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Monday, May 22, 2006

A Bitch in Retrospect ...

... it's like the fates are punishing me for being happy, for having happy children and a happy wife and an overall drama free happy life. They're punishing me by constantly throwing me random people, complete strangers, whose job it is to completely FUCK with me.

This is yet another one of those stories, although it took me a while to realize how horrible of a situation it was. It took me a few days to get pissed off about it.

I was at Albertson's on Mother's Day with my wife and we were buying my prerequisite day off bounty of sugar and alcohol. Now, I was sick at the time. I couldn't properly breathe for like a whole week straight. I remember on tuesday or wednesday finally being able to beath. It was like my body did a week's worth of backstocked breathing in three hours, I was so damn dizzy. So I was sick and as such I was coughing up shit all over the place. I wasn't feeling too hot.

We were at the self checkout and this white trash nasty chick, the type of woman that's so white trash that she looks like she pees dust, she walks past us and with a coy toothless smirk she says "Smoke another one!"

Laughing, I told her I was sick. Chuckling, my wife told her that I has asthma and a cold and that I don't smoke. This woman didn't care what we had to say. She was dome chiming in her random diss at a total stranger. She just went to her checkout and bought her stuff. Natasha was pissed instantly. Me? It took me a few days to realize that this woman was a dumb fucking crack whore and that I should have slit her idiot white bitch whore throat.

With every passing day I lose more and more faith in mankind. It hurts. From my neighborhood to my work to the store to driving home, I'm constantly filled with people who are after me. I have almost no faith in mankind save for my daughters and my wife and maybe Marisa. Everyone else I'm unsure of, esepcially after a week of racist moms and bitches making fun of me at the supermarket and bums threatening to kill me when I go pee.

This is how people get that condition where they are afraid to leave their house. And that's really sad.

I fucking hate people.


Sorceress Jade said...

I couldn't agree more.

Btw, nice imagery = pissing dust

Anonymous said...

It's interesting that a close female friend of mine has for a long time used the similar phrase "I hate people". I've only recently appreciated this statement: for the last 35 years I've told myself that people are generally okay and that I need to understand and accept them because they have to put up with my existence. I reached this position because I know I'm human and I make mistakes and so I'd hope the next person would be as understanding. This is why I appreciate individuals like Ed Wood.

I've come to realise just how much of a target I've made myself in the process: most people can justify anything to themselves regardless of whether I'm as nice and understanding as possible. Being accepted is not the real game played in day to day environments (work; educational institutions). Making yourself essential and indisposable and competitive as possible in the group seems to be the game I've seen. And that includes putting down, isolating, and bullying people who are different. Trying to fit in through alturistic behaviour is even seen as competitive by these types of people.

I've seen this in my personal life, my work life, and in academia (name your institution; I've lost faith in it). Which leaves me in a dilemma: if the next person can justify screwing me over through these mechanisms, why do I even bother trying my alturistic approach?

My hope lays in the correctional karma of group politics: if someone screws me over, the community rubbing up against this same person also encounters the same friction and, in retribution, pegs them at their particular status through the limitation of opportunity. In other words, people will trap themselves in a download spiral of status isolation, and I should not replicate the negative behaviour because I'll end up trapping myself also.

Putting out understanding vibes remains a good rule to stick to, given the outcomes that result otherwise. I know this doesn't sound particularly alturistic anymore. Yes I'm disappointed in myself. What would Ed Wood think?

Feel happy in the knowledge that the beatch you encountered has been trapped at her particular socioeconomic status by being the crappy person she acts out. Now I'm sounding like an old-testament, vindictive, republican so I'll leave it at that (Is this the slow drift to the right I hear of that happens to people as they get older. Scary).