NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week, Part 1 ...

Today we watch our 29th Church-less Movie of the Week and never before have we watched one so legendary, so legendarily BAD, as this one ...

Yoinked fro wiki and mated with ...

"The Fantastic Four is an unreleased low-budget feature film completed in 1994. Created to secure copyright to the property, the producers never intended it for release although the director, actors, and other participants were not informed of this fact. It was produced by low-budget specialist Roger Corman and Bernd Eichinger (who also produced another Fantastic Four movie in 2005). The film was based on the long-running comic book by Marvel Comics and featured the origin of the Fantastic Four and their first battle with the evil Doctor Doom and a mysterious Mole Man-like creature.

In 1992, Constantin Film was about to lose its option on the film rights for Fantastic Four, unless production began by December. Without the $40 million in necessary funding for a full-budget film, producer Bernd Eichinger turned to Roger Corman for help. Corman spent $1.98 million to shoot the movie. Constantin Film permitted the director, actors and others involved in the film to believe that the studio intended to release it in theaters, rather than the film being a cinematic equivalent of an ashcan copy. The cast and crew did the film for low salaries after being told that if it did not get released to theaters, it would be used as the pilot for a potential television series.

Filming lasted a month and finished in January 1993, after which post-production began. The cast gave press interviews and attended comic book conventions in good faith. The studio announced a premiere date of 1994, at the Mall of America in Minnesota. In late 1993, the studio announced that the film would not be released. Over a decade later, Constantin Film made a $100 million Fantastic Four film and its sequel, the $130 million Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Thanks to the resourcefulness of some die-hard fans, copies of the FF's first film have made the rounds of comic book conventions and on-line sites, like eBay, over the past decade but it has been far from a glorious existence. The movie is a videotape trapped in a netherworld of agonizing N-th generation bootlegs, a world so mortifying that not even Stan or Jack could have fabricated.

Jay Underwood, the actor who played Johnny Storm, is best known for his role as the autistic Eric Gibb in The Boy Who Could Fly. He also starred with Alan Thicke in a trilogy of films, Not Quite Human, as the teen-android Chip Carson and appeared in the 1989 comedy Uncle Buck. Michael Bailey Smith, who portrayed the rock-skinned Thing, was best noted for his role as the demon Belthazor on the series Charmed.

In a list of the '50 Top Comic Movies of All Time (...and Some So Bad You've Just Got to See Them),' Wizard Magazine ranked this film higher than Batman & Robin, Steel, Virus and Red Sonja, all of which were released in theaters."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Breyers Rocky Road Ice Cream

Kristy Klondike Krunch Bars (I love the KKK)

Big Ass Bag Of Kettle Chips



Root Beer

Breathing Treatments Because This House Is So Damn Dirty

I've seen this film only once before. That was right after I bought it at a comic book convention. I am ashamed at how much I paid for such a crappy movie. But then again I DO have my own religion based around bad movies so I guess I should be proud.

And can someone answer me a question ... is the first professor you see in the movie, the first person who has a line, is that Punky Brewster's dad? I think it is. Anyway, I'm gonna try to spin this into a double feature. I just got a copy of an old school Toho monster movie that I've just been dying to see, so stay tuned.

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE! But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in Galindo Theaters. Any and all talkers will be David Carradine-ed with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING whatsoever. Totally serious about that one, y'all.

And be sure to dim headlights (where applicable).

Oh, and remember ...

Enjoy the show y'all!

Watch The Fantastic Four for FREE right now!

DISCLAMER: This is on youtube in 10-minute parts. You will have to navigate thru the various parts yourself to watch the whole movie. Small price to pay for a crapburger of this magnitude.

Anyways, here is what I have seen so far ...

December 7th: Godzilla VS Mecha-Godzilla
December 14th: Godzilla VS Mothra
December 21st: Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster
December 28th: Lord of the Rings (Rifftrack edition)
January 4th: Godzilla VS The Sea Monster
January 11th: Series 7 (The Contenders)
January 18th: House of Wax
January 25th: Police Story 3
February 1st: Left Behind the Movie
February 15th: Godzilla VS Megalon
February 22nd: Jesus Christ Superstar
March 1st (part 1): Duck Soup
March 1st (part 2): Godzilla Final Wars
March 8th (part 1): Godzilla VS The Smog Monster
March 8th (part 2): The Three Caballeros
March 15th: Sonny Chiba's "The Street Fighter" (free to watch)
March 29th (part 1): I Bury The Living
March 29th (part 2): Drive-In Massacre (free to watch)
April 15th: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (free to watch)
April 25th (part 1): Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
April 25th (part 2): Godzilla Tokyo S.O.S. (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 1): Sex Madness (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 2): Frankenstein Conquers the World
May 10th (part 1): Muppet Treasure Island
May 10th (part 2): La Bamba (free to watch)
May 17th: Mothra (free to watch)
May 31st: Mega-Shark VS Giant Octopus (free to watch)
June 7th: Tommy (free to watch)

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