NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Friday, January 30, 2009

Washing Cats Is Fun Galore ...


-Washing animals is fun. It makes them both cuddly and pissed. Fun times.

-So incredibly broke that I had to pretty much BEG my parents for money. Ashamed of that. But at least we finally have $$ for food. We've been so broke that I vaguely remember what food used to be.

-Did a big storytime for Emerald's whole school. Exciting, nervous, crazy Jesus-loving fun ...

... but more on that some other time.

Wilco: Jesus Ect.

-Been cutting more often lately. Vaguely ashamed of that.

-I'm also ashamed of how much nobody notices them, the big scars on my hands and arms and wrists. Either no one sees them or no one seems to care.

-Wet cats kinda look like Yoda ...

-Big shake up in my department at work. I now have a co-children's lead that was chosen for me. I wish that I was part of that process, seeing as it's MY department. But I'll live.

-I can't believe Matt Hardy turned on his brother Jeff! I mean, I knew it was coming, but I still couldn't believe it when I finally saw it. Incredible.

-The evil and sinister Dr. Borderz returns to storytime tomorrow to reek his evil vengeance. Hopefully I'll have pictures.

-Aren't my girls beautiful ...

... they're slowly turning into damn gorgeous women. And I am so proud.

Well, that's that. Post #991. Talk to you later ...

Monday, January 26, 2009

My Day With Isabela ...

I have the day off today. No work. That's nice. We're cleaning the whole store. Snapback is what they call it. And all the cleaning and dusting is driving me crazy. I can barely breathe in there. So it's nice to be able to breathe today.

There's been something wrong with me lately. I'm tired all the time and coffee gets me jittery but doesn't help with the whole tired thing. I'm losing my energy. It's not fun.

I just thought I'd write a bit here.

I want to write a book. I really do. Something big and long and personal. But I don't know what to write about. I could write about my life here in Sacramento and my move from Arizona to California. I've filled seven massive books with diary entries. I could transfed that into some sort of novel. But I just don't know. My life back then was so drunk and my life right now is so scandalous and dark and personal. There's some bad things in those diaries, stuff I don't think I could share.

I just don't know what I should write, if anything. I feel like I have all this creative energy inside me and it's just busting at the seams to try and get out. I just don't know what to do.

I'm spending the day with Isabela. She's a sweetheart. She really is. It's just that she wants to always have her way. She gets that from Natasha. She looks like me and acts like my wife. That's a dangerous combination. But today has been fun. After a morning of playing and cuddling she's now having some cheese and watching nonstop Pokemon. Relaxing, I guess. I just have cabin fever. I want out, you know?

I have free movie passes. And every monday I say that I'm going to go off on my own and treat myself to a movie. But there's nothing I want to go see. Gran Torino? Eh. Maybe. The Wrestler? I like wrestling, but I don't want to get depressed. That movie will depress me. I kinda want to watch My Bloody Valentine. I have horror movies and I'm easily frightened. But I think the shitty Ed Wood factor would make it fun.

I think I'm in a rut. I'm almost 32 years old. I never thought I would live this long. I never thought I'd have a house and a car and kids. I never thought I would be here, living in California and working and wearing a suit and a tie. I NEVER thought I would have this life.

It's like the song from Aimee Mann 31 Today when it says "I thought my life would be different by now. I thought my life would be better somehow." That's about it. I'm happy where I am. I love my kids and my house and my storytimes and everything. Things are good. I just have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this is my life, the life of a dad and a respectable adult.

I really hope I go to Spain. I've never been across the pond, so this would be a first, a once in a lifetime event. I hope it happens. I really want to go.

Here's some more relaxing lounge music for your punk ass ...

Stan Getz: Desafinado

Desi Arnaz: Tico Tico

Yma Sumac: Gopher

Harry Connick Jr: A Wink And A Smile

PJ Harvey: The Wind

Andrew Bird: Tenuousness

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from Wikipedia:

"Police Story 3: Supercop (traditional Chinese: 警察故事3超級警察; Cantonese Yale: Jing cha gu shi III: Chao ji jing cha), is a 1992 Hong Kong action-comedy film starring Jackie Chan and Michelle Yeoh. Jackie reprises his "Kevin" Chan Ka-Kui character, a Hong Kong cop from Police Story and Police Story 2. It is the first in the series not to be directed by Jackie, with Stanley Tong taking over the helm. It is also the last appearance in the series for Maggie Cheung as Jackie's girlfriend, May.

