here you go.

Enjoy ...

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: The Ultimate Franken-Marathon ...

2011-11-19T17:50:00.000-08:00

Steve Galindo is now proud to present the first five classic Universal Frankenstein films for free.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia, with a special thank you to Frankensteinia, the Frankenstein blog ...

"Frankenstein is a 1931 Pre-Hays Code horror film from Universal Pictures directed by James Whale and adapted from the play by Peggy Webling which in turn is based on the novel of the same name by Mary Shelley. The film stars Colin Clive, Mae Clarke, John Boles and Boris Karloff, and features Dwight Frye and Edward van Sloan.

There are more differences between the movie and book than there are similarities. This is because the movie is largely based on the 1920s play by Peggy Webling rather than the original Shelley text. Jack Pierce was the makeup artist who designed the now-iconic 'flat head' look for Karloff's monster, although Whale's contribution in the form of sketches remains a controversy, and who was actually responsible for the idea of the look will probably always be a mystery.

The film begins with Edward Van Sloan stepping from behind a curtain and delivering a 'friendly warning' before the opening credits:

'We are about to unfold the story of Frankenstein, a man of science who sought to create a man after his own image without reckoning upon God. It is one of the strangest tales ever told. It deals with the two great mysteries of creation – life and death. I think it will thrill you. It may shock you. It might even – horrify you. So if any of you feel that you do not care to subject your nerves to such a strain, now's your chance to – uh, well, we warned you.'

In the opening credits, Karloff is unbilled, with only a question mark being used in place of his name. This is a nod to a tradition of theatrical adaptations billing the monster without a name. Universal had not revealed in advance who was playing the monster, and had not released any pictures of the monster in order to conceal his appearance.

Although Frankenstein's hunchbacked assistant is often referred to as 'Igor' in descriptions of the films, this is incorrect. In both Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has an assistant who is played both times by Dwight Frye who is crippled. In the original 1931 film the character is named Fritz who is hunchbacked and walks with the aid of a small cane. In Bride of Frankenstein, Frye plays Karl a murderer who stands upright but has a lumbering metal brace on both legs that can be heard clicking loudly with every step. Both characters would be killed by Karloff's monster in their respective films. It was not until Son of Frankenstein that a character called Ygor first appears (here played by Bela Lugosi and revived by Lugosi in the Ghost of Frankenstein after his apparent murder in Son of Frankenstein).

The world's most valuable movie poster is the full color 1931 Frankenstein 6-sheet which is currently owned by Stephen Fishler, a NY poster collector. It is the only copy known to exist."

CLICK HERE TO WATCH FRANKENSTEIN!

"Bride of Frankenstein is a 1935 American horror film, the first sequel to Frankenstein (1931). Bride of Frankenstein was directed by James Whale and stars Boris Karloff as The Monster, Elsa Lanchester in the dual role of his mate and Mary Shelley, Colin Clive as Henry Frankenstein and Ernest Thesiger as Doctor Pretorius.

The film follows on immediately from the events of the earlier film, and is rooted in a subplot of the original Mary Shelley novel, Frankenstein (1818). In the film, a chastened Henry Frankenstein abandons his plans to create life, only to be tempted and finally coerced by the Monster, encouraged by Henry's old mentor Dr. Pretorius, into constructing a mate for him. As originally filmed, Henry and Elizabeth died fleeing the exploding castle. Whale re-shot the ending to allow for their survival, although Clive and Hobson are still visible on-screen in the collapsing laboratory. Whale completed his final cut, shortening the running time from about 90 minutes to 75 and re-shooting and re-editing the ending, only days before the film's scheduled premiere date.

Preparation began shortly after the first film premiered, but script problems delayed the project. Principal photography started in January 1935, with creative personnel from the original returning in front of and behind the camera. Bride of Frankenstein was released to critical and popular acclaim, although it encountered difficulties with some state and national censorship boards. Since its release the film's reputation has grown, and it is hailed as Whale's masterpiece.

Modern film scholars, noting Whale's homosexuality and that of others involved in the production, have found a gay sensibility in the film, although a number of Whale's associates have dismissed the idea. Gay film historian Vito Russo, in considering Pretorius, stops short of identifying the character as gay, instead referring to him as 'sissified' (sissy itself being Hollywood code for homosexual). Pretorius serves as a 'gay Mephistopheles', a figure of seduction and temptation, going so far as to pull Frankenstein away from his bride on their wedding night to engage in the unnatural act of creating non-procreative life. A novelization of the film published in England made the implication clear, having Pretorius say to Frankenstein ''Be fruitful and multiply.' Let us obey the Biblical injunction: you of course, have the choice of natural means; but as for me, I am afraid that there is no course open to me but the scientific way.'"

A FASCINATING LITTLE ARTICLE ABOUT THE CEMETERY SKELETON!

"Son of Frankenstein is the third film in Universal Studios' Frankenstein series and the last to feature Boris Karloff as the Monster as well as the first to feature Béla Lugosi as Ygor. It is a sequel to Bride of Frankenstein. The film was a reaction to the very popular re-releases of Dracula and Frankenstein as a double-feature in 1938. Universal's declining horror output was revitalized with the enormously successful Son, and the studio enjoyed another two decades of popular monster movies.

After director James Whale had departed from Universal Films, Universal selected Rowland V. Lee to direct Son. Lee's film explores dramatic themes: family, security, isolation, responsibility and father-son relationships. Son of Frankenstein marks changes in the Monster's character from Bride of Frankenstein. The Monster is duller and no longer speaks. The monster also wore a giant fur vest, not seen in the first two Frankenstein films. He is fond of Ygor, and obeys his orders. Unlike the previous two films, the Monster only shows humanity in two scenes: first when he discovers Ygor's body, letting out a powerful scream and later when he contemplates killing Peter, but changes his mind.

The film was intended to be shot in color. Test shooting took place although the monsters make-up did not look good enough and the idea was abandoned. Color clips of Boris Karloff in monster make-up clowning around are included in the documentary. After the phenomenial success of Son of Frankenstein, Karloff decided not to return to the role of the monster, feeling that the monster was becoming the brunt of jokes. Also Son marked the final 'A' production of the Frankenstein films, which later went to 'B' films beginning with Ghost of Frankenstein in 1942."

The Ghost of Frankenstein, is an American monster horror film released in 1942. The movie is the fourth in a series of films produced by Universal Studios based upon characters in Mary Shelley's novel Frankenstein and features Lon Chaney, Jr. as the Monster, taking over from Boris Karloff, who played the role in the first three films of the series, and Béla Lugosi in his second appearance as the demented Ygor.

Ghost of Frankenstein marked the final appearance of the Monster in a solo capacity. Beginning with the next film, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (in which Lugosi plays the Monster with Chaney switching to his Wolf Man character), and continuing for the rest of the Universal Monsters series, Frankenstein's Monster would be part of an ensemble cast of creatures.

The blinding of the Monster resulted in a lasting stereotype of the creature walking with arms outstretched, even though this is the only film in which it is explicitly indicated that he is blind, such references being cut by the studio from Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, sabotaging Lugosi's performance in the process, since the audience is left to wonder why the Monster is behaving so peculiarly. The Monster's sight was also restored in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man but references to that were also cut. The Monster's ability to speak would be dropped after this film (Lugosi's dialogue being filmed but ultimately deleted from Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man) until Glenn Strange, playing the monster, spoke briefly in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.

Despite having been apparently killed at the end of Son of Frankenstein, Ygor was revealed only to have been 'maimed by the bullets shot into him by Wolf Frankenstein'. There was no mention of a second son of the original Dr. Frankenstein in Son of Frankenstein. Ludwig states that he has lived in this area his entire life, but it is not explained why only Wolf was raised in America."

"Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, released in 1943, is an American monster horror film produced by Universal Studios starring Lon Chaney, Jr. as the Wolf Man and Bela Lugosi as Frankenstein's monster. This was the first of a series of "ensemble" monster films combining characters from several film series. This film, therefore, is both the fifth in the series of films based upon Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and a sequel to The Wolf Man.

As ultimately edited and released, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man is told in two almost precisely-equal halves. The discovery of the Monster and pursuit of the notes don't begin until thirty-five minutes into the film; the preceding scenes tell the story of Talbot's resurrection, killing spree, hospitalization, and escape across Europe. Most synopses of the film's plot begin with his discovery of the Monster and describe the first half only briefly. Much time is spent with a secondary police inspector character and on scenes with a desperate Talbot hospitalized by Dr. Mannering. The second half introduces the Monster, Elsa, and the village of Vasaria and its inhabitants.

Immediately following his success in Dracula, Lugosi had been the first choice to play the Monster in Universal's original Frankenstein film, but Lugosi famously either turned down the non-speaking part or was disinvited after director Robert Florey was replaced by James Whale; the virtually unknown Boris Karloff then was cast in his star-making role. (Florey later wrote that 'the Hungarian actor didn't show himself very enthusiastic for the role and didn't want to play it.') Eight years later, Lugosi joined the franchise as the Monster's twisted companion Ygor in Son of Frankenstein. He returned to the role in the sequel, The Ghost of Frankenstein, in which Ygor's brain is implanted into the Monster (now Chaney), causing the creature to take on Lugosi/Ygor's voice. After plans for Chaney to play both the Monster and the Wolf Man in the next film fell through for logistical reasons, the natural next step was for Lugosi, who turned sixty during the film's production, to take on the part that he once was slated to originate.

