Not that I'm bitter or anything.
I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with my time. I feel like I should do something with my time, you know? I might make a super vhs tape of ESPN's now cancelled "Cheap Seats" but without all the annoying sports commercials. Then there was some talk just a while ago about going over to Gwen's tomorrow and helping her clean. Not my idea of a fun day but at least it'll get us out of the house for a while. Marisa was going to call me if she needed a ride to her physical therapy appointment today. I haven't heard from her yet which probably means she has a ride. That sucks. I was looking forward to maybe spending some time with her beyond taking her to work.
I don't want to say that my wife and I are having troubles.
Because we're not. We're fine together.
It's just that, I don't know how to explain it. There's this wall between us. I don't know where it came from or how long its been there. But its there, this big wall that's separating us. We're not the same with each other anymore. There's something between us. We're both not at our best. Natasha's still suffering from extreme bouts of postpartum depression from Isabela being born and I'm on anidepression pills and I'm exhausted all the time from busting my ass at work and then my body is in constant pain because I'm suffering from what feel like a million different ailments.
And I'm losing weight. I was 153 pounds three weeks ago when I went to the doctor's. A week before that I was 159. Now I'm 143 lbs. That's over 15 pounds in a month. That's bad.
I don't think we're growing apart. I hope not. It's just there's something missing and I don't know what it is. At times there's just so much silence between us that it frightens me. We're a million miles away in the same room sometimes and I don't know what to do.
Anyway, here's some music for your punk ass ...