NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Random Nuggets Of Steve ...

I really don't feel like writing a big huge thing today, so instead of that here are some small chicken mcnuggets of wisdom and various random whatnots from my twisted bipolar brain ...

-I have a friend who is pregnant with twins and is thinking about getting an abortion. I told her she should keep the baby, not because I think having twins is like capturing an extremely rare pokemon.

-I got into a huge argument with Evan, one of the kids that lives with us, this afternoon. His argument can easily be boiled down to this quote: "No, Uncle Steef! There IS a Wall-E 2! My dad has it! He has all the movies ever! You just haven't seen it!" I wanted to smack him.

-I feel really bad for Evan. He holds his dad in such high esteem. His dad is "allegedly" great at video games and funny and amazing and king of the freaking world. Well, if he's so great then where the f is he?

-THIS poster is what this sunday's Church-less Movie will be ...

-So I finished reading the Jonathan Lethem essay dissecting John Carpenter's "They Live" and he spends a good deal of space discussing the character credited as Drifter. He is the homeless man in the beginning who is later seen rich and well-to-do because he somehow and for some reason sold out to the aliens. He's an interesting character in that he is an incidental character with a backstory we are never allowed to see. Who is this homeless person? How did her get to be that way? Why is he now rich? How did he "sell out" to them? What would an alien race want with him? And since he escapes, what does he do afterwards? A quote Lethem said regarding this really moved me. He said that "If Shakespeare had written The Lord of the Rings, its title would be Gollum." Amazing.

-The [edited] that I [edited] at doesn't carry dvds except for a supremely small random assortment of movies. One of those movies that we carry is "Eat Pray Love" which I guess makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that apparently the dvd comes with "The Director's Cut." What? Why? I thought director's cuts were for horror movies and award-winning "films," not fluffy popcorn women menstruating movies. That movie is the cinematic equivalent of a Bath and Body Works gift certificate. What, it's not like anyone out there really wants to see the filmmaker's "original vision" like it was originally named "Eat Molest Pray Hitler Love" and Julia Roberts is killings jews or something.

-Look, I'm really sorry that I went off so much just now. it's just that the idea of a "director's cut" of a movie that fluffy is just extremely stupid to me.

-My asthma has gotten bad. Well, that's a lie. It was ALREADY pretty damn bad. It's just that now they're even BAD-IER. I've been pretty much connected to y breathing machine lately and I don't know how I'll ever spend a full day at work without dying. Yeah. It's THAT bad. I'm worried that if it doesn't get better soon, like NOW, then in a few days I may be headed to the emergency room.

-So I absolutely worshiped Weird Al when I was young. I owned all of his albums (Yes, actual ALBUMS) and I'd listen to them on my Fisher-Price record player alone in my room and memorize every song. To this day it annoys my wife that I have to come up with funny and stupid and in most cases highly offensive parodies of the songs that we hear. She hates it that I'm CONSTANTLY doing it, although, to be fair, my version of Cee-Lo's "Fuck You," which goes "I see you drivin' 'round town and you got a cold and I'm like BLESS YOU!" is pure comedy GOLD!

-Anyway, what's funny is that my brother really started getting into music in junior high, especially metal, and he would always make fun of me for my lack of musical knowledge (What the hell do you expect? I was in fifth freaking grade, man?) and my love of Weird Al. He would ask me, joking around with his friends, who my favorite band was and I would say Weird Al. They would all just laugh at me. My brother would say "That is so lame! What, are you going to love Weird All all your life? Are you going to be thirty years old and STILL listening to Weird Al?"

... well guess what, Joe Galindo, you punk ass bitch?

-HA HA HA, so fucking Eat It, Jose!

-I miss The White Stripes. And The Format. And The Groovie Ghoulies. And Invader Zim. And Sifl and Olly. And I'm still dealing with the cancellation of ESPN Classic's show Cheap Seats, the funniest show no one else ever watched.

-And remember the next time you need to buy shoes that the founder of Adidas, Adolf Dassler, was a Nazi and his brother Rudolf Dassler, who was also a Nazi, founded Puma. And Nike, of course, plays starving 12-year-olds a nickle to make their shoes in horrible working conditions in hideous third world countries.

That's it.

See you later.

Wind Clan out!

No comments: