NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Monday, August 7, 2006

Day Off Random Schtuff ...

Day off today. I love my days off. Nice, mellow day with no work drama and no endless amount of impossible work to do. No Perry projects and no mountain of boxes to try and nativage through. Just me and the kids, the way it should be. Today already I woke up at eight, watched some cartoons, had some cereal, cuddled with Emerald, and got on the computer. Gonna wash some dishes and make me some coffee later. Nice and mellow. So here's a nice big post for you, some videos, some pictures, some free ass music. I love my day off mondays and I feel really sorry for all y'all that have to get in your soulless suit and drive to your boring fucking monday job. I'm secretly laughing at you.

Here's a picture of Isabela threatening Lance and Nikara's boy ...

I've been having these incredibly vivid and bizarre dreams recently. Usually I don't remember my dreams at all but the dreams I've been having recently I've been able to remember every minute detail. What's even more strange is that all of the dreams I've had have somehow revolved around Metrocenter Mall in Phoenix, Arizona. I had a dream where I was working at the mall and as I was walking a customer to her car, all the lights went off everywhere and there were these people chasing me, trying to kill me. Then there was a post-apocalyptic dream where I was living in the rubble of Metrocenter mall. Then I was homeless and walked to Metrocenter. It's strange.

I don't know why but Metrocenter Mall is haunting me.

That sink would freak the shit out of me.

Today Natasha and I are going to go enroll Emerald into Florin Christian School so that she can start going to school next month. God. Where does the time go? I remember when she could barely talk and she had her binky and she was so incredibly small. Now she's talking and playing video games and taking care of her Tamagotchi and she's going to start going to school. I feel proud and old at the same time. This parenting thing is hard as hell. I don't ever want to let go of my kids.

Here is one of my favorite, hardly ever remembered cartoon, the one and only Roger Ramjet ...

Emerald is here next to me looking at pictures on my iPod. I love my iPod. I've got 540 songs on it and about 50 pictures of Emerald and Isabela and my wife looking all sexy and a few pictures of Marisa, too. Going back to work after such an awesome vacation has been verrrrrrry hard for me, so I keep my iPod on me now so that if I need to I can steal me some glances at my awesome family and that makes me feel better when I catch Tyrone trying to steal a Tupac book and all nine siblings in the Chang family are running around kids destroying shit.

Here are two examples of how stupid American society is ...

Ok, you punks! I gave you all a three month break. More than enough time to recoup, I think. I'm sorry to have to do this to you but ...


COLERIDGE 4: Coleridge Goes to Oregon!

I know, I know. You all have missed Coleridge and his femi-daddy's exciting home movie adventures, but for those of you with memory problems, Coleridge is the makeup-wearing eunuch child whose home movies I stumbled onto a whole shitload of months ago. First he was part of my look at horrible YouTube home movies and then we looked at a day in the life of Coleridge and then Beautiful Coleridge reduced many people to tears and wet the panties of all the female Coleridge-heads out there.

Now, Coleridge (or, as I now call him, Cee-dawg) and femi-daddy are off to their most exotic location yet ... North Bend, Oregon! It's just like when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii. There they make pottery, play on a playground, and do NOT get mauled by wild animals at the zoo (much to my chagrin). Coleridge bounces in a bounce house and remains alive after repeatedly landing on his head. Then he shows off his utter inept suckiness at air hockey and goes to the beach where he destroys the natural ecosystem. The end is a pulse-pounding, hair-raising bird chasing scene that rivals that new Pirates movie in terms of pure suspense. The soundtrack is a Janes Addiction song which will now forever be ruined for you.

So strap on your seat belt and put on your eunuch safety helmet because

It's Cee-dawg time, y'all!

God I love Coleridge. I do. He's fucking awesome. I am such a huge Coleridge-head, it's fucking sick.

I want to party with Coleridge. I bet he's awesome at quarters. Can you imagine getting wasted with Coleridge? It would be like five hours of a bowl-haircutt-ed grinning makeup boy falling on his head over and over again. It would be hillarioso mucho. I'm going to work on that one.

Watching Maury right now, the greatest racist show on television apart from the 700 Club. Krystal is saying that Kidd be her babby's daddy cuz like he do this dance, right, and my babby, he do the sact same dance!!! The title of today's shoe is "I Prostituted ... Our 4 Children May Not Be Yours!"

God I love black people. Thank you for all the joy and laughter.

Once again, the Wind Clan brings music all the way up your ass, bitches!

Super Delux: Years Ago

Tom Petty: Big Weekend (off his new album)

Modest Mouse: Wild Pack of Family Dogs

The Dears: There Goes My Outfit

Cowboy Junkies: Sweet Jane

The Clash: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The Exchange: Put a Record On

my!gay!husband!: Hustlin vs Godzilla

Beastles: Mother Nature's Rump

David Bowie: Modern Love

Madvillain: Fancy Clown

Spinal Tap: Gimmie Some Money

The Stranglers: Golden Brown

MF Doom: Blunt Drunk

I am STILL looking for someone to loan me a computer microphone so that I can start my rap career. E-mail me at if you got one for me.

And buy my strange merchandise and bizarre shirts right here!


Anonymous said...

Coleridge goes to North Bend? That's like the Modesto of Oregon! Ugh. There's a bathroom and kitchen fixtures store near my apartment building that sells that exact sink. I like to show it to visitors! The store is all upscale and preppy, and I'll just march people in and ignore all of the predatory salespeople just to point out this weird sink. I saw a sign in the men's restroom in a mall here that was right above the baby-changing station that said: "Please do not leave baby unattended." Also, I'll try to remember to send you my PC mic if I can find it. Email your mailing address to

Gregorio said...

1. metrocenter is the fucking bomb, that is why you can't stop thinking about it.

2. coleridge can die. or at least go to wherever that goddam smart n final kid disappeared to.