After the North American success of Rumble in the Bronx, Police Story 3 was released in North America on July 25, 1996 under the shorter title, Supercop. Opening at 1,406 theatres, it grossed US $5,503,176 ($3,914 per screen), on its way to a total gross of US $16,270,600. Among the changes was a musical score of hip hop sounds. Tom Jones' rendition of "Kung Fu Fighting" plays over the end credits, followed by a song specially written and performed for the film by the band Devo."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

TON of Coffee
Root Beer
Super Chocolatey Ice Cream

And, because it's a Jackie Chan film, here's the end credit blooper reels ...

Hopefully I'll make it thru today's Church-less movie of the week. I haven't been getting that much sleep for the past few weeks and apparently yesterday and today it's been biting me in the ass. I'm so damn tired. That's why the TON of coffee is on my snacks list. Well see ...

Peace out.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Sitting At A Cafe Wearing Sunglasses ...

Guess where I might be going in September?

A film festival in Barcelona, Spain wants to fly me there so that I can give a lecture about Ed Wood and his importance. Their film festival is coinciding with the fiftieth anniversary of Ed Wood's Plan 9 from Outer Space and there's going to be a museum of Ed Wood memorabilia on display there and, hopefully, me as the keynote speaker.

Me? And Natasha? Traveling to SPAIN?

Shit, bitch, it's a big trip if I go to motherfucking Walmart! I don't travel. Period. The farthest I ever traveled is New York City and that was when I was a youngling. I don't travel. At all.

Me going to Spain?

I'm trying not to get my hopes up. So me and Spain? Right now that's just a silly pipe dream. See, for better or worse my mother and father taught me since I was a young kid to always expect the worse in everything that I did. I always expected failure. That way, when I had even the smallest of wins, it was a bigger win for me because I was prepared for hell. So I don't want to get my hopes up, like when that documentary company in Bulgaria said they were going to interview me and it went bust. I don't want to get burned again like that again and get all excited for nothing.

But in my mind I'm sitting outside at a cafe overlooking some river and some guitar is playing. And I'm wearing sunglasses and drinking. And my wife is there looking all sexy. And we're not talking. We're looking at each other and smiling.

That's my dream.

Various Random Whatnots ...

This is NOT my daughter! This is one of my storytime girls, a very special one at that. Lele started coming to my storytimes at work when she was about eight months old. Now she's starting kindergarten and her little sister, about the same age that Lele was when she started coming to storytime, is now coming to see me pretty much every tuesday. So, to repeat, this is NOT a picture of my daughter. It's a picture of Lele's sister Alexis. How amazing is that storytime story, huh? That's some touching circle of life shit right there.

I took this picture a few days ago. This sign was in front of a Pakistani market. I've never seen Nazism look so festive before.

Actually ... nevermind. I HAVE seen Nazism look more festive ...

Isabela is the queen of the frogs.

This is NOT a picture of me wearing a giant mouse's head. This is a rare picture of a North American Hmong eating in the wild. It is a rare thing to get a picture of one of these noble creatures eating.

This is a picture of the amazing sign in front of Mr. Lucky's, a Phoenix-area party bar-turned-sports bar-turned-redneck bar-turned-cowboy rodeo bar with animals in the back-turned-wetback music bar-turned-empty lot. This sign has always been visually amazing, though, a rare sort of architecture you don't see everywhere. Seeing this picture really makes me miss Arizona.

Yesterday I was alone with the kids for a huge chunk of the day. And it was such an unseasonably warm January that we went outside and played for about two and a half hours. It was great. The kids were content with just scooting around in circles in our various forms of child transportation, but I remember having such a huge imagination when I was a child playing alone in the backyard. So the kids and I created a big town. There was an imaginary bookstore, an imaginary mall, an imaginary restaurant ...

... and an imaginary police station ...