The original script — and indeed the movie as originally filmed — had the Monster performing dialogue throughout the film, including references to the events of Ghost and indicating that the Monster is now nearly blind (a side-effect of the transplant as revealed at the end of the previous film, and the reason for the iconic stiff-armed "Frankenstein Walk"). According to screenwriter Curt Siodmak, a screening audience (studio or public) reacted negatively to this, finding the idea of the Monster speaking with a Hungarian accent unintentionally funny (although the Monster spoke with Lugosi's voice at the end of Ghost of Frankenstein and audiences did not hoot it off the screen). Though it cannot be confirmed through any other sources, this has been generally accepted as the reason virtually all scenes in which Lugosi speaks were deleted (though two brief scenes remain in the film that show Lugosi's mouth moving without sound). Consequently, Lugosi is onscreen literally for only a few minutes, leaving the Wolf Man as the film's primary focus. Lugosi suffered exhaustion at some point during the filming, and his absence from the set, combined with his physical limitations at age sixty, required the liberal use of stand-ins.

This would be the final Universal horror film in which the Monster played a major role; in the subsequent films House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, the Monster, now played by Glenn Strange, comes to life only in the final scenes. In the 1948 Universal comedy Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (the second and only other film in which Lugosi plays Dracula), Strange has a larger role and the creature once again speaks, albeit very limited dialogue, twice muttering 'Yes, Master.'"

CLICK HERE TO WATCH FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF MAN!

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Various Chips

Day Old Chinese Food

More Coffee

Asthma Medication

... and now we have something really special!

In honor of our marathon we have, courtesy of the Cinebeats blog, a pretty sweet mix-tape of really swingin' Frankenstein-flavored tunes that you can stream by clicking on the image below. The mix of music swings from Soupy Sales to The New York Dolls and Edgar Winter and a ton of strange, fun tunes in-between.

Enjoy ...

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

My Idea Goes Viral ...

2011-11-19T16:34:00.000-08:00

A few days ago my favorite band, Boston's own Jim's Big Ego, released a new song called "15 Seconds of Fame" which was spontaneously composed in the studio and contains lyrics entirely comprised of fan Tweets.

I sent in four different tweets but the one that made it in concerns an awesome idea I've had for a while now regarding Snuggies and Shamwows. Not only is it an awesome line but Jim HIMSELF calls it a "good idea" DURING the song!

So now I actually have a line in a song from my all-time favorite band!!!

How freaking awesome is that?!?!?

Click here to download their latest album for free!

Childish Gambino ...

2011-11-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

Community actor and Mystery Team star (seriously see that film!) Donald Glover raps in his spare time under the name Childish Gambino, a name that he created from a Wu-Tang Clan name.

Anyway, I promised my friend Milton that I'd put some Childish Gambino tracks up here. It's pretty darn good stuff, too. Guy does good.

I should probably also say that I yoinked these mp3's from an awesome review on the blog Sunset in the Rearview that you should read if you want a more detailed breakdown other than "Guy does good."

Enjoy ...

Heartbeat

Kids (Keep Up)

You See Me

Sunrise

L.E.S.

... and here is a really awesome mashup of Childish Gambino and Red Hot Chili Peppers that really sets a great mood for the song. Really good stuff.

Vico Ono: Bonfire Under The Bridge (Childish Gambino Vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers)

That's that.

You're welcome.

Getting My Butt Kicked By Weng Weng ...

2011-11-16T12:19:00.000-08:00

I don't work until 3:30pm so I thought that I should spend my time watching a bad movie.

So I found a rare copy online of the 1981 Filipino midget spy comedy For Y'Ur Height Only starring the 2 foot, 9 inch tall Weng Weng, who is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the shortest adult actor in a leading role.

I sat thru about twenty minutes of that crap before I turned it off. I gave up. I couldn't watch a minute more of that shit. It's like it was made by a seven year old retard. Hideous acting, hideous writing, hideous everything. It's just a pile of absolute shit.

Later, when I told my wife that I actually couldn't sit thru a bad move, she surprisingly stated "Wow, it was THAT bad?"

I'm worried. I've never found a bad movie that I didn't like. Am I getting old? Am I losing my touch?

IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

I would love to make it this weekend's Church-less Movie Of The Week but I just successfully found every classic Universal Frankenstein movie online and I kinda want to go with that instead.

What do you think?

(Notice how I made the picture of Weng Weng really small? That's humor.)

Various Smiles ...

2011-11-14T09:54:00.000-08:00

The Root Beer Show Is BACK ...

2011-11-13T18:04:00.000-08:00

It's the triumphant return of the world's GREATEST root beer reviewing webisode!

Can you believe that we're back with our sixth episode? Crazy! This new video is chock full of tasty, frothy root beer goodness!

Today your host Mr. Steve and his two special guest drink and review root beer and generally act crazy. It's a fun little episode with dogs, Santa, snow and even a special guest, Mr. OZZY OSBOURNE!

(Kinda.)

Episode five

Episode four

Episode three

Episode two

Episode one

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Part Two ...

2011-11-13T15:43:00.001-08:00

That Cannibal Holocaust movie is damn good but the whole thing, especially the authentic animal slaughtering, leaves me with a fowl taste in my mouth, like a theatrical equivalent of brushing your teeth and then drinking orange juice. The experience is moving and shocking but afterwards just feels wrong.

So here's an old Bela Lugosi potboiler of a film for your punk ass.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia, the Vintage Horror Films blog, and Sharetv.org ...

"Voodoo Man is a 1944 American film directed by William Beaudine. It was shot in a mere seven days beginning October 16 1943 and was the last of Bela Lugosi's 9 Monogram features, but released 4 months prior to the 8th film, Return of the Ape Man.

Lone female motorists traveling a particular highway have been mysteriously vanishing without a trace. They are victims of a weird trap created by Dr. Marlowe, played by Bela Lugosi. With the help of John Carradine as Bela's half-witted henchman Toby, and George Zucco as Nicholas the Voodoo Priest, Dr. Marlowe uses his captive women in a bizarre attempt to bring his beautiful wife back from a state of zombie-like coma, or rather a living death.

Bela Lugosi turns in a fine performance as Dr. Richard Marlowe, desperately trying to bring his zombie wife back to life by transferring the life force of another woman into her body. Zombies abound, but not the George Romero type of flesh-eating ones. Veteran character actor John Carradine turns in a quirky performance as Toby, Dr. Marlowe's manservant. He's such a delight to watch on screen as he takes a minor role and brings it center stage.

The rest of the cast is solid as well. However, the voodoo sequences where the high priest does his evil chants in order to work his magic are terribly hokey as the priest utters a series of nonsensical syllables that sound like he's making them up off the top of his head."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Popcorn

Root Beer

A Lot More Coffee

A Buncha Chips

Asthma Meds

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE!

Please, though, a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be spit on, then impregnated. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so serious about that last one.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show y'all!

Click here to download the film at archive.org!

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-11-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Can't believe that I've never shown this before!

Enjoy!

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...

"Cannibal Holocaust is a 1980 Italian horror film directed by Ruggero Deodato from a screenplay by Gianfranco Clerici. Filmed in the Amazon Rainforest and dealing with indigenous tribes, it was cast mostly with United States actors and filmed in English to achieve wider distribution. Francesca Ciardi and Luca Barbareschi were among the leads as native Italian speakers to qualify the film as European for distribution on the continent. The film reportedly grossed $200,000,000 worldwide at the box office.

The film tells the story of a missing documentary film crew who had gone to the Amazon to film indigenous tribes. A rescue mission, led by the New York University anthropologist Harold Monroe, recovers their lost cans of film, which an American television station wishes to broadcast. Upon viewing the reels, Monroe is appalled by the team's actions, and after learning their fate, he objects to the station's intent to air the documentary. Much of Cannibal Holocaust is the portrayal of the recovered film's content, which functions similarly to a flashback and grows increasingly disturbing as the film progresses

The original controversy that surrounded the film's release was the belief that Cannibal Holocaust was an actual snuff film, or that the actors were murdered in order to film their deaths for the movie; these allegations were originally suggested in January 1981 in an article by the French magazine Photo. The film was confiscated ten days after its premiere in Milan, and Deodato was arrested. Although he was originally charged with obscenity, the charges were amended to include murder, as the courts not only believed that the four actors portraying the missing film crew were killed for the camera, but that the actress in the impalement scene was actually skewered in such a manner. To make matters worse for Deodato, the actors had signed contracts with him and the producers ensuring that they would not appear in any type of media, motion pictures, or commercials for one year after the film's release in order to promote the idea that the film was truly the recovered footage of missing documentarians. Thus, when Deodato claimed that he had not killed the group, questions arose as to why the actors were in no other media if they were alive. Eventually, Deodato was able to prove that the violence was staged. He contacted Luca Barbareschi and told him to gather the other three actors. After he voided the contracts in order to avoid life in prison, Deodato brought the foursome onto the set of an Italian television show, which satisfied the courts.

