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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Late Night Bar Music ...

I just want to clarify things by saying that is a totally SOBER picture of me and a fairly drunken picture of my wife.

I think it's a cute picture, though. I look like a cute widdle pwincess.

So let me tell you about the other night ...

I was once again the designated driver for another big drinking night for my two wives and their friends. This time it was for our friend Jen's brother who was back from the army and was turning 21. My wife tried to tell me we wouldn't be out long but I knew the truth and I was right and that I was once again in for another long ass night.

We went to three different small shitty bars. It was difficult not drinking. Plus I was a million times more irritated than the last time because last time I had three drunk girls macking on me and licking my ears and stuff and this time I had two girls and my wife's drunken, stoned brother who seemed drunk even before we left to go to the first damn bar.

Damn, dude, have some discipline!

By the time we got to the third bar, a dusty karaoke bar out in the middle of crapsville, it was one am on and the place was dead empty. But somehow they were STILL doing karaoke in this empty bar, so we hit the stage. The birthday boy was drunk as fuck and had the massive urge to scream-sing songs that he knew were completely out of his range, which he did. It was dark and loud and there was a huge stage so that all the people that WEREN'T there could see. Yippie!

My wife sang, too. She sang two songs, her special birthday song as well as a duet that she did with the completely wasted birthday boy. She sang You Outta Know with him and that brought back bad memories because I used to sing that with Collyne back when I would go to the dirtbar all the time.

Those were some memories.

The birthday boy wanted me to go too, so I somewhat reluctantly went up there. It was tough on me because back when I did karaoke five times a night for two years STRAIGHT, that gave me a great loud rock voice that I have long since lost due to age and sobriety.

Plus, there's also the fact that I was totally sober. I was a much better singer when I was loud and drunk and in my twenties.

And that's how IT happened.

In an empty bar at 1:30am, I once again happened to unleash my VERY RARE metal karaoke version of Britney Spears.

And luckily for you a camera was there to capture it...

Britney Spears: Hit me Baby One More Time

That was the last song of the night. And after a somewhat tense situation between some nice old biker dude and Natasha's drunken brother, we stood outside and 2/3rd of our party smoked. When I tried to get us all to leave someone decided to get everybody together and take a drunken group picture.

Almost instantly after we started converging for the photo, Jen started asking who touched her boob. Apparently someone other than me wanted to grab a feel. I said "I didn't but if you NEED me to..." and, well, she must have been pretty damn drunk because she was MORE than happy for me to oblige her boobs.

So I grabbed one during the picture. They feel a lot bigger than they look.

Here's the pic ...

On our way home, the birthday boy started puking and I was forced to pull over and park at the nearest parking lot.

And given the fact that I created my own religion, I found where we parked quite ironic ...

There you go. That was my night.

It was a pretty horrible night, all except for Jen's big ass titties. And they are so nice that they almost make up for everything else.

Thanks, jen's ta-tas!

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