... and it was a whole bunch of fun. Now yesterday seems to be repeating itself. Natasha is marching downtown with blacks. She's representing H and R Block, where her parents work. I told Natasha that she should wear a shawl to cover her hair so that all the blacks don't see the knockout combination of big ass and blond hair and all start raping the shit out of her. But that's racist of me. She's marching and I'm stuck with the three kids. Bela is watching Clifford, Em is playing her DS, and Double D is reading Secret Invasion. I think yesterday was a play day and today will just be a chill day.

That's just fine with me.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from Wikipedia ...

"House of Wax is a 1953 American horror film starring Vincent Price. It is a remake of 1933's Mystery of the Wax Museum without the comic relief featured in the earlier film, and was directed by André De Toth. The 1953 House of Wax was an early example of the 3-D film craze of the early 1950s. House of Wax, originally titled The Wax Works, was Warner Bros. answer to the 3-D hit Bwana Devil, which had been released the previous November. Seeing something big in 3-D's future, WB contracted the same company, Natural Vision, run by the Gunzberg Brothers, Julian and Milton, to shoot the new feature. The film is ultimately a remake of the studio's 1933 film, The Mystery of the Wax Museum, which in itself was written and based on Charles Belden's three-act play, The Wax Works.

Among the scenes featured in the film that make the best use of 3-D are a museum fire, a paddle ball man, and can-can girls. Ironically, the director De Toth was blind in one eye, and unable to experience stereo vision or the 3-D effects. “It’s one of the great Hollywood stories,” Price recalled. “When they wanted a director for [a 3-D] film, they hired a man who couldn’t see 3-D at all! Andre de Toth was a very good director, but he really was the wrong director for 3-D. He’d go to the rushes and say, ‘Why is everybody so excited about this?’ It didn’t mean anything to him. But he made a good picture, a good thriller. He was largely responsible for the success of the picture. The 3-D tricks just happened—there weren’t a lot of them. Later on, they threw everything at everybody.”

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Vanilla Ice Cream
Root Beer
The Aftertaste Of The Breathing Machine Which Ruins The Taste Of EVERYTHING

I am excited about my movie choice today. You see, back when I was a child the American Movie Classics cable channel actually showed MOVIE CLASSICS! And every saturday night and sunday morning they usually showed the old horror films. Classic Universal and Hammer horror films interspersed with a few fifties and sixties cheesy ones. It was a great way for a young person like myself to grow up, surrounded by Frankenstein and Dracula. This film was one of my favorites back then but I don't think I've actually sat down and seen my old VHS copy since maybe high school.

Here's video from the 1953 premiere. The premiere features appearances by non-cast members Bela Lugosi and President Ronald Regan. What a combination that is, Bela and Regan, huh? That's like a dream meeting right there ...

Now that i think about it, that would be a fucking awesome play. I am totally serious, y'all, a simple stage play about the chance meeting of an aged actor on the decline and a young actor on the rise and destined for Presidency, accidentally meeting together at the strange whacked-out midnight premiere of a film they aren't even IN. Maybe they meet for a smoke break in the back. Wow. That would make an awesome play, kinda like a parody of that Picasso play that Steve Martin made. I could totally write the Lugosi part but with Regan I'm absolutely stumped. you know, maybe that would be a nice project for me to write. Maybe someday, maybe someday soon ...

And keeping the video vault rolling, here is a video of the infamous paddle ball scene, which has been brought to you today IN EYE-POPPING 3-D!!!

Sadly, however, the copy I have is in eye-sedimentary 2-D, which means that this gratuitous paddle ball scene is sadly unexciting. Still, can't wait, though.

Here's an article about how one cast member's life was literally on the line.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Not Much ...

Look at how deeply engrossed in thought Isabela is when she's playing video games? That's intense.

Not much to report. I'm hanging on, which is all I can say.

Sometimes it feels like nobody cares and everybody's against me. And it makes me crazy and I just want to run and hide. But I don't. I stay calm and cool and collected on the outside. But on the inside it's like I'm on fire.

But I'm hanging on, which is all I can say for now.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sleeping With Godzilla ...

Day off from work. We're pet-sitting. The cat we're taking care of is busy sleeping with one of my daughter's Godzilla toys. It's cute.

My wife is working today, I think, maybe. Hopefully we'll have some $$$. We sure as hell need it.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Steve VS Giant Bear ...