Although Deodato was later cleared, the film was banned in Italy, the UK, Australia, and several other countries due to its graphic depiction of violence, sexual assault, and the actual slaughter of seven animals. Some nations have since revoked the ban, but the film is still barred in several countries. Nonetheless, critics have suggested that the film is a commentary about civilized society."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Popcorn

Root Beer

Chips

Asthma Meds

Porn

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! There are a bit of annoying subtitles on the bottom of the screen. Don't worry about it. Also, after the feature runs first it runs AGAIN without sound for some inexplicable reason. Don't worry about that either. This film is the goods.

Please, though, a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be spanked, then impregnated. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so serious about that last one.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show y'all!

And here is the ever growing list of Sunday movies that I've seen so far ...

Sleepy Baby Rerun Time ...

2011-11-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

That's my award-winning smile. You are all amazed.

I'm currently all wrapped up in a baby bundler for the first time. I have the baby on my chest sleeping soundly. He's squeaking and grunting and sweating up a storm against my chest. It feels great to be this close to my darling eight week old baby boy.

So there's a party tonight. I WAS going to go but I would rather just hang out and watch SNL. So my wife is going to go out and she's leaving me all alone with the baby for the first time. I'm pretty nervous.

So I thought I'd post some links to my favorite Church-less Movies of the Week. And be sure to stay tuned for a brand NEW one tomorrow!

Piranha

MST3K's "Parts: The Clonus Horror"

Mothra

The Snow Creature

Special When Lit

Double Feature: Blood Feast/Two Thousand Maniacs

MST3K's "Amazing Colossal Man"

And you're welcome.

Just In Time For The Holidays ...

2011-11-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

It's time for that classic debate ...

DOES SANTA HATE NUTS?!?!?

Just Checking In...

2011-11-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody. How are you doing?

I don't really have anything to say. I'm just checking in, I guess.

There are big changes in store for me and my family in the immediate future. I don't want to get into any specifics just yet but there's a buzz around my house. Things are going to change but I am finally starting to realize that change isn't a bad thing. What's keeping me here? What is keeping me here, suffering in this stink town with no family around to support me?

Just turn around. just walk. Don't look back. I always feared change but now I just want to throw away everything I own and start anew somewhere else, somewhere positive and bright, somewhere where people will like me and maybe I'll be appreciated.

This is it. Things are going to change for the better. It's like electricity in the air. I can feel it.

For the first time in my life I am eagerly awaiting change.

And it feels pretty damn awesome.

Here are some Halloween pictures for you ...

... and once again I was a giant taco.

I'll probably post a movie or two tomorrow so stay tuned!

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Extremely Late Make-Up Edition...

2011-11-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Today's movie actually features a supremely cool shout out to moi which I am really psyched about, so listen for Reverend Steve and The Church of Ed Wood.

Yay!

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from wikipedia and edwoodonline.com

"Venus Flytrap (1970) is a rare American/Japanese horror film that is also known as Body of the Prey (original title), The Revenge of Doctor X (American video title), The Revenge of Dr. X (American video box title) and The Devil Garden.

The screenplay is based on an earlier screenplay from the 1950s by Ed Wood without giving Wood credit, despite the fact that most releases of the film now credit it as a so-called 'lost' Ed Wood film.

This was filmed by Toei in Japan from a script Ed apparently wrote in the 50s and it shows. The plot is right out of Ed's 1950's playbook and the dialogue is as convoluted as anything in Bride of the Monster.

Another aspect that shows how important Ed's writing was to the nature of his films is how many actors and directors follow his pattern. This film was made in Japan and yet still features the same hyper-active acting, stock footage and bizarre transitions that featured so prominantly in Ed's own films.

Cinema Insomnia is a nationally syndicated American television series presented by horror host Mr. Lobo. Cinema Insomnia will have 26 new episodes for its 2011-2012 season.The first new episode of the season features a new theme song inspired by Mystery Science Theater 3,000. The movie shown is Venus Flytrap."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Chips

Ice Cream

Root Beer

Inner Shame

AND NOW Steve Galindo and this blog are pleased to bring you today's Church-less Movie Of The Week absolutely FREE!

But a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater-talkers will be roughly fisted. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show y'all!

The Loaner ...

2011-11-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

Alright.

So...

I apologize for the extreme lack of posts around here lately. This has been a very trying time for my family as we await word on where we will end up next, where we will live, what state we will move to, and basically what the hell will happen to us in our hazy futures.

Plus that whole "blog hating" thing really chapped my hide. I mean, what the hell, right?

But I really wanted to share the following picture on this blog. My six-year-old snapped the following picture in my bedroom during one of those trying times that I previously mentioned. I think she was just fooling around with my cell phone and accidentally took a very beautiful picture...

Anyway, I am still awaiting the word from a few possible places where I could transfer to but the fact remains that, job or not, in four or five weeks I will most definitely be moving the hell out of here.

I'm happy with that, by the way.

Screw this stink town.

And no, my laptop is NOT all fixed. I brought it into Electronic Fry's and they said it will take a few WEEKS! Hopefully it will be fixed by the time we need to get the hell out of Dodge.

They gave me a "loaner" laptop that works like a beaut, so be prepared for a deluge of posts in the next few days.

Be prepared. Act accordingly.

Laters.

Blog Hating ...

2011-10-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

Ok. Listen up.

I am having a really hard time with my life and I am really starting to hate this blog.

See, I am incredibly broke and my family and I are pobably going to be kicked out of our house. So I am currently seeking out possible work transfers to Oklahoma, Arizona, Texas and pretty much anywhere that will have me. My daughters are being pulled out of their private school so that we can homeschool them. We haven't made it public at work or anything yet because technically nothing is official yet but it's just too damn hard for us to live here in Hellifornia. It's too hard on me and my family. I want to stay, but we'll probably have to go.

So in about eight weeks we will probably be giving up this expensive California life for hay barrels in Oklahoma. I don't particularly WANT to move there but it will be good for the family and I will gladly sacrifice my own happiness for what is best for my family.

This is the absolute HARDEST thing I have ever had to do.

The last thing I need right now are anonymous assholes trashing me on my blog.

So FUCK YOU!

Not Official Yet ...

2011-10-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

I should probably point out that the move and the work transfer and everything is all 100% UNOFFICIAL right now. There are places to look into and papers to sign and numbers to check and a bajillion other things to do before this thing becomes official, bajillion being my favorite number.

But I can tell you with an amazingly high level of certainty that by the time 2012 rolls around I will no longer be living in the state of confusion that is California.

Good riddance, you bastard!

Never Felt Like This Before ...

2011-10-24T19:35:00.000-07:00

I am a fairly simple man.

I like to eat the same foods and drive the same way to work and watch the same things on tv. I like repetition. It comforts me, makes me feel safe.

That's the key word. Safe.

I have built a comfortable bubble around myself and it's a lonely bubble that I have spent nine years constructing, a bubble that has been just fine for me and my introverted, lonely lifestyle. I'm happy being lonely and friendless as long as I get to be lonely with my wife and kids.

What I'm trying to say here is that I've been living nine years hiding my head inside a turtle shell. It's been fine for me because in my mind I've always thought that change is different and different is bad. And that's no way to live.

Fuck all that.

I just want to throw out everything I own, set fire to my clothes, shave my face, and leave this craptaco of a city forever, star a new life somewhere else, it doesn't matter WHERE, as long as it's different, as long as it's not HERE.

I want a change.

Exciting. Breathing heavy.

I've never felt like this before.

The Failure Of My Talent ...

2011-10-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Now that I have a newborn son in my hands I have been thinking a lot about my life and what went wrong.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I am happiny married to a nice, funny, big breasted woman, and we now have three amazing kids together. I have a job that I've somehow managed to hold for over eleven years now. And as far as my health is concerned I'm actually not doing that bad, surprisingly. My life, in and of itself, is by all means pretty darn good.

The BAD parts of my life, however, are pretty darn bad. We are extremely broke and we're having a hard time trying to afford our lives here. Sacramento is a rough city to live in. The cost of living is just way too high here. They keep raising our rent and the amount of houses around ours that are empty and forclosed is extremely sad. Our neighborhood keeps getting worse and worse. Things just keep piling up, bills and problems and drama and worries. We don't know if we can afford to keep living in our house or to have our kids in the private school that they love. I feel socially neutered. I feel lost and I just don't know what to do with myself.

I feel like a failure.

I would easily be a part of the Occupy Wall Street movement if I thought holding up a sign at a bank and shouting would actually change anything.

So I have been doing a whole lot of thinking here. The way that I see it is that there was a really bad thing that happened when I was younger and that if this hadn'd had happened then I think my life would be a lot better today than it really is. It's a pain, a failure, and a regret and not a day has gone by renently where I have not paused to think about it.

