Kneel Before the Awesomeness of my Big Ass Title ...: Parents And Pants ...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Parents And Pants ...

My parents are in town and they're here to see me and spend time with me and my kids. I haven't seem them since probably Wrestlemania XXVI back in March. I'm excited to see them again.

So here's a bit of an epic poem I wrote in tribute to my pants.

Enjoy ...

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Random Favorites:

Favorite Color: Burnt Sienna (My skin color), the color of the blood that flows from the fallen bodies of my enemies, Blue

Favorite Cubes: Legos, Rubix, Ice (the beverage cold-er as well as the rapper), cheese, that one really strange 1997 Canadian horror-ish movie

Favorite Book: "Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus" by Mo Willems, "Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline

Favorite Bands: Eels, The Beatles, The Rutles, Jim's Big Ego, The Misfits, Richard Cheese, Dick Dale, The Groovie Ghoulies

Favorite Concerts: Guns N Roses & Soundgarden, the Use Your Illusion Tour (with my older brother - I was in eighth grade!)

Spinal Tap, the Break Like The Wind Tour, 1993 (Yes I know they are a FAKE band but they played Mesa Amphitheater and I was there front row, and it was an awesome 3hr set with an intermission - I bought official Spinal Tap ear plugs)

Primus, the Animals Should Not Try to Act Like People Tour, 2003 (They did a full two hour set, then an intermission, then they played the Sailing The Seas Of Cheese album in its entirety)

Ed-Woodstock, 2004

Favorite Movies: Plan 9 from Outer Space, Wet Hot American Summer, The Avengers, The Giant Claw (amazingly horrible), Scott Pilgrim VS The World, Ed Wood, Psycho (the original and none of that other crap, oh, and also, the big end speech from the Dr. isn't in it, because that's horrible), Glen Or Glenda, Monty Python And The Holy Grail, The Three Caballeros, This Is Spinal Tap, Manos: The Hands Of Fate, A.P.E., Rock of Ages (soooooooo bad!!!), Cabin in the Woods

Favorite Brother Of Mine: My pretty awesome older brother, Jose Galindo Jr. (Also, total truth here, I only have one brother. So this was sort of a given.)

Favorite TV Shows: Cheap Seats withOUT Ron Parker, SIFL AND OLLY, The State, Arrested Development, Community, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, SNL (but not in the 80s because that was shiiiiiiiiit), The Twilight Zone, Newsradio, 30 Rock, WWE Raw, South Park, Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Muppet Show, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Invader Zim, Lupin The III, Flight of the Conchords, Bob's Burgers, The Joe Schmo Show, Reno 911, Parks and Recreation, Regular Show, Troy and Abed In The Mornin'

Favorite Type Of Ice Cream: Free Ice Cream

Favorite Comedians: Andy Kaufman, Eddie Izzard, Steven Wright, Bill Hicks, Mitch Hedberg, really old Steve Martin stuff (back in the 70s, when he used to be funny, before he got all serious)

Favorite Sodas: Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb and/or Pibb Xtra, Barq's, Rockstar energy drink (is that even considered a soda?), that green-yellow-ish Gatorade, the blue Poweraid, Dads Root Beer, Jolt cola

Favorite Avengers: Luke Cage, Spider-Man, Squirrel Girl (Great Lakes). Also, I feel the need to mention that I currently have a level 23 Thing in the online game Marvel Super Heroes. Plus, he has a sidekick. It's Spider-Ham, the pig Spider-Man. He walks around with me cracking wise and shit. It's crrrrrrrrrazy cute!

Favorite Secretary of State: Albert B. Fall

Favorite Newscaster: Sacramento News 10's smug-faced Dale Schornack, whom I repeatedly list on Facebook as my wife but he keeps denying it. You can't run from the truth forever, Dale Schornack. You can't run forever.