Last saturday Mr. Steve was scheduled to have bear storytime. And it was advertised that Steve would actually wrestle a giant bear. A big crowd turned out. A few adults even showed up, asking "Dood, you actually like wrasslin a bear?"

Steve started storytime in a wrestling "outfit" inspired by his favorite wrestler Andy Kaufman. His tie became his war bandanna.

At the end of storytime, Mr. Steve put on what he THOUGHT was a Superman cape but turned out to be a Wonder Woman cape. After a few false starts with some very small bear dolls, Steve found a pair of keys that opened up the two doors behind the stage. Which door had a bear in it?

It was the other one.

The 35 kids in attendance were so excited, plus the interactivity of the storytime atmosphere, led a large group of the kids to rush the stage repeatedly and try to help me by punching and kicking the bear and me a few times. It became a repeating bit where Steve would stand up and calmly make the kids sit down, then FALL FLYING TO THE FLOOR in an exciting bear fight.

After a massive battle which featured Steve flying in the air, against the wall and onto the floor, the bear was declared the winner ...

... and yet, in the field of battle, the two foes bonded and became friends.

Next saturday, the mouse from the book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie is scheduled to show up. Hopefully it will be a nice, calm, peaceful storytime where Steve doesn't have to wrestle anything, especially bears.

I'm all bear-ed out, yo.

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from Wikipedia:

"Series 7: The Contenders is a 2001 film directed by Daniel Minahan. The movie is presented as a marathon of the seventh series of an American reality television show called The Contenders, where six people, picked at random from a national lottery, are each given a gun and forced to hunt and kill each other for the cameras. The film is a dark satire of the reality television genre. It stars Brooke Smith as Dawn, the reigning champion from the sixth series. It shares similarities with cult Japanese film, Battle Royale, 1986 Schwarzenegger vehicle The Running Man, and several other films.

Five new contestants are selected in a seemingly random lottery and they along with the winner of the previous series make a total of six Contenders. Each series of The Contenders is played within the limits of a chosen city or town. Contenders are provided with a gun, though they may acquire other weapons, and the last one left alive is the winner. Contestants are forced to play the game, regardless of whether they do not wish to do so. When a contender wins three tours of the game, they are free from the game.

The film purposely leaves many key details unexplained, as the viewer is supposed to be watching only what the creators actually aired in the fictional TV show. It is not explained how the reality TV show got into so powerful a position that it could randomly select people to be killed, but all the Contenders seem to treat it as something they have absolutely no control over.

Series 7 is set in Newbury, Connecticut which happens to be the hometown of Dawn Lagarto. She is the longest reigning contender the show has ever seen. She has won two tours, and just needs to win one more to be set free. Dawn is eight months pregnant, and hopes to win the game for her baby.

The idea for this project came to Daniel Minahan after he worked for a reality TV show. Minahan actually pitched the fake reality show concept to a network executive as an actual series in 1998. The first round of notes came back from the executive. "Can it be more sexy and less violent?"


Steve's Snacks of the Week:

Ice Cream
Breathing Treatment Because I Can't Breathe

Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Damn ...

Our damn heater broke last night. Woke up with an asthma attack because it was so freezing. Damn. It's 66 degrees in this house right now.

Granted, my mom keeps her house colder but that's pretty goddamn cold.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Am The Hurricane ...


DOOD! I did it! Talk about a fucking DRY STREAK! I was the goddamned Dust Bowl of sex for a LO-O-O-ONG time there. I've been intensely sexually frustrated for an obscenely long time. Now I'm just sitting here in total peace, the afterglow from the moment. I can smell her. I love that smell. Right now all is well with my world.

And it's not just the sex, either. Work has been pretty goddamn good. And my relationship with my kids has been pretty goddamn good. And things with my wife have been getting a whole lot better.

I've been feeling pretty goddamn good lately. I know I run the risk of jinxing myself. But life is pretty goddamn good, all things considered.

Ok. This is my life ... you know how when you're playing Mario Kart, you get the three shells and they revolve around you ...

That's me. I've got these intense drama shells that are circling me, surrounding me, revolving around me and could hit me at any time, sending me spiraling off course. Like a hurricane. And I am the center. The eye. And in the eye of a hurricane all is peaceful and calm. I don't know how or why but I am the center of the hurricane and despite the dangerous and angry and mind-blowing shit all around me I am the epitome of cool.

