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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week, Giant Monster Edition - Part 1 ...

Yoinked from wikipedia, and but with my own sass and bad movie knowledge mixed in ...

"The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues is a 1955 science fiction film. It was directed by Dan Milner and starred Kent Taylor and Michael Whalen. The movie was released in December 1955. It was a B-movie success and has had many MANY bargain basement DVD releases.

Anyways, this movie came out in 1955 and that was the year that Tarantula, It Came from Beneath the Sea AND the Godzilla sequel Godzilla Raids Again came out in theaters, so this was a pretty damn good year for giant monster movies. And that is exactly what this is - not some sea serpent, a giant freaking monster.

The title phantom is a lumpy thing, with a barrel-chested body, short, squat, flipper-like limbs, and a somehow bovine head adorned with a row of backward-curving horns running down the midline from snout to cranium. All in all, it looks like the kind of thing that might turn up in a really ambitious high school play on the theme of St. George and the Dragon. But that just adds to the pastiche of so bad its good.

HOWEVER I don't mean to be Debbie Downer here but even if it were possible for a sea monster to come from a depth of 10,000 leagues, which is roughly about 30,000 miles - a distance greater that the circumference of the Earth, then this wouldn't make any difference: there is absolutely nothing deep about this Phantom. The title creature lives in such shallow waters that to call it the Phantom from 10,000 Millimeters (or about 33 feet) would be an exaggeration.

But what does that matter, huh? It's a giant freaking monster movie. This is rare American kaiju we're talking about here. It's all good bad fun. Sure it might be bad and tedious and in the scene where Dr. King is attacked by the monster, hands sticking out of the monster suit are visible. But this Church-less Movie Of The Week is all about embracing what is bad, you know? Embrace the hideousness. Have fun with it.

The best reason for watching this movie has nothing to do with the plot, or with the monster. The most interesting thing about it is the hyper-Romantic score by Ronald Stein... a Warsaw Concerto with monsters. There are two main themes to the soundtrack: a heroic six-note motive that is the movie's Big Tune — I hope it's not supposed to represent the Timeless Romance between Ted and Lois, because if it is I'm going to be ill — and a similarly-shaped but more sinister melody, introduced by the brass, that specifically represents the monster. That's some serious musical shit there, right?

These two musical ideas are the heart of the entire score; if you listen carefully, you can hear that at certain points the two principal ideas are being developed at the same time. The score is as thoughtfully worked out as if it were a piece of abstract music rather than a soundtrack. That's some serious ass musical love. INowe if only the same care and attention had been applied to the crappy ass script!"

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:




Breathing Treatments

A Ton Of Screaming Fucking Children Who Are Driving Me Crazy

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve is once again PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE!

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed inside the Galindo Theaters. In fact, any and all talkers will be castrated with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. That distracts the internets. And NO TEXTING!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Oh, and remember ...

Enjoy the show y'all!

Part two is on its way soon, so stay tuned.

Remember who loves you.

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