Favorite Professional Wrestlers: The Hurricane, Rowdy Roddy Piper, The Undertaker (but I didn't lose it when he lost a Wrestlemania match), Y2J Chris Jericho, Andy Kaufman, Mr. Perfect Curt Henning, Kane (WITH the mask-VERY important!)

Favorite Type Of Food: Free Food

Favorite Hearts Broken: Sarah, Debby, Danielle, my own, "The Heartbreaker" Shawn Michaels, The Led Zeppelin Song

Favorite SNL Cast Members: Norm Macdonald, Bill Murray, Chris Rock, Tina Fey, Will Forte, Amy Poehler, Jason Sudeikis, Jon Lovitz, Dennis Miller, Chris Farley, Will Ferrel, Phil Hartman, Kristen Wiig, Darrell Hammond, Tim Meadows, Eddie Murphy, John Belushi, Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner, whichever member of "Keenan and Kel" is still on SNL after what like 15 damn years

Favorite People To Hate: Madonna, Collyne, L. Ron Hubbard, upper middle class and upper class white people, Debby, 80% of the population of the entire state of Oklahoma, Jenny McCarthy the child killer, Tom

Favorite Thing: Stuff

Favorite Strange Movie Fact: In the 1962 movie "King Kong VS Godzilla" there is a character, the head of a pharmaceutical company, who is named Taco. Taco. He is named Taco. He is an Asian man who is named Taco. WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS?!?! And there's also an Asian woman in the movie named Tammy. Now this is where I draw the line. I can believe that a giant ape and a giant radioactive lizard fight on the top of Mount Fuji, but I absolutely CANNOT BELIEVE that somewhere in Japan there is an Asian chick named Tammy. My suspension of disbelief does not go that far.

Rrrrrreally Good Books I've Read Recently ...