I am The Hurricane!

Modest Mouse: Fire it Up

Baby Blue Sedan

Horn Intro

The View


Satin In A Coffin

Monday, January 5, 2009

POST #975: Yay Breathing!

I haven't used my breathing machine ALL DAY!

I still have a few coughs here and there. Nothing too major. I'm on the end of a nasty cold and a severe throat infection. but a few days ago I was using my albuterol inhaler machine three or four times a day. Today, though, nothing. No machine all day.

I'm incredibly proud of myself.

Blackout ...

The family and I just suffered thru an hour long power outage.

Isabela was a little bit scared but she was our brave little trooper. Emerald read picture books to us, Natasha lost herself in her own little teen vampire world, and I just looked out into the darkness, quietly thinking what I always think when my life gets thrust into darkness ...

Every once in a while God lets you know that he has a bajillion ways to fuck your life up. A bajillion ways. He has so many ways to just turn everything around that you should just try to let go and embrace what you have because it might not be there for long. Who knows. God can be a real bitch so try to find happiness wherever the hell you can.

Right now for me happiness is pills, wacky mambo head trip throat medicine, Juicy Fruit gum and Vince Guaraldi music.

Vince Guaraldi: Happiness Is

Vince Guaraldi: The Great Pumpkin Waltz

Warcraft ...

'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

Feeling ...

Waking up early, getting my Emerald ready for school, the Eels playing on my iPod speakers, I find myself somehow overcome with this deep sense of joy. I can feel it now inside my chest like deep happy heartburn. It hurts but in a good way. It feels good. Makes everything brighter.

I don't know where it came from. Maybe it's from the music. Eels music can do that to you. Maybe it's from the silence in this house. Apart from the sounds of the music and the heater running it's a peaceful morning. No arguing, no yelling, no annoyed sounds of anger. Maybe it's just the fact that I lived another day and every morning I wake up is another chance at a do-over. Maybe it's the fact that a week of being sick and coughing up gross crap has left and now, apart from my chronic asthma, I'm a healing man on the mend, feeling better.

Or maybe it's just all the pills.

Either way I'm just glad it's here.

Here's some free Eels music for your overjoyed punk ass ...

I Like Birds

I'm A Loser

Hello Cruel World

A Dog's Life

Teenage Witch

Rags to Rags

Have a good day. On me.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Sunday, July 21st, 2002

WWE Vengance just started and my brother and I are in his dark bedroom watching it. It's good. This is good. It's getting my mind off of a ton of things, almost all of which are about Collyne. Damn. I just spilled my beer all over this page. Joe laughed at me. Had to dry my book off and everything. Lame.

Last night was a real big mess, another loud, messy, drama filled bar night. Every night of my life seems to be another loud, messy, drama filled bar night. Way too much drinking and drama, even more than usual because it was my brother's girlfriend's birthday. It was also the last night for our good friend and karaoke lady Katrina. Well, lets just digitally morph to the end of the night. Jason's girlfriend was vomiting badly right outside the front door and was about to pass out. That meant our ride wanted to leave early. But some people didn't want to leave just yet. Joe didn't want to leave at all. There was arguing and everything. It was a big mess. It was drama that I didn't want to be a part of. So I avoided it at all cost.

During that half hour or so of utter confusion, Collyne cornered me outside of the bar alone. She apologized that this break-up with Ricky "didn't go the right way" that she had hoped and then told me that although she had doubts that the two of us could last as a couple, she could no longer hide the fact that she wanted me badly. She then held my hand and told me point blank that she had no idea how or when but that one day soon she WOULD have me. Well, shit. What the fuck do I say to THAT, huh? And only a few weeks ago Katrina told me basically the same thing. I looked into her eyes and took a deep breath. Then I told her. I told her how I wanted her, too. How I wanted to be with her. How lonely I was. How I wanted to be with her ever since I first met her. How if I have to see the two of them together just to be near her then I will.

And then we kissed.