When I was in third grade our grade had a poetry reading. We were each given a poen and were told to memorize it so that we could read it aloud on stage at an event for our families and parents. Most kids were scared shitless. Some developed major stuttering problems. Some cried. And a few children weren't scared but could barely be heard, reading their poems with all the passion of a robotic "text-to-speech" function.

I seemed to be the only kid who wasn't scared and who saw this as a chance to act. I never really acted before and I always thought that acting wasn't that hard of a thing to do. You just pretend to be somebody else. How hard can that be? So I got up on stage and turned in an amazing performance. Everyone was amazed. I was such a shy kid but when it came to being on the stage I could always turn it on.

Ever since I was in third grade I was told I would grow up to be famous. And that is the WORST thing you could EVER do to a child!

I quickly started acting, mainly because I was pretty good at it and because the people around me, not my parents as much as the adults, the grown ups, the teachers, and all the others around me sort of LED me there because of my previous affinities in the area. And the more I acted the more I was always rewarded with a long list of teachers and adults all saying the same things: a number of speeches that all boiled down to different versions of the same thing. "Oh, Steve, you are going to be a star when you grow up! You are going to be rich and famous and on tv and in movies and I'm going to tell everyone I knew you way back when!"

I grew up acting, doing stand up, did a movie or two, acted in a number of plays, and I did everything I could do that could lead me to what I thought would be an eventuality to me. I was regularly told that I was extremely special and that I would end up being famous when I was older. Even when I was older and broke I still subconsciously believed that eventually things would turn around for me and that eventually I would get some sort of big break that would lead to the things that I was destined for.

What I'm trying to say is that EVERY kid in the world isn't amazingly special and destined for greatness. And what a fucked up thing it is to tell a little third grader that they WILL grow up to be famous.

I am done waiting for things to happen to me. I am also done with this California world. I'm done. This place bores me. It's old and grey in my eyes.

So It looks like we're moving. Probably. Maybe definitely. I just don't see anything keeping my family and I here anymore. I mean, what's the point?

Does anybody know about cheap places to live in Texas?

Or Arizona?

Or Oklahoma?

Or freaking ANYWHERE that's not here?

This Friday ...

2011-10-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

So this Friday at my work we will be having an author event. And it's a pretty big one.

Ozzy Osbourne is coming to the store, MY store, this freaking Friday. And yes, it's THE Ozzy Osbourne, the godfather of metal, the prince of darkness, Black freaking Sabbath, Crazy Train, HIM! To MY store!

Now, in other news, the christian nutjob that said the world was going to end on May 21st is now saying that his "bible math"
Nwas wrong and that the rapture is actually going to happen on October 21st.

And October 21st is this Friday.

And who is coming to my store on Friday?

This CANNOT be a coincidence.

I believe the end of days will be happening at my store. Soon.

Woodmas Eve Feelings ...

2011-10-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have tonight, then all of tomorrow, then I must leave the comfort of my family and go back to work.

Two things... one, I need to stress that anything written in this blog are the sole feelings and ideas of myself and are in no way related to any bookstore or major corporation. Sigh. And two, I need to stress that the following picture, as well as most of the pictures I have been posting lately, have been yoinked from my wife's cell phone. She gets pissy when I do that, so credit when credit's due

I feel afraid.

I don't know why, but I feel afraid to go back to work. I feel deeply frightened about it, the whole thought of it, really, of leaving this family and leaving this beautiful, amazing baby to go shelve books. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of leaving my newborn baby and I'm afraid of work, of the idea of work, and I worry that when I do finally go back there that no one at work will have missed me, that no one will care, that no one will give a rat's ass about me and that I'll just find myself getting in trouble again and again over nothing.

I'm just worried and nervous and altogether scared.

My son is asleep on my chest right now. He looks like an angel. He is sleeping while my gaggle of girls and women watch the movie Ever After: A Cinderella Story. I've got a Stephen King story next to me, cold pizza on the oven, a bag of popcorn on the desk and a fridge full of root beer.

So when I think of leaving all this just for a paycheck I get nervous and want to cry.

Happy Woodmas Eve, everybody.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-10-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from wikipedia and badmovies.org ...

"The Bat People, also known as It Lives By Night, is a 1974 film directed by Jerry Jameson and distributed by the now defunct American International Pictures corporation. The film centers around a doctor who undergoes an accelerating transformation into a hideous man-bat creature after being bitten by a bat in a cave.

The Bat People was makeup artist Stan Winston’s first full length feature. He would go on to win 3 Oscars for Best Effects: Jurassic Park, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Aliens. Stewart Moss (Dr. John Beck) and Marianne McAndrew (Cathy Beck) are married in real life.

A man and his wife take a cave tour and wander off the beaten path when a bat attacks and bites the husband on his forehead. Once they are rescued, the pair goes skiing for a few days, despite both of them voicing a concern about rabies. Dummies. It takes a pair of violent seizures (which are funny to watch) for the husband to turn into an ugly looking werebat.

The Bat People is also known by two alternate titles: It Lives By Night and It’s Alive. The film was featured in the final season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) on July 18, 1999."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Chips

Cold Pizza

Apples

Asthma Meds

... and we should mention that today's film is currently available in its original form via the Netflix on Demand service. However, this film is apparently supposed to be so bad that I don't know if you'd WANT to see this without Mike and the 'bots.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Welcome To Hell ...

2011-10-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

Steve here, just checking in. How are you? Me, I'm good.

So how are things?

I had some great time with my son this morning. We watched our first episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 together. He was awestruck with the opening credits but pretty much slept thru most of the rest. I don't mind, though, because it was the jaw-droppingly aweful spanish movie Santa Claus where Santa battles the devil. It's so bad that I could only WISH that I was asleep.

So our friend Jen had twins. Twin girls. Addison and Riley. Preemies. Cute. But Jen's babydaddy went nuts and left and now she's losing her magic baby powers as well as her sanity. To help her out we are taking care of the twins for the weekend. So that means that there's 200% more crying and screeching and dirty diapers in my small house this weekend. Yay me, right?

And that's not all, because in a little bit my whole fam will be going to hell. Oops, I meant to say we're going to Chuck-E-Cheese.

I will try to get online and post a free Church-less MOTW later tonight.

Going back to work this Tuesday.

Wish me luck. About everything.

Wind Clan out.

The Fear ...

2011-10-06T16:03:00.001-07:00

I HAVE THE FEAR.

That's what I call it. See, it's this feeling I get. I guess it's from my bipolar disorder. It is this unsubstantiated feeling I regularly get that tells me that everything is wrong, that there are bad things happening, that the fates are conspiring against me and the world hates me and that I am stupid and worthless and I should just curl up and die.

I call it "the fear" because that's what Hunter S. Thompson's attourney calls it in the movie Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. It's something concrete. It's tangable. It's like a sudden wave of emotional turbulence that suddenly sneaks its way into my head and, just like a small devil on the shoulder of a looney tunes character, tells me I'm horrible and nobody likes me and that I should commit suicide.

Thankfully, after years of medication and over a year of therapy, I can now consciously realize when the fear enters my head. Because of that I can dismiss these negative thoughts as simply bad chemicals in my brain and not really my own thoughts. I really don't want to kill myself. It's all fake. It's all just the fear again.

I'm reading Stephen King's Dark Tower Series for the first time. I'm on book one. Crazy amazing.

I'm trying to convince myself not to cut my arms open.

I don't think I'm winning.

Post #1,752: It's Just Another Sunday ...

2011-10-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

It's just another sunday for me. No Jesus Christ, no mindless praying, no guilt being shoved up my ass. It's just another sunday for Steve.

So my wife and my newborn are asleep in the bedroom while my youngest and I party hard on the 50-mile couch watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail together. Pretty awesome.

I'm happy because the movie we're watching is in fact one of today's free Church-Less Movies Of The Week and I hardly ever get to watch any of these movies with someone else, let alone one of my own kids, let alone Isabela who just so happens to LOOOOVE all things Monty Python. So today is very special to me.

You may be wondering where my oldest daughter is. The answer is a simple and slightly depressing one. See, my mother-in-law decided to go to her usual church and this time bring my oldest daughter and her sleepover friend Shay-dawg with her.

... and you may know Shay-dawg as Shayla, the special guest from episode two of The Root Beer Show, America's greatest root beer reviewing webisode ...

Any chance to show off my internet show.

My wife usually goes with her mom to church and, occasionally, I have been known to go with the family to church but not to pray. I like going to church services because A) they're usually funny as hell, and B) it usually gives me a nice, quiet chance to write in my journal. Plus going with usually means that there is a 60 to 75% chance that we may get to go out to eat afterwards and going with usually puts me in the running.

So I usually go to church just to hang out and write and to listen to all the craziness that occasionally spouts from the preacher's mouth.

Did you know that Pastor, as I will now call him to save time, regularly says that there is more evidence of Jesus existing than there is evidence that George Washington was real? Yeah, the sumbitch actually said that!

Here's another one... did you know that Pastor once said that there is not one bit of proof that evolution is real?

Pastor also once said that the bible is 100% accurate and that thru science and thru math we know that Jesus was 100% real.

