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Sunday, September 2, 2007

Somehow I Blame Greg ...

... Emerald and I are the only ones awake right now. Emerald's drawing and playing games with me while I catch up on my reading and my writing and my general procrastinating. My wife and youngest daughter are asleep on the couch so I have my iPod's "mellow" playlist on. A lot of soft Beatles tunes and Jim's Big Ego and some mellow rap songs and a dash of the Gothic Archies. Natasha loves my mellow playlist. I hope it's helping her get some rest.

We were going to go to the fair today but half of the family is out like a light. So I guess that's not happening. We're mos def going tomorrow to see "Weird Al" and I'm psyched about that. This will be my fourth times seeing him live. He's amazing live. The hilarious little original video pieces that he shows between numbers is what makes him so awesome live. If anybody wants to meet up there (Jesse, John, Gwen, Risa, etc.) then just let us know.

I've been a bit melancholy lately.

I know I shouldn't be. I'm happy with life. Things are finally going places for me. My storytimes, which I've been doing at the same time twice a week for over four years now, are finally starting to make waves and get some recognition. I'm constantly getting calls and e-mails at work from schools and organizations wanting me to make an appearance and do a storytime for them. There's a private school I'm doing this friday and then some library downtown requested an appearance from Pirate Steve later this month which I'm flattered by. I did a school appearance about two weeks ago and then a week before that I did storytime at Arden Mall in front of about a hundred kids. And of course my Captain Book plays every month are a HUGE success! You add all that with the storytimes I'll be doing for California Family Fitness in exchange for a free year family membership to their amazing two-story gyms and it looks like me and my storytimes are finally going places.

And then you add all that with the amazing family that I have, my incredible wife and my two amazing daughters, the great and constant sex my wife and I have been having and the documentary I might be in and things are looking up. Things really are looking up for me.

But I miss something. There's something missing and I don't know what it is. I'm thirty years old with a wife and two kids but there's something wrong and I have no idea what that is. There's a part of me that wishes I were still the guy I was five years ago, angry and single and careless and drunk, spending every night staying out until two or three in the morning, getting drunk and getting high and hooking up and fucking and fighting and screaming and partying every goddamn night. That Steve didn't care about anything or anyone but himself and he had a ton of friends and he went to parties and went to the movies and had money to spend on himself. I miss that me. And there's a small part of me that misses having a ton of friends and having a bar to go to where people knew my name and stupid shit like that.

There's a part of me that wishes that I still had that. But if I had that, then I wouldn't have my amazing wife and my two amazing daughters, whom I wouldn't trade for the world.


Greg is my old school Arizona friend. We both went to the same catholic school together, then he went to Tucson and I stayed in Phoenix. Now he's in L.A. and I'm in Sacramento. I visit his blog a lot. My wife and I are both big fans of his site. And we're both proud of how much Greg has his life in order. He's happy and peaceful and he knows what he wants to do with his life and he's doing that.

His site is a constant source of discussion between Natasha and I. She asks me what I want to be doing with my life. I usually answer something along the lines of "I want to entertain children, read stories with them, play with them, write plays and act." This usually leads us into the "Then you should quit the bookstore" conversation. Then I get depressed. I've worked my ass off for almost seven years and now FINALLY things are happening for me.

I see Greg's blog and I wish I had the courage to do what he's done, to quit my job and follow my dreams. But my job has facilitated me getting this far in the achievements of my dreams. My job, so far, has been vital in my success. I can't just quit.

See? It's Greg's fault. How dare you have your shit together? How dare you live life to the fullest pursuit of your dreams?

Damn you, Greg!


johnmc. said...

Patrick and I will be there, barring emergencies. I have extended the invite to Marisa since she expressed an interest in going to the fair, but walking is a miserable experience for her these days and she's all hopped up n Vicodin anyway.

Reverend Steve said...

I think there was a birthday party for Marisa thrown by the people at my work. And I think I wasn't invited.

I mean, I know I don't go to any of their "game nights" or "movie nights" but that's because I have a wife and two kids. But I would have definitely gone to a birthday party for Marisa.

Whatever. I'm going to bed.

Anonymous said...

I'll be there. Call me to meetup or something, I don't gots yo digits. I sent you an email with mine.

Reverend Steve said...


I totally missed yous. I'm sorry I missed yous.

But I had the COOLEST night of my LIFE!

I'll post about it as soon as I sober up.

Which should be in a day or two.

Anonymous said...

Damnit Jesse. That is ok though. We had fun. Steve a lot more than the rest of us, thanks to my good karma and getting the VIP special ticket.

As soon as we can we will have you over Jesse, beers and maybe a movie.

johnmc. said...

It kicked ass! I had way more fun this time round. Thanks guys. Tomorrow, I collapse at work from exhaustion.

Gregorio said...

As flattered as I am to be taking this particular kind of blame... and I am... don't look past all the amazingness of your life, dude. I can't tell you how many times I've told friends about you and been like, "Yeah, that's my friend Steve - he founded his OWN FUCKING RELIGION."

The shit that you do is just as amazing as anything I've ever done. I mean, just reading this blog before I got to the face full of blame, hearing you talk about how storytime is picking up and you're getting calls, I was actually thinking, "Man, I wish I was getting calls for work right now."

You are creating your own business... it's only a matter of time before you CAN quit the store and do your own thing.

As much as I seem put together, and I kind of am, there's still so much work for me to do... shit, I ain't got a girl, I ain't got a job... I _am_ happy... but my point is, don't look past all the shit _you've_ done.

It equally blows my mind.