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Monday, August 27, 2007

Natasha and Steve's Drunk State Fair Adventure ...

... yesterday Emerald and Isabela went to church and spent the rest of the day playing next door with nana and papa. So my wife and I decided to take this rare day away from the kids to do something together as a married couple.

And by "something together" I mean sneak a shitload of beers into the California State Fair and drink all day like crazy mofos.

Here's me with Dippin' Dots and the awesome button I bought at the Republican booth and that drunken grin that I get when I'm really wasted ...

Here's my wife at the awesome mexican cantina they have there. Notice the "suspicious" brown liquid we snuck in from home in the yellow icee cup ...

Here's a picture I sneak took of the beautiful forelorn looking teenage girl at the beverage booth that I fell in love with ...

Here's a picture of the world's worst puppet show ...

Sometime during our mad drunk quest to see all the exhibits that we never get to see because of the two screaming kids we are usually anchored with, my wife and I passed Smokey the Bear's fire prevention park or the Smokey fire safety forest or something to that effect. A fake park ranger located in the front of the mini-camp told us upon our entry that if we got all the boxes stamped on our fire safety map we would get a free Smokey the bear bandanna.

And in our mad happy drunken hazy state we made it our life's FUCKING mission (!!!) to get us each a goddamn bandanna, no matter how many innocents we had to kill, how many virgins we had to rape and then gut, no matter how many babies we had to sacrifice to Gorto the Demon God and no matter how many crappy fire safety lessons we had to sit through.

Come hell or high water we would HAVE a Smokey fucking bandanna!

So my wife and I giggled and stumbled our way through some truly sorry ass safety lessons for kids, with the skinny mexican doing the majority of the giggling. It was tough and we got some strange and truly mean stares from the yuppie bastards that were populating the fair that day. Eventually, a lot longer than I thought it would take, we got every box but one stamped and finished our fire safety maps off with the Smokey the Bear nature walk.

Our nature ranger was a kid named Miguel Aguilar. He tried to seriously teach me and my wife about camping safety and respecting nature. But he wasn't that great at it. He stumbled on his lines, he said "like" a lot, he was quiet and nervous and I even heard him use the phrase "there's like hella trash" with us. It was all a bit ghetto and I laughed, straight up loud ass in Miguel's face type laughter, through literally half of the nature walk.

But I fell in love with Miguel, despite his faults. To me he was the young mexican Ed Wood of nature safety walks. And if it wasn't for Miguel, my wife and I wouldn't have gotten our official Smokey the Bear bandannas.

Thank you, Miguel ...

A fun time was had by all. We consumed nine beers between the two of us. We laughed at parents stuck with four kids riding crappy little kiddie rides all day. We checked out awesome sweaty fair boobs. We rocked the county exhibits with all the drunken intensity of two shirtless tweaker rednecks at a free Ozzfest. I made a few scenes while yelling at my favorite counties. ("Hell yeah, fuckin' BUTTE!!!") It was awesome.

Drunk fair rocks.

And so does my awesome new bandanna.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Me and Miguel are friends.
Seriously, he is like my best friend ever!!

I love Miguel.