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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Woodmas ...


Tomorrow, October 10th, is Woodmas. On this day, our savior was born!

This is our CHRISTMAS and it is the holiest day in the Woodian calendar, the heavenly Ed Wood Christmas, the day that Edward D. Wood Jr. was born! Rejoice, oh faithful Woodites of the world, for on this day the transvestite director Eddie Wood was born! Rejoice, drink, smoke, be merry, and spend the day celebrating the life and films of Ed Wood! Give gifts that aren't great and do those things that you do not normally do that make you feel good. Today is a day for feeling good and partying, living as Ed Wood lived. Woodmas is our Christmas, except without all that bullcrap about church. More drinking and less praying. That's Woodmas.

Woodmas was first coined by Reverend Steve Galindo in 1997. It was celebrated by Steve and his older brother Joe by drink king two full bottles of Jack Daniels and watching Ed Wood movies. Since then, Steve has celebrated Woodmas every year with much drinking. This is the fourth year Steve's celebrated Woodmas in Sacramento and the third year he's celebrated it with his own family.

There aren't a lot of crappy rituals on Woodmas, although it is unofficially customary on Woodmas to wear the clothes of the opposite sex to remember Ed throughout the day. It doesn't necessarily have to be full on drag, mind you. Maybe it can just be a pair of panties or a jock strap or a nice cotton thong or something. Or it could be full on drag, what the hell. It's up to you, however you want to remember Ed Wood best.

Here's the best part of Woodmas ... no one who is either a legally baptized Woodite or a casual Ed Wood fan should have to work on this day. Hell yeah! I mean, this is Woodmas, people. It transcends religious beliefs and cultural barriers. This is a holy day of the biggest order. Some people might laugh at you or call you a freak and the people at your work might not believe you and your family might think you're insane, but this is the day that we thank the fates that allowed Ed Wood to be here on this earth to make his amazing, mind-blowing films, his gift to us.

Speaking of gifts, low-level gifts are usually given for Woodmas and, like Ed's films, they should not be that great. They should come from the heart but also be very cheap like Ed's films. And if you drink, this is the day to get ripped out of your damn mind. Ask for the next day off as well, to sober up.


When I was in high school I got upset that there were all these religious types that got days off school when I had to stay in school and work my brown ass off. All these Catholics and Christians getting the day off because of the Holy Feast of Saint Jayhoobah Alderan of Entitilitis and all those mormons and jews out there getting days off to go pray and stuff while I still had to sit on my stupid desk and listen to stupid teachers drone on and on about stupid laws. That was a ripoff, in my point of view. I wanted days off, too!

So I made a list of important dates in the life of Ed Wood and his fellow actors so that I could get a few days off school. The same went for when I got my first job, a horrible video store job that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy or even Michael Jackson, that young cancer-patient-molesting freak. So once I created my own religion I made this old list of important dates legal holy days so that those that claim Woodism as their official religion could flip off the Christians and the catholics and get few days off of work for their OWN religion. And I've been doing it ever since, with today, Woodmas, being the highest holy day of the entire year!

Flip The Switch: Plan 9

Reverend Steve and 2-Year-Old Emerald Galindo: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WOOD!

Crutial Head: Plan 9

Saint Tor Hershman: The Ed Wood Hymn

Reverend Steve Galindo: Angora On The Shelf

The Devil Bats In Color: We Need A Little Woodmas

... and here's a song you can sing yourself, written by Woodian Saint and Horror Host Mr. Lobo!


We wish you a merry Woodmas!
We wish you a merry Woodmas!
We wish you a merry Woodmas!
And a fun Halloween

Wood tidings we bring to those of good brains;

Wood tidings for Woodmas and a fun Halloween.

Ed, pull the flyin' sau-cer string;
Ed, pull the flyin' sau-cer string;
Ed, pull the flyin' sau-cer string; pull it up with Wood cheer:
The graveyard is out there;
The saucers are up there;
Criswell knows that they are there, so I'll be safe in there:

We wish you a Merry Woodmas
We wish you a Merry Woodmas
We wish you a Merry Woodmas

And a fun Halloween!"

... and don't forget that Steve will be showing Ed Wood's Plan 9 from Outer Space LIVE from his bedroom on Woodmas Day at 4pm EST!

Be there or be square!

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