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Monday, October 4, 2004

I hurt really bad inside and I just can't seem to make it stop.

MOOD: dead

BACKGROUND: Socialburn "Where You Are"

I know I shouldn't be this way. There's no reason for me to feel sad and depressed and down and hurt and alone. Fuck, I should feel on top of the world right now. I should be happy and partying and getting tore up and feeling absolutely fabulous, not feeling sad and angry and detached like I've been feeling these past few weeks. But no matter how hard I try I can't shut off or deny these feelings that I've been feeling. Because I've really been feeling like shit lately. I feel slow and sad and completely detached from everyone except Natasha and the baby. I feel completely and absolutely exhausted like I've been wrestling with a handfull of demons all by myself.

I mean, my life's work, my religion, is finally starting to take off. People are really finally starting to talk about Woodism for once in my life. I should feel really happy and proud. I mean, I've gotten into Rue Morgue magazine with a sweet two page article, Premiere magazine's doing a little article about me that comes out this month, and my director friend Mr. Michael got a paragraph about my religion into the San Francisco Chronicle and might get some screen time to preach Woodism on IFC. And I just had a photo shoot for the piece that the Sacramento News and Review is setting up to run about me in their October 14th issue, just in time for my live movie and music festival event on October 17th.

Things are going absolutely great for me. My life has finally started moving. The ball is rolling after all these years I've spent staring at it, wishing it would move. Things are finally happening in my life.

So why do I feel like shit and how the hell do I make it stop?

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