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Sunday, May 22, 2011

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

Yoinked from wikipedia, eccentric cinema, imdb, and along with my own personal bad movie knowledge...

"Bloody Pit of Horror (Original Italian title: Il Boia Scarlatto/also known as 'A Tale of Torture') is a 1965 Italian gothic horror film based on the writings of Marquis de Sade and directed by Massimo Pupillo. The film, set in Italy, stars Mickey Hargitay, Walter Brandi, Luisa Baratto and Rita Klein, and tells the story of a group of women modeling for a photo shoot for the cover of novels, when the owner of the castle starts to become The Crimson Executioner, who is bent on their deaths.

The star of the film, Mickey Hargitay, is known for his marriage to Jayne Mansfield, and as the father of Law and Order actress Mariska Hargitay.

Today's film 'claims' to be based on the writings of the Marquis De Sade, but something tells me that today's story is 'BASED' (with finger quotes) on his writings as much as all those crappy sixties movies were 'BASED' on Edgar Allen Poe stories, you know?

Featuring perhaps the goofiest villain in film history, today's movie is Italian horror kitsch with a strange sort of kick. Former professional muscleman and occasional B-movie 'actor' Mickey Hargitay gives a delightfully delirious, thoroughly over-the-top performance as the Crimson Executioner, a sadistic torturer of people he judges sordid or lecherous. Aided and abetted by a gonzo music soundtrack, bad dubbing and a gaggle of scantily-clad Eurobabes, the Crimson Executioner is one of the most memorable — not to mention unintentionally hilarious — bad guys to ever chew scenery on the silver screen.

Bloody Pit of Horror begins with a flashback of a red-hooded criminal being led to his death. Helpful narration explains that the aptly named Crimson Executioner '…took life not from any sense of justice, but from hatred and self gratification.' As the prisoner is being strapped into one of his own torture devices he loudly proclaims, 'I'll return and be avenged!'

Seriously, the iron maiden looks like it was constructed for a grade school play. The coffin shaped prop is clearly made of painted plywood and its deadly spikes are unmistakably rubber that look anything but sharp. Still, when they close the door he screams in agony and the camera pans down to reveal blood oozing out the bottom. A clock ticks away the years as our narrator chimes in with this helpful piece of voice-over, 'Your castle will stand throughout the centuries as a reminder of the barbarism and cruelty committed within its walls.'

Bloody Pit of Horror (trailer)

Flash forward to a photographer and his models arriving outside the castle doors. The abandoned castle looks to be the perfect spot to shoot their pulp fiction book covers. Kinojo, the exotic one, has an eerie premonition, 'There's something evil about this castle. I'm sure of it.'

Bloody Pit of Horror, which was refused a UK cinema certificate in 1967 for extreme scenes of violence, is sometimes kinky and at times weird but always hilarious. However, don't dive into this flick looking for tons o' skin and/or gore; it's strictly PG-rated stuff nowadays. While tame by today's standards, the escapades of the Crimson Executioner should still provide a bloody good time for those who enjoy bizarre B-movie schlock. The film is an homage to bodybuilding and masochism and italian bad movies and it shouldn't be missed!"

... and now ONCE AGAIN Steve and this blog are both PROUD to present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE!

A few ground rules first, though. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and all talkers will be fondled mercilessly by seven underweight ginger midgets wearing sombreros and fake mustaches while a one eyed albino man watches. Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And please dispose of trash in its proper receptacle.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Enjoy the show, y'all!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The soundtrack is so bad it SKIPS!