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Monday, January 26, 2015

A Short Play For An Upcoming Podcast ...


STEVE: (narrator voice) "There have been many visionaries in Hollywood, forward thinkers who had a singular crazy idea and with that idea they changed the face of motion pictures. This, my friends, is the story of just such a man. The time is 1960. The place? The hideous, desolate, putrid post-apocalyptic wasteland known as Los Angeles, California. A man walks into the offices of the low budget movie studio Box Office Spectaculars. This man ... has an IDEA!"

BUNNY: (stuffy studio head/fat cat) "Well well well, come in, come in young man! Tell me, what is your name again?"

STEVE: "It's Herschell, sir. Herschell Gordon Lewis."

BUNNY: "Yes yes, Herschell! Good to see you! We're all big fans of your skin flicks! The Adventures of Lucky Pierre, Daughter of the Sun, Boin-n-g! Are you here to pitch another nudie flick?"

STEVE: "Well, nooooo. I have an idea for a movie, a NEW type of movie. It's ... different."

BUNNY: (laughs/chortles) "Now see here, young man, there's no such thing as a NEW movie?!?! All movies are just ripoffs of other better movies! No one's had a new idea in this town since Al Jolson!"

STEVE: "Well, sir, no offense, but ... MY idea is ... prrrrrrrretty different."

BUNNY: "Ok then, young man, then WHAT IS your idea?"

STEVE: "My idea is ... we make a horror movie ... where this guy, he kills people, right?"

BUNNY: "Go onnnnn ..."

STEVE: "... except my idea is ... what if we ... actually SHOW the murder happening?"


BUNNY: "Mr. Lewis, are you suggesting we actually KILL PEOPLE?!?!"

STEVE: "Nonono, it's just that, well, what if we actually SHOW the murders happening? You know, like, show the blood and whatnot? No one's ever done THAT before. I call it ... GOP! ... or GORE, not sure on what I'll call it yet. I'm leaning towards gop but gore sounds good, too. Anyway, why can't we be the first to show it?"

BUNNY: "Why can't we be the first? Mr. Lewis, I'll tell you why we cannot. It would cause a panic. People would think that we were actually killing people on the screen. Horror movies never show the deeds being done. There would be riots, young man. IT CANNOT BE DONE!"

STEVE: "So you say ... (DRAMATIC MUSIC - BUNNY, CAN YOU HOOK ME UP WITH DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE!) ... but I envision a day when gore, or gop, depending, a day when my idea of gore permeates every facet of major motion pictures. Gore will be in Academy Award nominated films like Gone Girl where the woman slits the man's throat WHILE ORGASM-ING! And gore will be in Academy Award WINNING films like Saving Private Ryan where bodies are blown to bits on the beaches of Normandy. And gore will even be on your television sets in shows like Dexter and Game of Thrones. Gore, or gop, will be so popular that it will even be on your television sets in your homes and no one will bat an eye about it. Gore will be EVERYWHERE! But it must start somewhere. And it will start here. With my movie idea."


BUNNY: (coughs) "Well then ... that was a mighty fine speech, young man. A mighty fine speech. Prophetic, almost. And slightly over-winded. But I'm afraid that the answer is no."

STEVE: "... umm, how about if I make the movie for real cheap?"

BUNNY: "How cheap are we talking about here?"

STEVE: "Less than twenty five thou?"


STEVE: (Narrator voice) "And that, my invisible internet friends, is the story of Blood Feast, a really cheap movie."


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