I'M ON FAMILY LEAVE, I'M ON FAMILY LEAVE, I'M ON FAMILY LEAVE ...

... I have to keep reminding myself that. I am on family leave. I am away on family leave. I am spending some well deserved time off with my family, my new month old daughter Isabela and my gorgeous three-year-old daughter Emerald and my incredibly amazing wife Natasha. I am drinking coffee and listening to Jim's Big Ego and The Format and watching my wife play Super Mario Sunshine and TRYING VERY HARD not to think about work, about managers, about store openings and closings, about whether or not I should try to become a manager, and about what tiny little penises in suits are doing to the children's section, to MY children's section, to the only section in that tiny little store that's making ANY fucking money. Why is the most successful section in the store, successful because of MY leadership, being punished?

I have the buffalo stampede in my stomach right now, the buffalo stampede from the movie Glen or Glenda when Glen's fiance asks him if he's seeing another woman, that nervousness, that feeling inside the pit of your insides where it feels like there's a herd of buffalos stampeding through your intestines. That's the feeling I have right now, that and li'l Petey is a walking foreskin, a small body wrapped around in a massive suit like a small dick in a Burlington Coat Factory "Little Businessman Dress-Up Playset" foreskin, the dumb little yuppie shithead. That's how I feel right now.

I'm trying not to think about what's going on over there. If I think about it too much I'll probably get really upset and break out in hives or cry or something like that. The last thing I want to do is get caught up in bullshit work drama while I'm away on family leave. I have to keep reminding myself that, too ... I am on family leave, I am on family leave, I am away on family leave. No work. No working. No thinking about work. No thoughts about work. No worrying and obsessing and stressing about what's going on at work, especially when you're not even working. I have to remind myself of this. It's pathetic that I have to remind myself of this.

Beyond that, beyond being screwed over at work when I'm not even working ... my father came in today. He was here for only one day. He called me at around noon and said that he wanted to come over and have lunch with me and see the baby and blah blah blah ... he ditched me. He was too busy buying my brother a birthday present to come and see me and my new baby. And I haven't eaten in about 35 hours, so I'm fucking starving and angry about work and now to top all that I feel like my family just ditched me again.

I am NOT having a good day. Goddamnit, I'm so upset I think I might join the B.S.O.