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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Emergency Medical Leg Slashing ...

Yes. The title is right. My emergency medical leg slashing. This post is all about my emergency medical leg slashing. I totally got my leg cut the fuck open yesterday and now I'm off work for I don't know how long. Can you believe that?

This is the true story of my leg "surgery." I put surgery in quotes because it was less a surgery and more a doctor repeatedly stabbing the hell out of my leg with various sharp instruments and then inserting something strange in me. It might get pretty graphic and there are a few pictures that I will share later that contain a lot of my blood.

So consider this a formal warning. Things might get a little graphic around here.

Also, since I couldn't really SEE most of what happened, my wife Natasha will be guest starring on this post to better explain the logistics of me getting sliced and stabbed.

So, here we go.

At work on Sunday I started to have a slight pain on the back of my right thigh. It hurt like an itch, a small little pinch or something. I showed it to my wife because it was right behind my leg where I couldn't see it, and she said it wasn't anything, maybe a bite or something, maybe a pimple, nothing to worry about.

So on Monday I went to work. And I was on fire on Monday, walking around, almost running from ringing up at the registers to greeting and helping people on the floor to answering phones at the info desk to going into receiving and getting books to shelve to kids to help people in my department and zoning and a million other things. That's something I wish management would realize. I'm not only good at my job in my department but I'm also good at a hundred other jobs all over the store.

Anyway, all that walking really made my leg painful. It started off small and then by the time I was driving home I was near tears. I came home and almost immediately after walking thru the door I pulled my pants down to show my wife whatever was there. I couldn't see it but I knew it hurt like ten bitches in a bitch boat. And apparently it was bad because my wife called her mom over and they argued over what it was. My mother-in-law the doctor hater said it was nothing but a boil and that I shouldn't worry. My wife said that it was probably an infection and that it might become something serious and that we should rush to urgent care.

Eventually we called a nurse advice line and they said that it sounded like a pretty serious infection and that I should have been seen that day but since it was late when we called that I should go to the doctor first thing in the morning. Which is what we did.

AND NOW, my voluptuous wife Natasha will be taking over to explain what happened ...

Hello everyone. It's Natasha. I am drinking coffee and trying to figure out where to start. I am aware that he already warned you, but this is gonna get graphic.

So we get him to the doctor, the nurse has him strip down half naked and put on one of those gowns to cover his man bits. Well I sat there reading an article in MedMD magazine about vagina's when the doctor came in and had a look at Steve's leg.
I told him that we thought it could have been a boil or some sort of ingrown hair gone wrong (infected).

He said yes, it was an infection (which we already knew) and that there seems to be a "head" to it and may be puss underneath. He felt the area and saw how tight it was and how badly even the slightest touch hurt my husband. He said chances are it could be a clogged follicle that had gotten infected. He said that we had two options. We could go home and let him rest up with hot wet compress' on his leg until it comes to furition and starts draining on its own, which could take a long time, forcing Steve to be in even more pain because the skin would tighten even more and get even more sensitive, not to mention that there was a good chance that he would endure further, deeper infection in his leg.

OR we could have him (the doctor) numb up the area and open it up and drain it here in the office which would relieve a lot of the pressure and tightness and he would feel better immediately, which is what the doctor suggested.

So I left it up to Steve. Now had we known NOW what we know, he may have decided to just go home with hot a hot compress.

Well The doctor says ok we will get this taken care of and then we ask him about a couple other things real quick then he is off. He comes back with the proper surgical tools and a needle full of his choice of novicane. He then unwraps everything, then tells Steve, ok now this is going to pinch a bit, the medicine burns a little bit going in too.

Now let me tell you, Steve was thinking he would get one shot of medicine and everything would be fine.
This mo' fo' stuck my husband well over 20+ times! He ran out of medicine and had to go get a NEW needleful.

After torturing my husband with the medicine for a good 10 min, he lets him sit to numb up. That is when I took this photo of his leg. Mind you this blood is not all the blood that had dripped cause the doctor had wiped some away.

Ok so after sitting for a little while the doctor comes in and feels around on his leg a bit to find a good spot. Then he takes the scalpel and does a small gentle slice then immediately stabs deep into his leg. No joke people, STABBED my husband with the scalpel. It was awesome and disgusting at the same time. I wouldn't have cared if it wasn't my husband but since it was I kinda flinched when I saw the blood gush out as soon as he stabbed deep inside his thigh.

