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Saturday, March 23, 2013

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Steve-Filled Edition ...

I'm back! I'm finally back!

That's right! I got me some freakin' wi-fi, babyyyyy!

So here's a free movie.

It's bad and I'm in it. Kinda.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from wikipedia, the dudes at, and my own bad movie knowledge ...

"Starcrash (original Italian title Scontri stellari oltre la terza dimensione, literally 'Stellar Clashes Beyond the Third Dimension') is an Italian 1978 science fiction film, which was also released under the English title of The Adventures of Stella Star (in the US). The screenplay was written by Luigi Cozzi (pen name Lewis Coates) and Nat Wachsberger, and Cozzi also directed the film. The cast included Marjoe Gortner, Caroline Munro, Judd Hamilton and Robert Tessier.

It was filmed in Technicolor with Dolby sound, and has a runtime of 94 minutes. The US release is 92 minutes, and received an MPAA rating of PG. The film is generally regarded by critics as a campy Z movie with cheap special effects and a weak, derivative plot that some people find unintentionally humorous. It appeared a year after the original Star Wars and tried to re-mix the same elements, but without much success.

It has been compared to Plan 9 from Outer Space in the fact that it's a steaming pile of unwatchable crap.

This is an amazingly bad movie. It lacks any sense of reality, is rife with ridiculous dialog, and is filled with special effects that are extraordinary in their cheesiness. I have never grown tired of watching it and recommend it without reservation to anyone who enjoys other than fine films. Heck, even those who usually avoid the type of movies celebrated on this website should give it a try. It is that good at being bad.

People who love bad special effects will believe that they have died and gone to Heaven. Space is a glorious backdrop of colorful stars; it looks like somebody went nuts with a Lite Brite set (do not miss the constellation, in the shape of a J, that is visible in almost every scene). Most of the explosions, including spacecraft being destroyed, are realized through impressive displays of fireworks. It is rare for more than five minutes to pass without a flurry of laser beams criss-crossing the screen that result in fantastic showers of sparklers when they hit. Last, but not least, are the spacecraft models. The ships are insane clumps of cans, thread spools, and spare parts from plastic model kits (including the old space shuttle Columbia kit that I built as a kid). Some of the sprues are just glued onto the outside of the models to add chaotic detail. I think I saw tank treads still attached to one sprue. The result is something shaped like the 'spaceships' that are created by four-year-olds using basic LEGO blocks, except these masterpieces are painted a solid color.

The heroine, stupidly named 'Stella Star', is played by a near-naked Caroline Munro. She might be a smuggler, but she is also apparently the best pilot in the universe and looks pretty darn amazing in a black 'Leather Goddess of Phobos' outfit. The film also features Christopher Plummer and, somehow, David Hasselhoff.

"Top 10 Reasons Why Star Crash is Better Than Star Wars" from EuroCultAV.

Shooting took over six months and was frequently brought to a halt due to financing problems. The film was originally made for American International Pictures but after seeing the final cut they declined to release it. New World Pictures stepped in instead. The 1981 science fiction film Escape from Galaxy III was also known as Starcrash II. At the time, the film was panned by critics and bombed in the theaters but later gain a cult following.

In 2004, nationally syndicated television series Cinema Insomnia released a DVD version hosted by Mr. Lobo and featuring Reverend Steve Galindo, the handsome and large-penis-ed founder of The Church of Ed Wood. Star Crash was a fan favorite and inspired CInsomniac fan art, Secret screenings, Fake fantasy DVD covers, and Uploads to open source archives. All commercial DVDs were destroyed to comply with a 'cease and desist' order from New Horizon Pictures-successor in Interest to the defunct New World Pictures Library. Many entertainment experts have deemed Mr. Lobo’s treatment of this film as fair use and it is presented here for educational purposes."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



More Coffee

Internet Porn

Fast Food Leftovers

Random Potato Chip Shards

Yet Even More Coffee

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's super special Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! Because I'm actually IN this movie, kinda, and because I rock is why.

But lets go over a few theater rules first. Firstly, there's absolutely no talking allowed in Steve's Theater during our feature and any and talkers WILL be given a mega wedgie. Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. No open flames. Gays are accepted, however. Dispose of all trash in its proper receptacle. And please, absolutely NO TEXTING! Very serious about that one.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


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