NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Sunday, June 29, 2014

My SoonerCon Experience ...

I had an awesome weekend. I did. It was everything that I had wished it would be.

I had a big storytime with a bunch of kids. I went to SoonerCon. I heard a reading from my favorite author, played old video games, hung out with bold women, drooled over a bunch of Godzilla stuff, and I got to meet Godzilla comic book artist Matt Frank and purchase a number of signed copies of some of his amaaaaaazing artwork.

But there's more. I slept in. I ate at a Steak 'n' Shake for the first time. I had the bacon that I wanted. I got "breast milk" flavored lollipops for Maxwell, which will no doubt be an awesome experiment ...

And I got to spend the weekend with all the awesome peoples.

Anyway, here are some pics, all of which are "yoinked" from various peoples Facebook pages. Therefore, if anyone happens to stumble on to my blog and would like credit, please feel free to ask ...

Because I knew people who knew people, THIS BOOTH was my base of operations for the small time I was there ...

This booth was populated by the most amazing cosplay women you could ever meet. They were tall, bold, strong, opinionated, beautiful women ...

I have nothing wrong with bold, opinionated women, nor do I have anything wrong with somewhat scantily clad women. The problem that I DID have was that the little girl that I was hanging out with wanted to hide in the farthest back corner of the booth, which meant that I was hanging out behind scantily clad women's butts ...

I found myself desperately hoping that the women there realized that I wasn't staring and creeping them out. Like, I wanted them to look at me to KNOW that I wasn't looking at them.

When, in fact, they didn't care.

Anyway, I had a good time. It was awesome.

And I got THIS ...

Sweet, right?

I had all the funs.

Friday, June 27, 2014

My Weekend ...


I have got an exciting weekend coming to me.

So tomorrow morning my dear, dear friend and co-conspirator "Socks" will be picking me up from home and taking me to work.

There I will be doing another one of my trademark hyperactive storytimes ...

When that is done, I will be following it up by doing a small amount of what some would consider "work" but I simply refer to as a "sneeze shift," meaning that as soon as you're done sneezing then you're tiny little cost effective shift is already done.

Sneeze shift. I came up with that.

After work, "Socks" and I are heading to Midwest City and ...

It's a pop culture/comic book/sci-fi convention that is SURPRISINGLY HUGE for being in the middle of nowhere. I've never gone to SoonerCon before, so this is going to be pretty epic for me.

Then I'm spending the night in Norman with friends. Hopefully bacon will be made. Hint hint. Then I go off to work in the afternoon for another sneeze, then I catch a ride home.

This is my weekend. No wife no kids. Just good friends and pure geekiness.

I love my family. I love my 3.5 children. I really do.

But being a stay at home dad is really driving me fucking insane.

So I deserve this weekend.

I deserve to have my own life.

So wish me luck. I'll try and post pictures of my adventure tomorrow. So stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Steve's Church-less (Dave Chappelle) Movie Of The Week ...

This week's free church-less movie is a brand new feature length documentary that I really can't wait to watch.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked primarily from The Onion AV Club web page ...

"Dave Chappelle: The 50 Million Dollar Question is a feature length 2014 documentary. It was originally posted on YouTube last year, only to be pulled down. The two-hour piece has recently been re-uploaded on Vimeo, possibly as a result of renewed interest in the comedian after Chappelle’s successful Radio City Music Hall shows, as well as his recent appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman. The film seeks to answer the question of why Chappelle walked away from a $50 million dollar contract.

The documentary uses footage from multiple sources, including the difficult interview Chappelle conducted with Oprah shortly after his return from the two-week sojourn in South Africa that marked his break from the show, as well as his 2006 episode of Inside The Actors Studio. Brennan’s side of the story mostly comes from a 2012 episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast, in which the writer and comedian discussed at length the breakdown of his friendship with Chappelle, and the way corporate interests at Comedy Central encouraged the fracturing of their partnership.

The documentary doesn’t hope to provide any concrete answers to the enduring mystery of Chappelle’s retreat from the spotlight, but it does paint an intriguing picture—in the man’s own words—of a young, brilliant comedian suddenly forced to be the spokesman for his brand, his network, and his race, and the incredible pressures that came with it."