"Dead Presidents" by Brady Carlson
"Lafayette in the Somewhat United States" by Sarah Vowell
“The Great Beanie Baby Bubble: Mass Delusion and the Dark Side of Cute” by Zac Bissonnette.
"Silver Screen Fiend" by Patton Oswalt
"The Great Zoo of China" by Matthew Reilly
"The Disaster Artist" by Tom Bissell (the inside story of the movie THE ROOM - a MUST READ for bad movie lovers!)
"Yes Please" by Amy Poehler
"The Museum of Hoaxes" by Alex Boese
"Kids Are Weird: And Other Observations" by Jeffrey Brown"
"The Know-It-All" by A.J. Jacobs
"Game (The Game Trilogy, Book 1)" by Anders de la Motte
"A Game of Life" by Jeffrey Brown
"The Big Rewind: A Memoir Brought to You by Pop Culture" By Nathan Rabin
"Was This Man a Genius?: Talks with Andy Kaufman" By Julie Hecht
"The Final Years of Michael Jackson" by Ian Halperin
"The Pythons" by Monty Python's Flying Circus
"Mushroom Clouds and Mushroom Men: The Fantastic Cinema of Ishiro Honda" By Peter H. Brothers
"The De-Textbook" by Cracked.com (rrrrrrrrrrreally makes you look at your entire existance differently)
"Cruise Confidential" by Brian David Burns
"You Don't Know Me but You Don't Like Me: Phish, Insane Clown Posse, and My Misadventures with Two of Music's Most Maligned Tribes" By Nathan Rabin (this man can do no wrong-excellent read!!!)
"Star Wars: Jedi Academy" by Jeffrey Brown
"The Leftovers" By Tom Perrotta (... I just wish the ending gave more answers, you know?)
"To Hellholes and Back" by Chuck Thompson
"The Stench of Honolulu" by Jack Handey (every paragraph is hilarious! )
"How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe" by Charles Yu
"I Wear the Black Hat: Grappling with Villains (Real and Imagined)" By Chuck Klosterman (this book is the closest that Chuck Klosterman has gotten to writing a book as good as his first few books - damn good stuff!)
"Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life" by Dennis Reynolds
"Joyland" by Stephen King
"Old Man's War" by John Scalzi
"Redshirts" by John Scalzi
"NOS4A2" by Joe Hill (WOW!!!!!!!!)
"Jam" by Yahtzee Croshaw
"Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief" by Lawrence Wright (it is an absolute crime that a dangerous cult like Scientology is allowed to continue)
"The Long Earth" by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter
"America, You Sexy Bitch" by Michael Ian Black and Meghan McCain
"Amped" by Daniel H. Wilson (author of ROBOPOCALYSPE - this man can do no wrong!)
"Thank You For Smoking" by Christopher Buckley
"Here We Go Again" by Betty White
"Drop Dead Healthy" by A.J. Jacobs
"Top of the Rock: Inside The Rise and Fall Of Must See TV" by Warren Littlefield
"You're Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations " by Michael Ian Black
"The Incredible Change-Bots" and "The Incredible Change-Bots Two" by Jeffrey Brown
"Girl Walks Into A Bar ..." by Rachael Dratch
"Avengers Assemble: The Oral History of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes" by Brian Michael Bendis
"Emperor Mollusk VERSUS The Sinister Brain" by A. Lee Martinez
"Machine of Death: A Collection of Stories About People Who Know How They Will Die" edited by Ryan North
"A Year At The Movies" by Kevin Murphy
"Divine Misfortune" by A. Lee Martinez
"All Your Base Are Belong to Us: How Fifty Years of Videogames Conquered Pop Culture" by Harold Goldberg
"The Postmortal" by Drew Magary
"Size Matters Not" by Warrwick Davis
"The Last Testament" by God
"God If You're Not There I'm F*cked" by Darrel Hammond
"Damned" by Chuck Palahniuk
"Carrie" by Stephen King
"Unseen Academicals" by Terry Pratchett
"Snuff" by Terry Pratchett
"Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline (I don't know when the last time was that I had this much fun reading a single book - utterly amazing!)
"Shock Value: How a Few Eccentric Outsiders Gave Us Nightmares, Conquered Hollywood, and Invented Modern Horror" by Jason Zinoman
"Unfamiliar Fishes" by Sara Vowell
"Inside Scientology" by Janet Reitman
"The Damned Busters" by Matthew Hughes
"Bossypants" by Tina Fey
"Robopocalypse" by Daniel H. Wilson
"Warm Bodies" by Isaac Marion
"Agent to the Stars" by John Scalzi
"You Can Never Find A Rickshaw When It Monsoons" by Mo Willems
"Undisputed" by Chris Jericho
"Soon I Will Be Invincible" by Austin Grossman
"My Year of Flops: The A.V. Club Presents One Man's Journey Deep into the Heart of Cinematic Failure" by Nathan Rabin (this book is essentially by Bible!!!!!)
"Horror Show" by Greg Kihn (this book is basically a fictional look at Ed Wood IF his films really DID have aliens and zombies - perfect for ANY Ed Wood fan!)
"Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest To Find The Worst Movie Ever Made" by Michael Adams
"Hitman" by Bret Hart
"Blackburn" by Bradley Denton
"Flashforward" by Robert Sawyer
"Blankets" by Craig Thompson
"Killer In Drag" by Ed Wood
"The Prestge" by Christopher Priest
"Snuff" by Chuck Palahniuk
"I Drink For A Reason" by David Cross
"Captain Freedom: A Superhero's Quest For Truth, Justice, And The Celebrity He So Richly Deserves" by G. Xavier Robillard
"Hell" by Robert Olen Butler
"Ed Wood : The Early Years" by Jean Marie Stine (e-book)
"Things The Grandchildren Should Know" by Mark Oliver Everett
"My Custom Van : And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face" by Michael Ian Black
"Shambling Towards Hiroshima" by James Morrow (a pretty AMAZING fictional spin on the Godzilla series)
"Downtown Owl" by Chuck Klosterman
"Crooked Little Vein" by Warren Ellis