That's why I say I would rather stay at home and watch bad movies than go to a church that seems to be to be 300% stone cold crazy.

No offense.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: And Now For Something Completely Double Feature ...

2011-10-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

I still don't have a computer (sigh) so we probably wont be having MOTW every single sunday, but today it's a big fat double feature to make up for all the times past.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...

"And Now for Something Completely Different is a film spin-off from the television comedy series Monty Python's Flying Circus featuring favorite sketches from the first two seasons. The title was used as a catchphrase in the television show.

The film, released in 1971, consists of 90 minutes of the best sketches seen in the first two series of the television show. The sketches were remade on film without an audience, and were intended for an American audience which had not yet seen the series. The announcer (John Cleese) uses the phrase 'and now for something completely different' several times during the film, in situations such as being roasted on a spit and lying on top of the desk in a small, pink bikini.

The film was the idea of entrepreneur Victor Lownes, head of Playboy UK, who convinced the group that a feature film would be the ideal way to introduce them to the US market and make them lots of money. Lownes acted as executive producer. Production of the film did not go entirely smoothly. Lownes tried to exert considerably more control over the group than they had been used to at the BBC. In particular, he objected so strongly to one character – 'Ken Shabby' – that the sketch was removed, leaving both Terry Jones and Michael Palin to complain much later that the vast majority of the film was "nothing more than jokes behind desks."

Another argument with Lownes occurred when Terry Gilliam designed the opening credits for the film. Presenting the names of the Pythons in blocks of stone, Lownes tried to insist that his name be displayed in a similar manner. Initially, Gilliam refused but eventually he was forced to give in. Gilliam then created a different style of credit for the Pythons so that in the final version of the film, Lownes's credit is the only one that appears in that way.

The budget of the film was considerably low for the time at only £80,000. This is self-reflexively acknowledged in the film's Killer Cars animation; the voiceover narration (done by Eric Idle) mentions 'a scene of such spectacular proportions that it could never in your life be seen in a low-budget film like this. You'll notice my mouth isn't moving, either.' The film was shot both on location in England and inside an abandoned dairy, rather than on a more costly soundstage. It was in fact so low that some effects which were done in the television series could not be done in the film.

When it was first made, this film failed to get a general release anywhere in the world. The success of clips of Python on Saturday Live in the US led to big box office success for The Holy Grail, and so this film was re-released to great success and all other subsequent Python ventures were very high profile."

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

Info once again yoinked from the wiki ...

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a 1974 British comedy film written and performed by the comedy group Monty Python (Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin), and directed by Gilliam and Jones. It was conceived during the gap between the third and fourth series of their popular BBC television programme Monty Python's Flying Circus.

In contrast to the group's first film, And Now for Something Completely Different, a compilation of sketches from the first two television series, Holy Grail was composed of new material, therefore considered the first 'proper' film by the group. It generally parodies the legend of King Arthur's quest to find the Holy Grail.

The film was a success on its initial release, and Idle used the film as the inspiration for the 2005 Tony Award-winning musical Spamalot. The film was nominated for the Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation in 1976, but lost to A Boy and His Dog.

The film was mostly shot on location in Scotland, particularly around Doune Castle, Glen Coe, and the privately owned Castle Stalker. The many castles seen throughout the film were either Doune Castle shot from different angles or cardboard models held up against the horizon. King Arthur was the only character whose chain mail armour was authentic. The 'armour' worn by his various knights was silver-painted wool, which absorbed moisture in the cold and wet conditions.

The film was co-directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones, the first major project for both and the first project where any members of the Pythons were behind the camera. This proved to be troublesome on the set as Jones and Gilliam had different directing styles and it often was not clear who was in charge. The other Pythons evidently preferred Jones, who as an acting member of the group was focused more on performance, as opposed to Gilliam, whose visual sense they admired but whom they sometimes thought too fussy: on the DVD audio commentary, Cleese expresses irritation at a scene set in Castle Anthrax, where he says the focus was on technical aspects rather than comedy.

Originally the knight characters were going to ride real horses, but after it became clear that the film's small budget precluded real horses the Pythons decided that their characters would mime horse-riding while their porters trotted behind them banging coconut shells together. The joke was derived from the old-fashioned sound effect used by radio shows to convey the sound of hooves clattering. This was later referred to in the German release of the film, which translated the title as Die Ritter der Kokosnuß (The Knights of the Coconut).

In 2000, readers of Total Film magazine voted Monty Python and the Holy Grail the 5th greatest comedy film of all time. The next Monty Python film, Monty Python's Life of Brian, was ranked #1. A similar poll of Channel 4 viewers in 2005 placed Holy Grail in 6th (with Life of Brian again topping the list). A 2004 poll by the UK arm of Amazon and the Internet Movie Database named Monty Python and the Holy Grail as the best British picture of all time. In 2011, ABC aired a primetime special, Best in Film: The Greatest Movies of Our Time, that counted down the best films chosen by fans based on results of a poll conducted by ABC and People. Monty Python and the Holy Grail was selected as the #2 Best Comedy.

In the Star Trek: The Next Generation novel, Doomsday World, co-written by Peter David, Michael Jan Friedman, and Robert Greenberger, Geordi La Forge is sitting in a bar, the proprietor of which is described as knowing everything about anything. Geordi asks the bartender some obscure questions about the dimensions and climate about the planet they are on, which the bartender answers, immediately and correctly. Geordi then asks, 'What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?' to which the bartender replies, 'African or European?' Geordi is then forced to concede, muttering 'Damn, he's good.'"

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Chips

Salami

Popcorn

Porn

Random Thoughts ...

2011-09-30T07:32:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure that my wife and my mother-in-law stayed up all night last night watching stuff on our Netflix on demand service. I'm not sure about my mother-in-law because it doesn't seem like the crazy sort of thing she would do. My wife, however, seems like EXACTLY the sort of person crazy enough to do that so I am feeling pretty definite about her doing that.

So right now I am trying to get my two daughters ready for school. It's an uphill battle. Emerald, my oldest, likes to tease and manipulate her youngest and get angry when you try to scold her. My youngest treats all the women in her life with respect and reverence but treats me, her dad, like crap, yelling and screaming at me whenever possible and waking up her mommy to try and get a second opinion on small stupid things. Every morning seems worse. They just won't listen to me.

It's sexism. That's what it is. And I am so happy that I now have a son because maybe his presence will quell the rampant sexism in this goddamn house. I mean, I'm sure that if I had a freaking vagina that my daughters would listen to me.

It's just frustrating.

What I am hoping for today (and I probably won't get, knowing my crap luck) is that my wife and my mother-in-law just stay asleep all day. That would be like a dream for me.

Things certainly have changed. See, bad movies and cult movies are my comfort. I watch them all the time. But then my wife got pregnant and decided that all television is evil and a black cloud started hanging over our house as we all started giving up tv to appease my pregnant wife. Now here she is staying up all night watching old episodes of Reaper and Samantha Who.

One thing that hasn't changed is the fact that my wife's mother doesn't want me watching movies, not when there's so much stuff to do around the house. I understand that and I respect that. Hell, I gave up watching my coveted Thursday night comedy lineup so that she could watch To Sir With Love. Brought back memories. I used to sing a mean ass metal version of To Sir With Love back at the bar in Phoenix. Good times.

Anyway, I try to clean and I try to help out around the house, but it seems as if she will not be happy unless I clean constantly and never watch television. That's why I am pretty psyched about them staying up all night watching crap and, I dunno, ratting their hair and talking about dreamy guys. That means that I get the tv all to myself for a while today.

Yay little victories!

Right now I am sitting down on the former 50-mile couch watching stuff. It's 8:55 in the morning now and the girls are at school. I am watching something new on the Netflix on demand service, a Norweigan film called Trollhunter. I've only heard about it in articles and on the internet. It's an amazing film. It's a Blair Witch sort of film but it's foriegn and it's about the hunting of trolls. It's hard to pin down. It's not a horror film and it's not a drama. It's close to a comedy but it's not a full on comedy because it takes itself incredibly seriously, but it's just that which makes the film so comedic and utterly awesome. Great stuff. I highly recomend it.

After I finish watching this I may watch the Conan O'Brien documentary that I wanted to see so bad in theaters. It just popped up on the instant que a day or two ago and I can't wait to see it.

I'm feeling , I dunno, out of my element a bit. Off my game. I am incredibly happy about my new son. I am. I'm filled with joy about it. But apart from that I just don't feel myself. I feel lonely. I feel uncared for. I have been fighting myself about cutting. Lord knows I really want to cut myself. I haven't yet but every day I want to. I just hate myself and cutting is my way of punishing myself. I know it's bad and its been months since I've done it to myself. But everyday recently I've fought myself about it.

Trollhunter is freaking awesome!

Laters.

Wind Clan out.

My Parents Get Ahold Of Maxwell: The GOOD Pictures ...

2011-09-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

Robo-free Steve ...

2011-09-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

I no longer have a phone.

