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Sunday, October 9, 2011

Woodmas Eve Feelings ...

I have tonight, then all of tomorrow, then I must leave the comfort of my family and go back to work.

Two things... one, I need to stress that anything written in this blog are the sole feelings and ideas of myself and are in no way related to any bookstore or major corporation. Sigh. And two, I need to stress that the following picture, as well as most of the pictures I have been posting lately, have been yoinked from my wife's cell phone. She gets pissy when I do that, so credit when credit's due

I feel afraid.

I don't know why, but I feel afraid to go back to work. I feel deeply frightened about it, the whole thought of it, really, of leaving this family and leaving this beautiful, amazing baby to go shelve books. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of leaving my newborn baby and I'm afraid of work, of the idea of work, and I worry that when I do finally go back there that no one at work will have missed me, that no one will care, that no one will give a rat's ass about me and that I'll just find myself getting in trouble again and again over nothing.

I'm just worried and nervous and altogether scared.

My son is asleep on my chest right now. He looks like an angel. He is sleeping while my gaggle of girls and women watch the movie Ever After: A Cinderella Story. I've got a Stephen King story next to me, cold pizza on the oven, a bag of popcorn on the desk and a fridge full of root beer.

So when I think of leaving all this just for a paycheck I get nervous and want to cry.

Happy Woodmas Eve, everybody.


Anonymous said...

Happy Woodmas, Rev Steve!

Investment Options said...

You are not alone. there are millions of women who go through this feeling everyday. Ultilmately it's your personal choice and what makes sense to you economically. Good luck.