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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Shut Off ...

Hello again.

It's my day off and I'm at home. My kids are in school and so is my wife, but Lees has decided to stay home with her two youngest children who are currently right next to me fighting and hitting each other. I went to the store and bought a soda, a garlic bread pizza, and a bag of those chili and cheese flavored chips that my wife doesn't want me to have. I know that it's inevitable for my "other" wife's kids to go nuts over my food and demand they have some, too. But I don't care. I have so few moments to myself that in the two or so hours that I have alone I really want to go all out.

I've got quite a week ahead of me. See, I had a really big storytime yesterday. It was the last tuesday storytime I will be doing for quite a while. And tonight from 5 to 7pm I will be doing a special storytime for a local charter school's literacy festival. I'm actually making $100 for the event, so I'm pretty psyched about it. It's just going to be a big ass marathon of craziness. Then I have work again tomorrow, then work and therapy on friday, then work on saturday and another big storytime, then on sunday I'm doing a birthday for a one year old child. I have a full schedule and my life is extremely and hectic.

I'm worried, though.

See, I am at a precipice.

My dream, my absolute dream right now, would be to never leave this house. Oh, that would be absolutely wonderful. I could just stay on the couch wearing shit. I could watch bad movies all day and watch Netflix on Demand crap and read and take long, hot showers and eat junk food. I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable talking to strangers and I wouldn't have to try so hard to be normal and make people like me. I could spend all day on-line just fucking around and doing nothing.

That is my dream and it's wrong and I know it.

Like, my old store manager, the one that hated me and picked on me for two years, she went on vacation once and when I asked where she was going for her vacation she told me she was spending two weeks in Costa Rica. I couldn't believe it! Why the hell would anyone want to go to Costa Rica? It's dirty, the water is messy, there's all these foreigners all over the place. What the fuck?

I've lost my drive to go anywhere. I've lost my desire. I can feel myself becoming an agoraphobic or a hermit and I don't like it. My wife, Natasha, she has all these dreams of traveling and seeing the world and stuff, but all I want to do is stay at home and watch crappy movies.

Anyway, I gotta go. My pizza is getting cold and I'm halfway into Walk Hard. It's a great ass movie.


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