My old, retarded cellphone (the OPPOSITE of a smart phone) died yesterday after a fierce battle with a hot cup of coffee. A bag of rice was dispatched but the phone officially died today at 1:30 pm pacific standart time.

The current Galindo family robotic death toll stands at 2 with one computer and one laptop dead.

I, Steve Galindo, am robo-free and off the grid.

Pretty sweet.

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-09-24T14:08:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from wikipedia and the Pop Culture Wonderland which is pretty neat ...

"Ring of Terror is a so-so black-and-white 1962 film concerning med students and a graveyard. The film has been released alongside Roger Corman's The Terror as a double-feature, from the Treasure Box Collection. It has also been released as part of Mill Creek Entertainment's Nightmare Worlds 50 Movie Megapack.

It was featured in the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K), alongside an episode of the Bela Lugosi serial, The Phantom Creeps.

Set in the early 50's , this incredibly slothful film focuses on a group of 40-somethings passed off as medical students at Anywhere University. Our main character is Lewis Moffet, a fifty-five year old med student who maintains that he is 'afraid of nothing' and wrangles rattlesnakes and cadavers with ease. Betty, Lewis's girlfriend and a dead-ringer for the Recessa-Annie CPR doll, loves Lewis, but is always afraid because others are afraid because Lewis is never afraid.

However, through a series of nightmare sequences and a very ill-plotted wake which makes no sense, we learn that our Mr. Moffet has a deep-seeded secret; he's afraid of the dark. OOOOOH. That was typed sarcasm right there.

The film is narrated by the keeper of a graveyard, who invites viewers to keep him company while he searches for his lost cat. As he steps near a certain grave, he is reminded of Moffitt's ordeal."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Various Chips

Lipton Brisk Fruit Punch

Asthma Medication

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE in both its standard AND Mystery Science Theater 3,000 versions! Yeah. That's right. Both versions. That's how much I rock.

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be murdered Sweeney Todd-ish. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

So, all that's left to say is ...

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Click here to watch the MST3K version on Hulu!

My Parents Get Ahold Of Maxwell ...

2011-09-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

My mom and dad and my older brother made the trip from Queen Creek, Arizona to Sacramento, California to see Maxwell last night.

Yay Galindistas!

They would have been here for the birth but our van broke down and the price to fix it was over $2,000! Can you believe it?! So my parents swept in and paid the price which was what they were going to use to afford the trip here. So it was pretty much my fault that they didn't make it.

I still feel really bad about the whole car thing. It makes me feel like I'm not man enough to afford the life that we have.

But we were able to get together for two or so hours last night, essentially taking over a corner of Golden Coral with our loudness and craziness and our overall sheer Galindoishness.

Here are some pics ...

I have more pictures but I don't have them yet.

So more later, okay?

Maxwell Is Home...

2011-09-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

Rejoice, one and all, for Maxwell Galindo is finally home!

I am overflowing with a well of positive vibes and this warm feeling inside my chest that is radiating happiness all over. I have never felt this content ever in my life. We are a family and now I have three children.

I am a complete man filled with pure joy.

And I honestly wish that this overflowing well of inner joy spills out of me and finds its way to you, the reader of this blog, wherever you are.

All is well with my world right now.

Joy All Around ...

2011-09-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

Free joy all around!

My baby comes home today!!!

Maxwell Edward Galindo...

2011-09-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

The Long Road To Maxwell...

2011-09-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

It is early Thursday morning, my youngest daughters birthday, and I am sitting on a deeply uncomfortable hospital couch next to my wife's hospital bed. I have been here by her side for almost 24 hours. I think I'm tired. I don't really know. But after a paltry breakfast and a redbull I'm feeling a wee bit better.

Where to begin...

My wife woke up at 6:30 am yesterday and, like clockwork, her water broke. After getting the kids ready for school we made our way to the hospital. Mercy Methodist. Small, close to home, personal, nice. We were in high spirits when we first arrived, but little did we know we would go thru the whole day with little progress. Natasha's contractions were infrequent and her cervix was diallating at a snail's pace. The baby was healthy and she was ready to give birth but her body apparently had different plans.

When she had Emerald she was young. They induced her and then did a c-section. When Isabela was born they had to do a c-section because she was in distress. This time around she wants to do this naturally, which I fully understand, but afteer 24 hours of short gains we may have to bite the bullet and schedule a c-section sometime soon today.

That's that. I feel a bit better now that I've had caffiene and I've blogged. I know my wife doesn't want a c-section but we don't have a lot of options here, you know? Anyway, I am facebooking real time status updates to my family in Arizona, so feel free to frie.nd me if you're interested.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and/or pagan sacrifices.

Wind Clan out.

My Daughter's First Volleyball Game...

2011-09-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

My nine year old daughter Emerald, who is #14 in her school's volleyball team, played her very first game today. They won and she had an awesome assist that led to a point for her team.

I am a proud dad.

Ha! I never thought that I would be a proud sports father, you know? But here I am. That's me in my world right now.

Sometimes I look back away from myself and see who I am and wonder how the hell I went from angry and lost and drunk in Arizona to the responsible parent that I am now. I don't know how I got here. I'm just happy as all hell that I'm here.

Here are some pics ...

Due Date Eve ...

2011-09-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

Today is Due Date Eve, the day before my very pregnant wife is due to give birth to Maxwell Edward Galindo, the Heir to the powerful House of Galindo.

Happy Due Date Eve, everybody!

So my last day of work came and went. I clocked out and sneaked out the back door to avoid any cards or gifts or "congratulation" speeches I might have had come my way. I miss work and storytime but I just cannot wait for this baby to arrive.

So every day since I went on maternity leave I have basically been doing nothing but following my wife everywhere, expecting her to pop at any second. I am basically existing in a constant state of cat-like readiness waiting for my baby to arrive.

No baby yet.

Stay tuned, though ...

Cold Turkey Steve ...

2011-09-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

It is painfully obvious to me that while my computer is on the fritz and not working that my mother-in-law just does NOT want me to be anywhere near her laptop. It's not entirely because, as she says, I hit the keys just too darn loud, bug according to her I should be spending every second every day cleaning and folding and cleaning and cleaning and anything done fot fun is just a sign of what an a-hold I apparently am. To even get on for a moment I have to teist the woman's arm and practically, and at times literally beg her to get on and even then I am met with the cold shoulder.

I respect her. I really do. After all, it is her computer and therefore it is HER decision who gets on her computer. It's just become too much of a hassle for me.

So I have decided to officially give up on computers, laptops, ect., until we get our laptop fixed.

I'll still post here on my blog.

I just wont bother begging anymore.

Just One More Day ...

2011-09-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

This is post # 1,738 if you are keeping track at home.

Today is my last day of work for about a month. I will be taking maternity leave to be with my soon to be newborn baby, who just so happens to be due this wednesday, so essentially due any day now.

I'm wondering if anyone cares that I'm leaving?

Again, this blog is in no way affiliated with any maor corporation and al opinions are the sole opinions of Reverend Steve Galindo and no one else.

Sigh.

I really miss having a computer. And I miss being the man of the house. Now with my mother-in-law staying with us I feel like some snot-nosed little kid again.

I'll try and post a free movie tomorrow, a treat for my hardcore fans.

Trying to stay positive. Trying to stay in control. Trying not to slash my wrists with boxcutter to see myself bleed.

Stay tuned for baby news...

The Long Walk...

2011-09-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

I have seen better days.

There are a number of things wromg with me at the present moment - my throat is killing me, my asthma sucks ass, my nose is rough and gross, not to mention the fact that this baby could come at any moment - but if I had to pinpoint the worst problem it would have to be thr fact that my legs are just barely functioning properly.

This is because of the crazed adventure I had a few days ago, almost a week ago. See, our car was absolutely dead, not a good thing when you consider that we have less than two weeks before it's Super Go Baby Time, and I found myself stranded at work with no money and no way to get home.

So I did what I have ALWAYS wanted to do.

I walked home.

It was ten miles.

Ten freaking miles! And I am not an athletic man by any means. Plus there's my severe chronic asthma which makes any sort of strenuous activity deeply difficult for me to accomplish. But I did it. I made that walk my bitch.

And now, a week later, my legs are STILL paying for it.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-09-03T21:58:00.001-07:00

Yoinked from wikipedia and the awesome website kindertrauma.com ...

"Piranha is a 1978 American B movie about a swarm of killer piranhas. It was directed by Joe Dante and starred Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy and the legendary Dick Miller. Produced by Roger Corman, Piranha is a parody (meaning a complete and total ripoff) of the 1975 film Jaws, which had been a major success for distributor Universal Studios and director Steven Spielberg, and inspired a series of similarly themed B movies such as Grizzly, Tintorera, Tentacles, Orca, Monster Shark and Great White.

Piranha was followed by a sequel, Piranha II: The Spawning, in 1981, and two remakes, one in 1995, and another in 2010. The film was shot at Aquarena Springs in San Marcos, Texas. Screenwriter John Sayles used the proceeds to fund his own films.

The film starts with two teenagers exploring at night that come upon an apparently abandoned military installation. They take advantage of what appears to be a swimming pool to skinny dip. The teenagers are attacked by an unseen force and disappear under the water. A light activates in the main building and a silhouetted figure investigates the screams, but is too late to help.