Chappelle's Show -The 50 Million Dollar Question from Mischief Makers Productions on Vimeo.


This should be good.

Have fun.

Monday, June 23, 2014

The Story Of Mary Toft ...

Mary Toft (1701–1763) was an English woman from Godalming, Surrey, who in 1726 became the subject of considerable controversy when she tricked doctors into believing that she had given birth to rabbits.

This is a craaaaaaazy ass story.

This happened.

This really happened.

So I have been reading about this woman in this book that I recently picked up about hoaxes. And I am just aaaaaabsolutely fascinated by this woman and her incredible (and, WARNING, extremely graphic) story.

This story is so stupid and gross and idiotic and, somehow, 100% TRUE!

So I thought I'd sit down and share the (GROSS) story of Mary Toft with everybody.

SOOOOOOOO buckle up, buttercup, because things are gonna get reeeeeeeeeally crazy reeeeeeeeeeally quickly here.

Mary Toft was a 25-year-old English peasant in the 18th-century. She got pregnant in 1726 and complained of painful complications early on in the pregnancy. And so, in early August, she started having complications and pushed out several pieces of bloody animal parts.


This was odd, yes, but people just thought that there were some complications in the pregnancy and just went on with their lives.

Then Mary Toft went into labor on September 27th. Her neighbor was called and watched as she "gave birth" to a big pile of bloody animal parts.

Umm ... yeah. Eww.

The neighbor showed the pieces to her mother, who happened to be a midwife, who then sent some of the pieces to John Howard, a Guildford-based man-midwife with a buttload of experience. Initially, Howard dismissed the notion that this crazy peasant girl was giving birth to animal parts, but the next day, despite his reservations, he went to go see her and inspected more pieces of the previous night's "birth" but, on examining Mary, he found nothing.

Man-midwife. That sounds awesome.

When Mary went into labor again, she once again gave birth to several animal parts.

Howard returned to continue his investigations. According to a contemporary account of November 9th, over the next few days he delivered "three legs of a Cat of a Tabby Colour, and one leg of a Rabbet: the guts were as a Cat's and in them were three pieces of the Back-Bone of an Eel ... The cat's feet supposed were formed in her imagination from a cat she was fond of that slept on the bed at night." Then Toft became ill yet again and over the next few days delivered more pieces of rabbit.

So the story of the woman giving birth to rabbits started spreading around, so much so that Mr. Henry Davenant, a member of the court of King George I, went to go see for himself what the hell was going on. He examined the samples Howard had collected and returned to London, convinced that the whole story was real.

Really? REALLY?!?!

Eventually King George sent his personal surgeon and another man, an astronomer and scientist, to go and investigate. In their interview with Mrs. Toft, she told them that before this started she had had a strong craving for rabbit meat and began dreaming of rabbits, and as a result she would spend a ton of her time trying to catch them in her garden. She then gave birth again and the two men were so convinced by the whole story that they did a scientific examination of one of the rabbit parts.

Now, during one of the examinations they put one of the newly birthed rabbit lungs in water. The lung floated when they placed it in there. This meant that the rabbit that the lung had come from had been filled with air and therefore had in fact breathed oxygen before the birth occurred. The lung wouldn't have floated if it had in fact been born inside of the woman.

So, did they find proof that it was all a hoax?

Yes. Yes they did.

However, despite this damning evidence, these dumbasses still concluded that Mary was telling the absolute truth.


Since this story occurred in the early days of newspapers, Mary Toft's story spread quickly all over Europe and she suddenly became an 18th-century celebrity, so much so that she was brought to London, where a crapton of fan and lookey-loos camped outside of her lodgings, waiting at all hours to catch a glimpse of her next rabbit birth. However, while under this constant supervision, Toft went into labor several times but did not produce any animal parts from her hoo-hah.

So in comes this guy named Barron Thomas Onslow. He had enough of this rabbit birthing business and began his own investigation and discovered that for the past month Toft's husband, Joshua, had been buying a bunch of young rabbits. Convinced he had enough evidence to proceed, in a letter to physician Sir Hans Sloane he wrote that the affair had "almost alarmed England" and that he would soon publish his findings. The same day, Thomas Howard, a porter, confessed to the justice of the peace that he had been bribed by Toft's sister-in-law, Margaret, to sneak a rabbit into Toft's chamber.