We stole kissed the whole night. And then when we were about to leave Ricky asked me if him and Collyne could crash at our house. I said it was ok because my parents were gone for a few weeks. So it was around 2:30 in the morning when we got to my house. I decided to crash in front of the tv for a while. Ricky and Collyne went into my parent's bedroom. They said they were going to bed. But when it came time to sleep I couldn't. The walls were shaking. I heard noises. Sex noises. They were doing it in my house AND in my parent's bed and just a few hours after she professed her love to me. I was crushed. I was crushed AND I had to try and sleep while just one wall away the apparent love of my life was fucking her husband. I felt more hurt and alone.

I woke up early, got the coffee going, and went outside for a smoke. Collyne woke up right when I was lighting up. She found me sitting down on the steps of the front porch. Our eyes met in a deep silent stare. She just put her arm around me and joined me in a smoke. We said nothing. That was my morning. Now I don't know what to feel except sorrow and loneliness. What the hell is going on with my life? Ever since the Debmonster cheated on me in Arizona my life has spiraled downwards into a Bizarre Kafkaesque or perhaps Gilliamesque nightmare that just seems to get darker and darker with each drunken night.

I've loved and lost and loved and lost and loved and lost and now I'm in this all too familiar pit. But just because I'm familiar with it doesn't make it hurt any less. And now I don't know what the fuck to do anymore.

And did I mention that a forty year old woman at the bar gave me a handjob last night? I feel strangely guilty about that.


Trying To Understand The Plot Of The 1966 Film Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster (ゴジラ・エビラ・モスラ 南海の大決闘) ...

A "country boy" whose brother is believed to have died at sea goes off in search of him. After a pointless aside at a newspaper office, the man finds himself at, of all places, a They Shoot Horses, Don't They-style sixties dance off. Very hip, very gear. Two men who just lost the dance off meet the country boy and instantly decide to take this total stranger to the beach so they can all go look at boats together (???) and end up on a boat with a bank robber who is really a nice guy and despite the shotgun is friendly and lets these total strangers spend the night in the boat. While everyone sleeps the country boy hijacks the boat and suddenly the four go off on an ocean adventure. They end up on an island where the native inhabitants of Mothra Island are being used as slaves by a gang called the Red Bamboo who are using them to manufacture yellow "heavy water" (again ???) which they plan to use to make nuclear weapons. They also use it to control a giant lobster-like monster called Ebirah who guards the island and makes sure the slaves don't escape. The four hide from the Red Bamboo and eventually find and befriend a cute native woman and together they all hide in a cave where Godzilla has been sleeping. They wake up Godzilla and use him, with Mothera's help, to defeat Ebirah and the Red Bamboo.

This is some strange ass shit right here.

This is also one of my new favorite Godzilla films of all time.

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from Wikipedia:

"Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, released in Japan as Godzilla Ebirah Mothra: Nankai no Daikettō (ゴジラ・エビラ・モスラ 南海の大決闘, Gojira, Ebira, Mosura Nankai no Daikettō?, lit. "Godzilla, Ebirah, Mothra: Big Duel in the South Sea"), is a 1966 tokusatsu film, directed by Jun Fukuda, and was released by Toho studios. The film is also known by its English title, Ebirah, Horror of the Deep. It was the first Godzilla film since Godzilla Raids Again not directed by Ishiro Honda.

The film features the monsters: Godzilla, Ebirah, Mothra, and the Giant Condor.

The film was originally written for Toho's version of King Kong, but when Toho lost the rights to the character they switched Kong with another popular character at the time, Godzilla. This would explain Godzilla's crush on Kumi Mizuno's character among other things."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Dr. Pepper Knockoff
Ice Cream
Handfull of Pills
Lengthy John Lennon Biography
Aftertaste Of Breathing Machine

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Day Off ...

Called in sick. The amount of stuff I'm coughing up is disgusting. I'm medicated off my ass and I feel like crap and I'm pretty much attached to the breathing machine.

But at least I get to spend the day with the kids. We're watching Anchorman and I've only had to fast forward past two bad scenes.

But the kids seem to love it, my oldest especially.

It probably helps that I named our cat Legendary Anchorman Ron Burgundy. That helps.

You know I'm really sick because I'm missing a storytime. I try never to miss one of those. I'd like to think that the store is going to explode without me. But probably not.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Me As A Kid ...

Nowadays I have a house and car I can barely afford, I have severe chronic asthma, I need therapy and I'm about to turn 32.

Back then the only problems I had were my mean older brother and my huge ass glasses.