Sure, on the surface, 1978’s PIRANHA may look like a simple throw away JAWS rip off but thanks to the talents involved it’s a B-movie masterstroke that lovingly recalls the monster movie heyday of the fifties."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Asthma Meds

Popcorn

Fruit Snacks

Ice Cream

Cheetos Puffs

Anything Freaking Chocolate

... and now ONCE AGAIN Steve and this blog are both PROUD to present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE!

A few ground rules first, though. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and all talkers will be slapped mercilessly and with a madman's rage. Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And please dispose of trash in its proper receptacle.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show, y'all!

For No Reason At All ...

2011-09-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

Here is the absolute best episode of the 80s cartoon Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends ...

Remember who hooks you up.

That would be me.

This Is Me Venting My Electrical Outrage ...

2011-09-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my son. His due date is in 11 days. Only 11 days! He's sucking his thumb in the picture. In 11 days, probably sooner if my wife gets her wish, I will have a brand new baby boy.

And I am extremely nervous about this.

And add to my stress and my wife's extreme baby agitation is the fact that my car is now totally dead. That's my luck. It cost a pretty penny to get it towed and now it's going to cost a pretty penny to get it fixed.

And don't forget that my computer is STILL broken, too! My wife says we will get it fixed soon, but she has a smart phone and so she has the internet with her all the time, see? She isn't as pained by the loss of a computer as I am because I don't have a smart phone. I have a mentally challenged phone. I have a sped phone. It sucks and I hate it.

Speaking of frustrations, my wife has gone into super mega blackwatch plaid nesting mode and has outlawed the use of the television almost entirely. We don't watch television, no Netflix, no bad movies. It hurts my mind. So I dove into a super reading kick, as you loyal readers probably already know, and so my wife put the kibosh on that, too. No reading. There's too much to do, she says. And forget trying to play a video game or something because this woman is less than two weeks away from popping and if she is miserable then she is going to take everyone down with her.

There IS a computer here at home, but it's my mother-in-law's computer and she doesn't like me using it because she says that I tap on the keys too hard.

I think she's crazy. And I think I'm going crazy from having to hear stereo "my wife" complaints from my wife angry on one side and from my wife's mom on the other side. They say I do nothing around the house, but maybe that's because I'm exhausted from being the sole breadwinner in this house.

But whatever.

I just want my sunday bad movies back.

America's Newest Threat ...

2011-08-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

SIDEWALK RAGE!

The article on "sidewalk rage" in the Wall Street Journal

Seriously, the Wall Street Journal is great if you want business news or stock updates or whatever else it is that upper class white people are interested about, but when it comes to normal news for normal people, the WSJ has it's rich heads up its rich asses.

Seriously.

I am suffering from sidewalk rage.

Random Cell Phone Pictures ...

2011-08-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

It is the first day of school for my girls tomorrow, plus we are about two and a half weeks until super go baby time, so no movie today. Sorry. My apologies.

Originally I was going to show Vanilla Ice's masterpiece "Cool As Ice" but that would require effort and I cannot see myself putting forth an effort for a freaking Vanilla Ice film.

Instead, feel free to rock out to these random pictures from my cell phone.

Also, thanks to a generous upcoming donation from the firm of Mom and Dad Inc, we SHOULD be able to fix our computer in about two weeks. So look forward to more posts in the upcoming future. For now, though, I'm stuck occasionally posting random stuff whenever I can. Sorry.

Enjoy the pictures, though.

I've been cutting again.

Bunker Thoughts ...

2011-08-23T12:25:00.000-07:00

This is Steve, once again blogging from my remote bunker hidden twenty miles below the surface of the earth.

You have probably assumed by now that I am not in fact in a bunker, nor do I own one. But that's my story and I'm sticking to it. So there.

We are roughly three weeks away from our due date with little Maxwell Galindo, the future heir to the house of Galindo, long may he reign, and we are all very nervous and excited. My wife is a little less excited as I am in the sense that she is huge and tired and in constant pain and just wants that freeloading bastard out of her this instant.

So I am on constant alert for the possibility of this monster arriving early. Any day now, I figure. So I am eternally remaining in a state of cat-like readiness, waiting for that call at any moment.

Like I'm not paranoid enough, now I'm battle ready for super go baby time. Great.

I cut myself the other day. On the wrist. I instantly regretted it once I did it. Now instead of hoping someone notices and offers sympathy I am hiding it and hoping no one notices what a dumbass I am.

I miss having a computer.

Wind Clan out.

My Random Facebook Thoughts ...

2011-08-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

-When a baby is born in this hospital they play a lullaby thru the intercom. When a baby dies? Metallica's "One" in its entirety.

-You know what would be sad? If Osama Bin Laden came back to life and killed Jaycee Duggard with a cute little puppy. In front of deaf orphans. Now that would be SUPER sad!

-Reading "Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline has taught me that in the future your knowledge of Monty Python might aid in saving existence.

-I wonder when Dumbledore's gonna finally make an honest man outta Gandalf?

-I'm watching Troll 2 with the family right now. It's important for my kids to see the classics.

-Just got to introduce my daughters to the song "Big Balls" by AC/DC. I think they're still disturbed.

-FACT: My wife's phone is ALWAYS on low battery.

-Great! Now I have to explain to my daughters what an underage trailer park whore is! Thanks, neighborhood!

-BELA: "Can homeless people talk? Because why do they all have signs?"

-Disney's Tangled is now on the Netflix instant que. So is Tobe Hooper's Eaten Alive. Both great family movies.

-When I get all the a/c vents in the car pointing towards me I feel like King Super Pimp.

-When is science going to invent a HOT snow? Regular snow is just too darn cold!

-Amy Winehouse dying is sad news to all the cracked out, british fuglies out there. It's not that I cant believe she died but that I cant believe that she lived this long.

-You try to break into my house and my guard duck will kick your butt!

-Nothing funnier than watching white people try and dance at a wedding.

-Word from the business front is that Borders bookstore went out of business solely because of my portrail of the evil and sinister Dr. Borderz at story time.

-STEVE GEE: FEEL THE MEXCELLENCE!

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

2011-08-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from wikipedia and 1000misspenthours.com ...

"Zontar, the Thing from Venus, also known as Zontar: The Invader from Venus, is a 1966 made for television science fiction film directed by Larry Buchanan, the director of such hideous schlock films as Curse of the Swamp Creatures and The Eye Creature. The film is based on the teleplay by Hillman Taylor and Buchanan and is a remake of Roger Corman's semi-crap classic It Conquered the World (1956) which also featured an alien from Venus.

Zontar, the Thing from Venus is Larry Buchanan’s take on It Conquered the World, and its plot is literally exactly the same as the Corman picture’s. Rocket scientist Curt Taylor (John Agar, from Women of the Prehistoric Planet and Revenge of the Creature) is overseeing the launch of his lab’s new laser communications satellite when he receives an unexpected visit from a friend and colleague, Dr. Keith Ritchie (Tony Huston, of Mars Needs Women and The Eye Creatures). Ritchie has a reputation as a crackpot genius, for despite his vast engineering prowess, he is loath to see any of his projects get off the ground; he believes the inhabitants of the other planets have instituted a quarantine of the Earth, and can be counted upon to destroy any man-made object that reaches beyond the atmosphere. Apparently this laser satellite is something extra-special, too, for Ritchie contends that its successful launch will leave the extraterrestrial coalition no choice but to invade and, potentially, to destroy us. Nobody listens, though, and the launch proceeds as scheduled.

Zontar, the Thing from Venus is a dreadful movie, okay? And truth be told, It Conquered the World isn’t much better. But the funny thing about Zontar is that, alone among the Buchanan retreads that I’ve seen, it has just enough of the right things going for it not only to make one pay very close attention to it, but to make one inclined to reexamine and reevaluate its model as well.

All in all, not that bad. It coulda been worse."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Popcorn

Baby Carrots

Random Chocolate

Giraffe-Shaped Cupcakes

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE!

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be Jayce Duggard-ed with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

The (Sick) Baby Shower ...

2011-08-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

Dizziness, stomach cramps, and hurling didn't stop me from attending my wife's cute little baby shower.

Here are some pics ...

Various Random Whatnots ...

2011-08-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

-I am actually home alone right now. My two girls are shopping with my wife and mother-in-law. I'm not exactly sure how I managed to get left home alone, and with the computer no doubt, but with the place to myself and memories of the fair still fresh on my mind I decided to watch one of my favorite horror movies...

... Tobe Hooper's classic 1981 horror film The Funhouse. Four teens dare each other to spend the night in an old spookhouse ride at a carnival and end up getting stalked and killed by a deranged family. Classic movie. Still manages to freak me out. Not really scare me but just freak my shit out. Unfortunately, since the whole gang will eventually be back, who knows how long I have to watch this film. I'm betting I don't last until the first dead body shows up, but we'll see.

