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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Random Thoughts On A Lonely Sunday Night ...

-Right now the kids are snoring loudly in separate sides of the house. Emerald complains that she doesn't want to go to sleep but knocks out easily in just a few minutes. Bela's more like me. She's not comfortable sleeping until she's 100% wiped out, so she tries to stay up and eventually just knocks out with me on the couch. There's silence, occasionally broken up by sunday night cartoons which just don't seem that funny tonight, probably because I'm alone.

- Sundays on television are all about Fox animation, about Simpsons and Family Guy and all the rest. And the remaining 22 hours are usually comprised with whatever I can do to waste time between waking up and watching amazing cartoons. I feel a bit immature saying that, especially since as I write this I am wearing full body footsie pajamas, but sundays are usually all about cartoons for me.

-Television isn't television without my usual television companion sitting next to me. The shows aren't as funny without her near me. Watching tv without her next to me feels like I'm doing something wrong.

-I LOVE my full body footsie pajamas! Apparently I fit into kids XL. They're red and have flying robots all over them. See, Work Steve has his suit and tie and even a dapper hat. Home Steve has full body footsie pajamas and he LOVES THEM!

-I'm taking a vacation next month for a few days RIGHT BEFORE work gets crazy. it will be my first REAL vacation in a long time, probably since Isabela has been born. natasha and a work friend are going to a big "mixer." There are mixers all the time all over the place and usually my wife goes to the ones around here. But there's one coming up in Vegas and I, the only member of the Wind Clan After Work Pinball Krew, have been DYING to go to the Pinball Hall of Fame and spend a day there, just me and the pinball machines. And it looks like in a few weeks I'll get my wish. I MIGHT get my wish. Maybe. It'll be hard, especially since I'm over five months sober. And not to mention the fact that i'll be going to the city of sin with two of the sexiest sinners there are. I'm nervous and excited and frightened. I'm also seriously geeking out inside. I hope this isn't just bullshit talk. i hope it actually happens. I've been through a million tons of shit this past year. I need me time.

-I'm trying to be more honest and open with people. I'm trying to open myself up more emotionally in the hopes that it will make these bad feelings I have go away. I don't have to worry about being more open and honest here on my blog. I'm as open as I want here. Watch this ... Hi. I'm Steve. I'm 31 years old. I weight 160lbs. I'm asthmatic. I sometimes cut myself as a cry for help. I have a dangerously low self esteem. I am manic depressive and possibly bipolar. My doctor says I need therapy. I probably do.

-I'm itchy. I hope to GAWD I'm not getting hives again. I still have nightmares about that. I'm just worried. My life is changing so much and so fast. There are things I've gotten almost used to that I shouldn't be used to. My life is total chaos. I want to get it together. I want to know what I want. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else but it makes sense to me.

-I miss Michael Burns.

Well, that's about it, I guess. Getting tired. have to wake up early to get Emerald ready for school. Yeah, no rest for the reverend. Here's some free music your way. Wind clan out ...

Perry Como: And I Love You So

Mr. Big: To Be With You

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Slow Cheetah

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

When you go from work to home day after day you absolutely need to find something for in between. you have pinball and I applaud that. Good for you, Reverend. And do i smell a Vegas threesome in store for his holiness? Good for you.

A fan.