Skull Pencil Brains ...

We still have no laptop and no computer at our house. Right now I'm next door at my mother in laws house. My two girls and my ten year old niece have spent most of the day watching Avatar cartoons and now they're running around the house screaming and fighting each other with whatever element powers they pretend to have. They're loud and hyper and the floors here are wood floors, so every step sounds like a Godzilla sized stomp. It feels like this blue pencil with the skulls all over it that's here on the desk is actually logged deep in my brain and I can't get it out. That's how it is over here. I could either scream or cry right now I'm not sure which.

We've spent all day here. Again. And I guess I don't really MIND that. It's nice and probably good for me to occasionally get out of my self-imposed cell and interact with, you know, actual PEOPLE. It's just that we've been spending more and more time here lately. I think it's because my wife wants a computer and wants her family around her. And when I'm at work I suspect that she spends all day over here. That's all fine and good but what about OUR home? We're spending so much time at the mother in laws pad that our home is being neglected. I like her family but I don't feel like spending two whole days sewed on to them. What about me? What about MY days off with MY family?

To tell you the truth I'd rather just go home, lay around in my underwear, eat ice cream and listen to Eels music on my iPod ...

Eels: I'm A Loser (Beatles)

I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man (Prince)

I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart

That Look You Give That Guy

Teenage Witch

Fitting In With The Misfits

I'm going crazy. I think I'm going crazy. I might be going crazy. There's voices yelling in my head. There's a monster in my stomach that causes me pain. I feel like I'm invisible and I float around from place to place, in no control whatsoever of my own actions. I just bounce around to whatever and wherever I'm supposed to be. I gain visibility only to do things for other people or to be yelled at and then dismissed. I take my pills to cover this all in fog so I don't have to think about it too much. And sometimes I feel like hollowing out my head with a rusty spoon and living my life like Tommy the pinball wizard. There must be a blissfulness in that darkness, shouldn't there be? See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.

Anyway, I'm leaving. Hope you like the music.

Wind Clan out.