-In other news, the West Memphis 3 are free as of today, finally found innocent of the crime they were thrown in jail for almost twenty years ago. My heart is filled with joy over this news. I saw the documentary Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills while staying in Tucson for a summer job in 1996. It moved me back then and from that point on I hoped that one day the three young teens, who seemed to have been thrown in jail only because they had long hair and listened to Metallica, would be set free. Today is that day and I am overjoyed as a result.

-I draw a good giraffe. Just so you know.

-So I just got to the first death in the movie, the gypsy fortune teller strangled to death by the Frankenstein-masked freak after a quickie handjob a little over halfway thru the film. Good for me that I made it this far without a wife and kids to interrupt it.

-Speaking of this amazing movie I'm watching, did you know that a novelization of the screenplay was written by Dean Koontz under the pseudonym Owen West? Yeah! I've always known that Stephen King-wannabe Koontz wrote a book called The Funhouse but I never put two and two together and realized that the book by the hack and the old film by the master of horror are in fact one and the same. According to the almighty wikipedia, as the film production took longer than expected, the book was actually released before the film. Wow. Neat. I may have to read one of his damn books now.

-Jaycee Duggard was kidnapped and raped and treated as a sex slave for over 11 whole years, but TO ME the REAL torture was that for fun and to pass the time she was forced to read whatever books were lying around, mostly Dean Koontz books. I mean, sure she was kidnapped at age 11 and raped repeatedly, but I would take THAT over having to read nothing but Dean Koontz crap!

-And speaking of books, I am rampaging through an absolutely AMAZING book right now! It's called "Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline and it is absolutely wonderful. It's a nerd's dream come true Equal parts Roald Dahl and retro future, I can't fully describe it without doing the novel an improper amount of justice. But if you are a person who like me was raised by pop culture then you will instantly inhale this book and wished you lived inside its pages! I have been reading it for a little over two days and I am already at page 235 with only about 130 pages left. I don't know if I have EVER read a book this fast in my life! I just do not ever want to leave this amazing virtual world. I wish the future was now so that its vision could come true!

-In the book, Wil Wheaton is the vice-president of the virtual future! YES! He absolutely has my vote!

-I just made it to the second death. The nerdy guy. He shouldn't have stolen the money, the dumbass. And now the blonde chick has disappeared thru the trapdoor. Man! I am booking it thru the deaths just like I'm booking it thru this book! Now I have only 24 minutes left in the film, but I still doubt I'll be allowed to make it thru the entire film.

-Also, anyone looking for a fun and well-written young adult mystery should buy the new book "The Wizard of Dark Street" by Shawn Thomas Oddysey. I read it in six days, then had the pleasure of hosting a book signing for the author, an amazing man who performed magic, read from his novel, and sang two pretty darn good songs, too! It's a fun read and everyone, young and old alike, should give it a shot...

The Wizard of Dark Street.com

-Just finished the movie! YEAAAAAAAHHH! Who's the man? I am! I finished watching the whole movie, then I immediately started watching the awesome-o-rama documentary American Grindhouse. It's a pretty amazing film and the link I just put up allows you to see the whole thing on hulu. FYI. Anyway, about fifteen minutes after I started watching it my family came back. But, surprisingly enough, they came back, dropped stuff off, and then left yet again. So I'm good to go once more. Yay!

To celebrate, here's some free music for your punk ass ...

The Ventures: Walk Don't Run

Panic At The Disco: The Only Difference Between Suicide And Martyrdom Is Press Coverage

Dead Elvi: The Creature Stole My Surfboard

Jim's Big Ego: Cut Off Your Head

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: The Return ...

2011-08-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

I still don't have a computer, but that isn't going to stop me THIS week from showing off an awesome free movie!

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia god ...

"The Bat is a 1959 mystery film directed by Crane Wilbur, and starring Vincent Price and Agnes Moorehead. Its tagline was 'When it flies, someone dies!' The film was based on the 1920 Broadway play by Avery Hopwood and a gothic novel by Mary Roberts Rinehart, which was previously filmed as The Bat (1926) and as The Bat Whispers (1930), both directed by Roland West.

The 1959 version also features Darla Hood of The Little Rascals in her final film appearance. The eerie title theme of Louis Forbes' final film score was played by Alvino Rey.

This haunted house mystery movie casts Agnes Moorehead as a mystery writer who has just moved into a spooky old mansion. It's former owner was recently killed, but not before hiding one million ill-gotten dollars somewhere in the house. Now, a nefarious killer known only as the "Bat" is trying to find the money, while bodies and mysteries build up."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Chips

Popcorn

Strawberries

Random Chocolate Pieces

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! Please, though, a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be spat upon. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so super serious about that last one.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Oh, and remember ...

Enjoy the show y'all!

This probably won't be an every sunday thing for a few more weeks still. But I'm incredibly excited to finally showcase a new movie here.

Laters.

The Last Of The 2011 State Fair Photos ...

2011-08-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

Boycotting Angry Birds ...

2011-08-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

I think that the game Angry Birds and Angry Birds Seasons and Angry Birds Rio and all the shirts and hats and games and everything, all that is doing is sending out negative energy that cannot be good to our society or our planet.

That is why I am currently working on a game that is sure to delight white people everywhere! It's called Passive Birds. In it, there are massive structures and birds that stand beside the structures and marvel at the fabulous architectural skill it must have taken to create such a building.

Then you jump in your Prius and drive to your nearest food co-op to purchase a light vegan lunch.

That's the end of the game.

New bajillionare: Steve Galindo!

The Old Steve ...

2011-08-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

Hi. It's me again.

Still no computer but I don't think I have to say that at this point because you probably already know that.

So you know how my life has been pretty darn good lately? Well, there was just a little something that I wanted to mention.

Today an old friend of mine said to me "It's good to see you happy again. Your personal life seems to be better and you're happy and funny again. You have that energy you used to have. It's like the old Steve is back."

That's awesome.

The old Steve is back!

Yay!

Kids And Exhaustion ...

2011-08-10T21:13:00.001-07:00

I am exhausted.

I have been working exceptionally hard lately.

Sigh, I would like to take this time to once again say that my views and opinions are in no way related to those of any major bookstore chain of any kind.

Anyway, I have been working exceptionally hard at my job lately. There are a lot of changes happening and I am the primary one in charge of changing shelving units and measuring and shifting things around and heavy lifting. My arms and shoulders are killing me and I am wanting to sleep during most of my time at home, which isn't that fair to my kids who want to spend time with me.

I've been wanting to cut myself a lot lately but so far I haven't.

Yay me.

My family is good, though. The house is getting cleaner and cleaner and my kids are getting prettier and prettier and my amazing and gradually bustier wife is getting pregnantier and pregnantier. It's a win-win situation and I can't believe that soon we're going to have a crazy boy in this crazy house.

Anyway, getting late. Gotta hit the hay. Another big, long day tomorrow of me kicking whole buckets of ass.

Wind Clan out.

About Our Trip ...

2011-08-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

So this weekend we were supposed to go to Santa Cruz for the weekend to go to a wedding, to go to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (where they filmed Lost Boys), to swim in the ocean and, this is the part that I was the most excited about, we were going to go to the legendary Santa Cruz Mystery Spot, where all laws of nature are reversed.

Overall, things didn't go quite as planned.

For starters, the wedding was not for a relative as I had assumed but for my wife's friend whom she met on open diary. There were such a massive amount of white yuppies that you could smell the botox. I was the only non-white person there except for a few older relatives. Plus, since we weren't excactly close family, at dinner we were seated in the farthest corner with some strange sped guy who smelled funny and just could not stop talking to me.

Open bar. I didn't drink, though.

The next day we were going to go back to Santa Cruz and spend the day there. But see, we couldn't find a cheap enough place in Santa Cruz so we stayed at a fairly okay hotel in Sunnyvale about an hour away. The drive from one location to another, especially during a busy weekend, was hell and one my wife absolutely did not want to have to do again. So we didn't go back.

No boardwalk and no swimming in the ocean. That hurt a bit. So, we all hit up the hotel's spa instead.

It really hurt that we couldn't go to the Santa Cruz Mystery Spot. I was really looking forward to going there with my girls.In fact, the only reason why I wanted to go to the wedding in the first place was so that I could spend time in Santa Cruz with my family and that was just taken away from me.

So that just sucked.

So we found a place called Sky High Jump where there are basically just a few hundred trampolines on the floors and the walls and stuff. It sounded amazing and I really wanted to do it with the girls, but apparently we didn't have the money, so it was just the girls jumping and me taking pictures.

Sigh.

But my girls had fun.

Then we drove back home, went to Dairy Queen, and got Blizzards which, in my opinion, made up for everything else.

THAT is how good fucking Blizzards are.

Right now I'm on the couch watching The Avengers cartoon, which is absolutely awesome by the way, with my daughters. My wife is out running errands with her mom, who will be living with us until October or so. I am on her computer.

I have been asking nicely to get on her computer since friday. It's now monday and I am finally on it.

Something tells me she doesn't want me on her computer. That is why I am holding off on the missions of things I want to blog about right now. I don't want to be on here for too long.

Hopefully I will be able to blog more soon.

Wind Clan out.