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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Top 5 Best State Fair Concerts I've Ever Been To ...

5) Huey Lewis & the News
My first concert back in the eighties when they were important. To show how diverse my musical tastes were even back then, my second concert would be a young unknown band named Soundgarden opening up for Guns 'N' Roses. I remember very little about the concert except that they played all the songs they were supposed to play, there were a LAAAAAAARGE amount of middle aged white people falsely thinking that they could dance, and the fact that my long haired, angry, metal-loving older brother went with me automatically sucked all the fun out of the whole experience. Still, I saw Huey Lewis & the News in the eighties when they were worth two shits. And it was my cherry popping concert, too. Pretty awesome.

4) Stone Temple Pilots
Went with my happy-go-christian girlfriend and a severely square friend of mine from high school. I went to write about it for the school newspaper. I was supposed to write a straightforward review but I ended up getting stoned for the first time, entering a mosh pit, getting my face punched in, and getting saved from the mosh pit by a shirtless Cuckoo's Nest-looking indian guy. So I wrote an awesome little piece about modern music and my first (and last) mosh pit. Nice story. Cool concert. Would have ranked higher if it wasn't for the people I was with. You can't fully enjoy STP when your date is a horse-faced christian woman.

3) Soul Asylum
This is the sort of thing that we'd do all the time back in the 90s, be it me and Joey, me and Tom, me and Michelle or me and my brother. We'd do pointless shit for strange reasons and we'd always reap positive results. This concert is a fine example. My brother and I had nothing to do one day. I said, we could always go see Soul Asylum at the fair tonight. He said, but we don't LIKE Soul Asylum, to which I said, they DO sing that one song from the end credits of Clerks. So Joe and I ended up going to the state fair and sitting through an hour of a concert of a band we didn't even like just so we could hear that one song. That was fun as hell. And believe me when I say that when that damn song came on Joe and I stood up and yelled and screamed and rocked out like we were both six and playing invisible rock band in our bedrooms. Joe and I had fun, which meant more to me than the concert or the band, which makes this concert so damn special to me. Would have ranked higher if I actually gave a rat's ass about Soul Asylum beyond the song from Clerks.

2) Los Lonely Boys
The first concert my family, MY (!!!) FAMILY, ever went to together. Me, my wife, three-year-old Emerald and an unnamed fetus in my wife's belly. We sat on the lawn next to the big lake and listened to an incredibly mellow set of music from some long haired mexicans and we had a blast. I had a beer I was drinking. Natasha had fair food. Emerald danced. She still says to this day that her favorite band is, in Emerald-ese, "Los Lowzlee Boys" and every time I hear their music I think of Emerald doing ballet under a beautiful summer night sky with a radiant pregnant beauty right beside me. A perfect end to a perfect day. So why is this not number one? Because of The Whistler. Almost every concert has The Whistler nowadays, the drunk white guy who can do that annoying whistle thing with his fingers and feels the need to do it nonstop through the entire concert. Yeah. The Whistler was drunk and sitting a few people away from us. My wife was ready to strangle that Dale Earnhart-loving redneck assball. His nonstop whistling ruined what could have been a perfect state fair experience. If I see him I'll kill him, no doubt. God I hate white people sometimes.

1) Hanson
OH MY CHRIST Debby wanted to kill me! Damn that was awesome as hell. I went into that concert with the exact same mindframe that twentysomethings have when they buy their tickets to SoaP. See, the Arizona State newspaper was giving away two free admission tickets to the fair and two front row seats to that night's concert. There were five concerts they were doing this for ... hip concert, hip concert, oldies concert, rap concert, and Hanson. I figured that, seeing as these tickets were being given away to Arizona State University, the drunk bitch and date raping upper class asshole party capital of the world, my chances were best for the Hanson tickets. And not only did I win the fair passes and the front row Hanson tickets but out of the whole college I was the only one that had the testicular fortitude to try and win them. My girlfriend freaked out, my pierced pot-smoking high maintenance girlfriend freaked, no way she's be seen front row at a Hanson concert. This led to a nasty argument which ended in my favor with one concession. She's go with me but we wouldn't use the front row seats. She was so angry. I marked out, too, just like Snakes on a Plane, screaming HANSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! YEAH!!! screaming and jumping up and down, pissing Debby off hardcore. We stayed for about 45 minutes, as long as we could stand. But as much as she was pissed, once we went outside and lit up, we were both laughing like mad. We saw fuckin' Hanson in concert That's fucking awesome.

1 comment:

Gregorio said...

my first concert was alice cooper at the state fair... that show kicked so much ass -- he even cut his own fucking head off!