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Saturday, December 28, 2013

Why My In-Laws Despise Me ...

Data plans.

Fucking data plans.

Do people even DO stupid data plans anymore?

I honestly cannot imagine most people out there still doing old school data plans for their cell phones anymore. I mean, aren't most people nowadays doing these really nice unlimited plans with unlimited data and unlimited everything? Aren't most people out there no longer tied down by a stupid little limited number of gigs a month? Isn't that an incredibly old, outdated and antiquated idea in this modern day?


I'm stuck in a data plan with my in-laws, as if you couldn't tell.

There's my mother and father in law, my brother in law and his wife, my wife, and, finally, myself. And the six of us are somehow supposed to share a measly eight gigs of data every month.

I hate it.

I use the majority of the data every month, which regularly causes my father in law to want to rip my head off like the angry grizzly bear that he sometimes is.

In my defense, though, I have suddenly found myself as a stay at home dad in a house in yhe middle of redneck nowhere with  absolutely no wifi, no internet, no cable, no local television stations, nothing at all, completely cut off from the outside world.

It drives me nuts being shut off ftom existence. Just being alive gives me cabin fever, me spending almost all of my time stuck in this godforsaken house with absolutely no link whatsoever to the outside world. What am I, fucking Amish? It's like every day I wake up stuck in a remote cabin in the woods or a goddamn prison. I can't take it. I can't. It makes me want to blow my fucking brains out.

So I turn on the data on my phone so that I can feel like an actual member of planet earth.

And I use too much data.

And my in-laws plot my death.

Fuck me.


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