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Friday, August 13, 2004

Another lonely day for Reverend Steve.

MOOD: tiredsoremoodyandfullofgas

BACKGROUND: Get Up Kids "On A Wire" (good lonely day music)

And therein lies the strange, bizarre conflict of my life, the fact that I have 3,000 followers worldwide and a stupid little semi-quasi D-level celebrity status but I only have about five real friends and I will be spending most of this day alone. Natasha is at work and the baby is at her nana's house seeing her "real" father, an geeky emotionless cracker jackass whom MY daughter calls by his name, not by "daddy" or "father" because those names are reserved for me, her father, the one that tucks her in every night and plays with her and makes her smile, not that I'm angry or bitter or anything. Sometimes this father thing can be tough.

Woke up at ten in the afternoon to an empty house. It felt so sad to roll over and have no body there to hold on to and drool all over. But on the negatively positive side, it felt so damn good to wake up that late. So now I'm here watching hours upon hours of Adult Swim and listening to my cds. Authority Zero, The Beta Band, Get Up Kids, Common Rider, Groovie Ghoulies, Digger, Kill Bill Vol. 1, AFI, The Format, The Big Lebowski. Drinking coffee, which in retrospect seems strange seeing as how I have absolutely nothing to do today, so why am I needlessly getting myself all wired and awake? I don't know. I'm just lonely. Another lonely day for Steve.

So anyways, guess who has an eating disorder! Right here! It's not that I don't like eating. It's just that in my head I have so much to do with my family and my work and my children's section and my church and my writings that I can't slow down to eat. And then, when I or somebody else forces myself to eat it's usually a MASSIVE amount of food to make up for all the food I hadn't eaten. So I'm basically torturing my stomache. It's insaine. Maybe that's why I'm drinking the coffee, to feed the beast anything but food.

Entertained company last night. Marisa from work. I love her so much. She reminds me of every girlfriend I've ever really loved but with all the mean annoying bitch parts surgically removed. She is the best and I really do see us being really wonderfull friends. She sat on the couch, I leaned against her, and Natasha drank beers on the foot of the couch as we all DIDN'T watch wrestling on tv. It was fun. It rocked.

I have to go pick up the baby now.

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