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Friday, July 30, 2010

The Secret Story Of My "Other" Children ...

Lele was less than a year old when she started coming to my story times. she was just a baby and yet she would stare with wild wide eyes at me and my craziness.

See, I have been doing story times at work twice a week for over seven years. That's a long time. And when I started doing it, little baby Lele was there and would come and see me almost every week.

I got to see that baby grow ...

That's her as Dorothy.

She kept coming to story time. She was small, quiet, polite, and wanted nothing more than to listen and learn. She was and IS the most well behaved kid I've ever had in my seven+ years doing story time.

Well then she started to GROW ...

She grew up with me and my story times. She has kind of been like some sort of other secret daughter of mine, an "other" family that I care about very much.

And eventually Lele was joined by a baby sister named Lexi...

... and there was a sweet time. Lele AND Lexi at story time listening to be and playing with me and coloring with me. The big sister helping the little sister in falling in love with me.

There was definitely a bond there. Seeing these kids grow up right before my eyes and seeing them so much, it humbled me and warmed my heart to them. We would hug. Lele would sit on my lap. Lexi would hug me. It was a very sweet feeling.

Eventually the torch was passed. Lele grew up and went to school while new baby Lexi, just like her sister years back, was small, quiet, polite, and wanted nothing more than to listen and learn and watch me read stories.

Well, here comes the sad part. See, when I get regulars that come once or twice every week to see me, eventually I know they'll grow up and leave me. And that's what they did. About a year or two ago I stopped seeing them at every story time. Ballet lessons, school, karate lessons and various other little kid things came between me and my "other" kids. They were growing up without me and there was nothing I could do to change that.

It was very sad and a part of me broke a little bit, but every once in a blue moon they would come and see me at a story time or they would show up randomly and I'd get hugs and tackles and stories of how they were growing up.

And I got a LOT of Christmas cards ...

Well, when I came back to work last wednesday. It was a week after the surgery and I was dizzy and feeling sick. Not only that but I also had a ton of stuff to do and no energy to do it all.

I was having a horrible day, until guess who came to see me?

It was my "other" children!

Their smiling faces just made my week.

Hell, they made my MONTH!

When my bipolar flares up and I feel stupid and I feel like nobody cares and nobody gives a damn and I just want to start cutting again, it's thoughts of my "other" children that bring me back from the abyss.

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