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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Just A List A Stuff ...

-I'm alive.

-I'm sorry for hardly posting but A) we don't have a computer anymore that works worth a damn and B) I'm trying to get my brain to work better so that I don't hate myself all the time.

-I'm having panic attacks and my whole body is sore and I'm having some super serious problems with my fingers, with moving them and grabbing things. It might be the beginnings of arthritis or it might just be, to quote my doctor, that I am "overusing my hands and need to take it easy on them." How the fuck am I supposed to not use my hands, huh? Outsource my masturbating to Mexico?

-I went out a few saturdays ago with a lady friend. We had a really nice dinner, complimented by drinks and excellent conversation and free movie popcorn. I must have talked for four hours straight. It wasn't a date but for a few fleeting seconds it felt like one and that made me feel a million times better. Thank you so very much.

-Still broke as hell but expecting a HUGE tax check any day now. Plus we got our STATE tax refund back. Not millions, but enough to tide us over. Chicken and beer money, as my brother would say.

-I've been starving myself these past few weeks. I have an eating disorder where I don't want to eat. Ever. I convince myself we don't have the money or we can't afford it or that we can afford SOME food but I don't eat to save it for the kids. It's dangerous but I've found myself going a whole day eating only a few cookies and maybe a bit of popcorn. I know its bad and I'm trying to change it.

-I saw the Brian DePalma schlock-fest Phantom of the Paradise for the second time the other day. And it wasn't as bad as I had remembered. Maybe that's because the last time I saw it was at the ostentatious Trash Film Orgy and therefore was surrounded by drunk stoned twentysomethings yelling nonsense at the screen. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't GOOD but it wasn't shit either.

-This wednesday I'm going to do something. I cannot say what it is, nor can I really mention it to hardly anyone and I DEFINITELY cannot mention it here. But I can say that I'm both nervous and frightened and embarassed and excited and then also guilty over my excitement. I'm also worried that this will be a slippery slope in the same way pot is called a gateway drug. I'm worried i'll do this thing wednesday and have an INCREDIBLE TIME but that will just lead to bigger and bigger things and then the next thing you know I have this dark and vicious mind. But I KNOW these fears will in no way stop me from experiencing what might be a rare and incredible experience.

-I'm turning 31 on March 22nd.

-Emerald, my six year old, is the student of the month for February at her school and we at the Galindo house are all incredibly proud of her for that.

-When I was a senior in high school I was student of the month in February, too. And when I was our store's first ever employee of the month last year, guess what month that was? How creepy is that? Me and Emerald are somehow bound by the month of February. Strange stuff.

-Now if only Emerald would stop crawling into my bed at 4am and accidentally rubbing up against my Marisa Johnson.

-I just used a friend's name as a euphamism for my junk. That's so damn horrible it's awesome.

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