When arrested and questioned, Mary denied the accusation but eventually cracked and admitted to shoving dead rabbits and animals into her vagina, then pretending to be in labor and "giving birth" to piles of bloody, dead animal parts.

Again, I would like to remind you that THIS STORY REALLY HAPPENED!!!


The British Gazetteer reported on December 24, 1726:

"A Prosecution is ordered to be carried on in the Court of King’s Bench, next Hillary Term, against Mary Toft of Godalmin, for an infamous Cheat and Imposture, in pretending to have brought forth 17 præter-natural Rabbits. She is still detained a Prisoner in Bridewell, where none but the Keeper’s Wife is permitted to go into the Room to deliver any thing to her; the infinite Crowds of People that resort to see her, not being suffered to approach her too near, and more especially her Husband, who is strictly search’d when he comes to the Prison."

However, after about four months in jail, she was released without being prosecuted, a fact that brought joy to the heart of one of those who had believed in the rabbit births. An anonymous gentleman wrote in The Craftsman in April that he was absolutely convinced that Mary Toft's story was true because the authorities wouldn't have let her free "if there had been any reasonable Grounds to form a Prosecution against Her."

On January 7th, 1727, John Howard, the awesome sounding man-midwife, and Mary Toft appeared before the bench, where Howard was fined £800 for being a dumbass and unwittingly fooling the globe. He returned to Surrey and continued his practice uneventfully and died in 1755. Mary Toft made no money from her crrrrrrrrrazy ass scheme but she DID eventually manage to give birth to a daughter, although I bet she was teased in school for smelling like dead rabbit parts.

It STUNS me that so many people, including noted doctors and freaking scientists, could somehow believe that this woman was actually be giving birth to rabbits. How could people be so gullible? Were people more susceptible to cons and scams back then?

Eh. Maybe.

I mean, sure they might have been gullible back then but I actually know someone NOW who ACTUALLY sent money to Nigeria because of one of those scam emails that you think no one would ever fall for, so maybe people back then weren't as gullible as we are now.

But, I mean, come on! Dead rabbit pieces? Really?

The reality, the logistics, of shoving a number of dead rabbits and dead, rotting animal pieces, limbs and paws and bladders and hooves, deep into your vajayjay and then fake "birthing" it out is perhaps the most disgusting thing that I have ever imagined. And why would anyone do this? For fame and publicity?


Just. Eww.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Another Random Picture Attack ...

Clarification ...


First off, I want to make a few things clear.

Now, I don't want people to get the wrong impression from this blog. I don't want people to read all my whining and complaining and think that my life is sooooooo horrible and that I hate my wife.

Both of those statements are completely wrong.

I have a pretty good life right now.

My family is pretty awesome. I have a ton of great new movies to watch with my kids. My kids are really amazing. My oldest daughter, Emerald, is juuuuuust starting to get old enough to realize that I'm awesome and funny and I work hard.

Also, I have friends. And a life. Well, maybe a "life" with fingerquotes but still a life. My friend "Socks" is pretty awesome. I've talked about her before. We hang out a lot and she seems to care. She's feeding me and hanging out with me and actually forcing me to get out and see the world and junk like that and that's been really helping me out. She helps.

And I don't hate my wife, by the way, guys. My wife is a pretty neat person. She's funny and smart. Now I maaaaaay be bitter about not seeing her as much as I would like to, but we're a family and that isn't going to change.

So that's my life right now. It's fun and exciting and sometimes a little bitter but overall it's a pretty damn fun life to be living.


So that is all.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

My Wife's Birthday Pictures ...

I should point out, before my head gets bitten off, that most of these pictures were taken from my wife's Instagram page. She gets really pissed off if I don't credit her.

I got my wife a book of poetry, an out of print Puffy AmiYumi dvd that was quite hard to find, a special coffee mug that the kids designed themselves, a 30 Rock themed cake, a birthday sash that we made her wear all day, and I spend a month or two finding and burning every commercial studio album ever released by both Alicia Keys and Norah Jones, although one of the Norah Jones cds was really this album in disguise.

Enjoy the pics ...

I wish the rest of my family went as "all out" as I do for special day.

Oh well. It was still fun.