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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Notes taken while watching Tod Slaughter's 1936 film version of "Sweeney Todd" which I bought at Target for one buck ...

- First rule of thumb ... if you ever go into a barber shop and see a picture of Sweeney Todd hung up on the wall, like the man does in the beginning of the film, then you should run like hell. You should run twice as fast if the barber that's about to cut your hair starts calling him a genius.

- Tod Slaughter, the toad-looking man playing Sweeney Todd, gets the Lifetime Achievement Award for his overacting when we first see him. You can tell this guy's from the stage. He's got more ham on him than Oprah at a slaughterhouse. But as the film gets going he succeeds in being creepy as hell, especially when he roundabout threatens to cut off a young boy's tongue. And the boy's doing an awesome job of being frightened of him.

- Is the chick who runs the pie shop SUPPOSED to look jewish? And is she SUPPOSED to look like Harpo Marx with a black wig? I smell a hint of racism afoot.

- Twenty minutes into the film and a wealthy man with no friends or relatives and a bag full of money just STROLLS into Sweeney's barber shop ... hmmmmm ... I wonder what will happen next?

- There's a strange subsection in this film about some white guy being attacked by african headhunters that I don't understand ... but it has some awesome dialogue ... MAN1: You're a pessimist. MAN2: Yes and no. Yes because you may be right and no because I don't know what that means.

- BEST scene in the movie: man ambushed at his african jungle home by headhunters, brave crew of white seamen come to his rescue and fight with headhunters, man comes out of house to say "Hooray" and gets tagged by a headhunter. Funniest damn scene I've seen since I saw "Anchorman."

- More than halfway throught the film now and I am now 100% positive that the woman who plays Mrs. Lovett is supposed to be jewish to feed more negative stereotypes about jewish people into the world. That's somewhat offensive and vaguely funny. Not sure if she's supposed to look like a Marx brother, though.

- Sweeney Todd just straight PIMPSLAPPED his orphan apprentice. "That's what little boys get who don't do what they're told!" That's so awesome! I wish I had a son.

- NEGATIVE: it just isn't the same watching Sweeney Todd without the flamingly gay theater music. POSITIVE: Watching Sweeney Todd WITHOUT Angela Landsbury's crusty vagina ruining everything. I may have misspelled her name but I do not care, seeing as how she's an annoying rotting whore.

- The only way I can see how Sweeney Todd wouldn't recognize Joanna as OBVIOUSLY being the pauper boy ... the soot on her face must have the same magical concealing powers that Clark Kent's glasses have. Because that's obviously Joanna, dude. Come on.

- At the end, the dashing young hero is struggling with Sweeney Todd for like a minute or two, then like 30 seconds later he just knocks him right out with one massive SUPER PUNCH. If it was so easy to beat him, then what the hell was all that before when Sweeney had you pinned down on the floor?

- Then, the film ends with what I said right in the beginning ... if you ever go into a barber shop and see a picture of Sweeney Todd hung up on the wall, then you should run like hell. And that's just what he does.

WHAT AN AWESOME FILM! That movie rocked ass. The best buck I've ever spent! The best part is that I bought it for only a dollar on a double feature DVD with some other old horror film called "Bloodlust." Maybe tomorrow I'll watch that one too and tell you what I think. But everybody should go down to their nearest Target, head straight to the dollar section, and buy Tod Slaughter in "Sweeney Todd" for only a buck. It's an awesome little flick!


Gregorio said...

im going tomorrow.. i have an unhealthy obsession with all things sweeney.

Gregorio said...

so i totally bought this this morning on the way to work... thank you for the heads up...

Axel said...

I just got this film for Christmas from my room mates. I recently introduced them to the Sondhiem DVD (with George Hearn and Angela Landsbery -- who I really like BTW), and they hated it. I was shocked and dismayed. Can't wait to see this version. I had no idea it even existed.