After he did this he set down the scalpel and began to squeeze the wound like it was a pimple. He squeezed and the blood gushed out onto the gauze he was holding getting all over Steve's legs and the doctors hands. Then not too long after he started squeezing a little puss came out, looked like the stuff that comes out of a pimple too! It was kinda creepy.

He takes a culture of the puss and sets it aside then begins squeezing some more, only more blood. He decides to pick up the scalpel again to cut and stab deep into my husbands thigh, yet again, opening up the incision even more. More blood oozing out.
While he did this my husband was in extreme pain. When the doctor numbed him, he didn't go deep enough to numb it all up. So he was biting his hand.

After not getting much more but blood out of his thigh he takes the small surgical scissors, stabs those deep into his leg and moves them around telling me "There could be a pocket of puss that needs to be opened up or that the puss may not have been completely formed yet." He moves them around, opens them up, cuts around a little bit then takes them out. After squeezing some more and not getting anything, he takes them once more, stabs them deep into the incision again, moving them around and cutting again.

Now do you remember when I told you that he didn't numb my husband all the way through? Well by this time he has bit into his hand hard enough to, almost, break the skin. He felt the doctor stab into his leg repeatedly with a scalpel and surgical scissors, then cut around. I have had two c-sections but of course couldn't feel anything but pressure. If I were my husband I would have kicked the doctor in his face and told him to numb me up more! It had to hurt so bad!

Ok at this time he squeezes more then a good amount of puss comes out, looked like a HUGE pimple and he wiped it away with the gauze. Then after a little more squeezing he determined that the puss needed more time to form.

It was at this point the doctor took a long piece of surgical fabric, kinda like a string, and said "I'm going to put this in, like a wick, to help the puss drain as it form."
So he stabbed this tampon string as far as he could into the back of my husband's thigh. He told me that it didn't go deep enough so it may end up falling out but that would be ok.

Then after my husband's legs were covered in blood, inner thighs had blood pooled on them (he had to lay on his left side for all of this) the doctor says, see you back in two days for this and the nurse will bandage you up.

So I told Steve that the nurse should clean him up not to worry about the blood. Well, the bitch didn't, I had to do it when I changed the dressing. I have to change it every time it bleeds through. I have only had to change it twice so far and the wick/tampon string is still in his leg! That is how good I am.

So here is a picture of the surgical tools and some of the bloody gauze pads as well as his thigh with the sting hanging from the incision.

If you look close you can see the large amounts of blood covering the inside of his thighs. and the blood that is all dried on and near the wound. That large trail of "blood" is actually the bloody string hanging out of the incision.

I will leave this blog back to my husband now. I am going to change his bandages now and I am going to take a picture of his incision so you can see how bruised it is from all the needle, scalpel, and scissors stabbing that occurred.

Heres Steve, it was a pleasure writing for you.

P.S. I never got to finish that article on vagina's either.

I'm back.

My wife just took the dressing off and the wick thing had fallen out. The wick was a whole lot LOOOOOONGER than I expected. It was infinitely gross. PLUS now there's this seemingly unending bloody hole in my leg which makes it impossible for me to walk, hence the crutches.

Here are some SUPER gross pics for your punk asses, courtesy of the bloody ass Wind Clan ...

She then SQUEEZED my bloody leg hole to try and fish out some of that dangerous puss. It hurt more than anything ever hurt before. The screams I screamed into that pillow where the screams of ultimate pain.

Well, that's my story. It's probably too long but I don't really care. I'm on crutches now. I can barely walk. It's pretty lame.

I go back tomorrow morning to get my thigh re-checked. Natasha thinks he might want to cut it up some more. God, I hope not.

Anyway, wish me luck.


Anonymous said...

Of course, I'm very sorry that happened to you Rev, but those pictures are pretty cool. I award Steve Galindo 5 man stars for sucking up the pain without novacaine.

Ask Tasha to steal that magazine when you go back tomorrow. I've always been a big fan of vagina and would like to keep up on all the vagina news.

The Bunster!

Anonymous said...

Damn, Steve. Maybe I'm missing something, but when I had that lovely infected lump-thing under my arm, the doctor first gave me antibiotics and told me to do the hot wet compress first, and that he'd only cut it open if it didn't help.

I will say it felt immediately better once the hot wet cloth was on it.

I'm just shocked he urged you to agree to slicing the shit out of your leg as the ideal option.

Take care.